Families First Newsletter

Toni Will be a Featured Speaker in Wash., D.C. Area

I'm proud to announce that I've been selected as a featured speaker at the 3rd Annual A Day for Every Woman Conference on May 14.

The conference celebrates women by providing opportunities for women to network, be inspired and learn tangible strategies for moving their businesses, families, careers, and lives forward all while receiving a massage, face makeover, lunch and fashion show.

The keynote speaker will be Lisa Whelchel, best known for her starring role as Blair in the 80s sitcom "The Facts of Life," who has gone on to author five books covering parenting topics, home schooling and joy-filled living.

For more details check out the website at www.ADayforEveryWoman.com.

Free Sample Parent Coaching Session

If you'd like to know more about me and give parent coaching a try, just e-mail me at: toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or give me a call at 612-810-8687 and we can schedule a free sample session. During this time, we'll get acquainted and you can share the topics you might like to cover with a parent coach. Together, we can figure out if parent coaching would be helpful to meet the needs of your family.

Toni is proud to be an Alliance Coach with:

Check out the website at www.unlimitedgrowthpotential.com

Positive Discipline Options

Each month a positive discipline option is offered. Collect them all and expand your repertoire!

Definition: The word "discipline" is from the root word "disciple" which means "one who teaches." The essence of discipline, therefore, is to provide a learning experience for the child to grow. (Provided by Dave Hudson)

Time Out Plus

I bet every parent has used a time out with their child. You know the drill: remove the child from the situation, take them to a quiet, nonstimulating place, set the timer for a designated period of time and leave the child alone without further comment.

The part that I'd like parents to add to the time out procedure is the opportunity to talk about the misdeed after the time out is over. A routine that I recommend is that you ask the child "What did you do wrong?" This establishes that the child knows why s/he was in time out in the first place. (If they really don't know, you can tell them.) I often tell the child that s/he made a bad choice by doing X. I then ask "What's a better choice that you could make next time?" Again, if they're stumped you can brainstorm ideas for positive choices with them. Have the child pick what s/he will do the next time a similar incident occurs. End by saying that "I'm confident that you'll make a good choice next time!"

The reason I recommend this method is because it helps children to realize that life is a series of good and bad choices. The opportunity to make a good choice is always within their control and they can learn from their mistakes how to make a better choice next time.

Upcoming TeleClasses

Take these classes from the comfort of home! You'll join other parents, via telephone, for parenting tips and a lively discussion all while sitting in your favorite armchair! There's no need to waste time driving to classes when you can participate from home in a "teleclass."

“How’s Your Balance? Take Action Now to Improve Your Work/Family Balance”
Feeling torn in many different directions? Ever riddled by guilt? Rarely have time for yourself? This two-part session will help you examine your life and how happy you are with your current choices. Tools for assessing balance will be provided along with steps you can take to live the life you want! JUST $40 for both sessions, a $60 savings! This "class" will be done privately, so you can register at your convenience. To register: Send an e-mail to toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or call 612-810-8687 with any questions.

Managing Your Child’s Anger: Triggers and Solutions for Coping Has your child had a tantrum lately, thrown toys across the room or hit a sibling? Odds are that s/he has! Children’s anger can be exacerbating for parents. Come to this teleclass to learn common triggers for a child’s anger, solutions for coping, and skills to teach your child so you’ll both be less frazzled! Thursday, April 7, 6:00- 7:45 p.m. CST ($25) To register: Send an e-mail to toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or call 612-810-8687 with any questions.

“Are You Listening?: Five Great Ways to Connect with Your Child and Get Them to Comply!” Do you ever find yourself repeating the same request over and over? Do you sometimes find yourself listening half-heartedly to your child while juggling 3 other tasks? Do you long for more meaningful conversations with your child? If you answered YES to any of these questions, then please join this stimulating discussion on ways to fine-tune the conversations you have with your child.
Wed., April 27, 6 p.m.-7:15 p.m. CST ($20)

IN-PERSON CLASSES

"Tired of Time Out?" Learn 10 Positive Discipline Options You Can Use Now"

Stuck in a rut when it comes to discipline? You’re not alone! In this two-part class, you’ll learn 10 different discipline options to help you make positive choices with children 3-12 years of age. Parents will practice methods for increasing positive behavior and decreasing negative behavior. Come and find new solutions to nagging problems. Thursday, April 21 and Thursday, April 28, 7 p.m.- 8:15 p.m. at Central Pediatrics, Woodbury, MN. ($30 for both sessions or $20 for just one.) To register, call Trish Pitcher at 651-731-5011.

“Five Practical Steps for Boosting Your Child’s Self-Esteem”

While self-esteem is a complex matter, this class will provide practical suggestions on helping your child feel confident and capable. Concrete tools that will help your child grow stronger in five areas will be provided. Thurs., May 5, 7:00-8:15 p.m. ($20) at Central Pediatrics, Woodbury, MN. To register, call Trish Pitcher at 651-731-5011.

Parent-to-Parent

What's the name of a parenting book, website or article that you've enjoyed? Please share your thoughts with other parents! Please include the name of the book, the author, and the year it was published. Also, include what you liked about the book.

"I liked a number of things about "Creative Correction: Extraordinary Ideas for Everyday Discipline" by Lisa Whelchel. I use it as a resource. At the end of each chapter she has a tool box with practical ideas to use in everyday situations. For instance, one chapter is called "World War 3" and deals with sibling rivalry, so if I have a situation with my children, I can leave and look in the book for ideas rather than being frustrated.

She also has a topical index that 's very helpful that I've used, too. She lists things like complaining, failure, fear, forgetfulness, complaining, etc. and so you can look up ideas on those, too.

It's a Christain-based book, which I like because it supports what I'm doing. She uses Scripture to state that God, a higher authority, also states that a child should be honest, or not complain, for instance.

It's also humorous and has made me chuckle. You don't have to read it front to back, either. You can just pick it up and read a chapter that might be helpful. M.K.

Distribution Rights

Families First Coaching Newsletter is copyrighted, but you may retransmit or
distribute it to others as long as you acknowledge familiesfirstcoaching.com as the source of the information. However, you may not copy it to a web site.
Republication, and distribution, of Families First Coaching Newsletter in print is encouraged and permitted as long as the issue is printed in its entirety and includes the contact information.


	Table of Contents- April, 2005 Feature Article- "Steps Every Parent Should Take to Try and Prevent Sexual Abuse" Parent-to Parent- Name Calling/Tattling A Good Read- "Creative Correction: Extraordinary Ideas for Everyday Discipline" Free Time- "Making Inventions" Positive Discipline Methods- Time Out Plus Upcoming Classes
	Toni Will be a Featured Speaker in Wash., D.C. Area I'm proud to announce that I've been selected as a featured speaker at the 3rd Annual A Day for Every Woman Conference on May 14. The conference celebrates women by providing opportunities for women to network, be inspired and learn tangible strategies for moving their businesses, families, careers, and lives forward all while receiving a massage, face makeover, lunch and fashion show. The keynote speaker will be Lisa Whelchel, best known for her starring role as Blair in the 80s sitcom "The Facts of Life," who has gone on to author five books covering parenting topics, home schooling and joy-filled living. For more details check out the website at www.ADayforEveryWoman.com. Free Sample Parent Coaching Session If you'd like to know more about me and give parent coaching a try, just e-mail me at: toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or give me a call at 612-810-8687 and we can schedule a free sample session. During this time, we'll get acquainted and you can share the topics you might like to cover with a parent coach. Together, we can figure out if parent coaching would be helpful to meet the needs of your family. Toni is proud to be an Alliance Coach with: Check out the website at www.unlimitedgrowthpotential.com

	Steps Every Parent Should Take to Try and Prevent Sexual Abuse The thought that their child might be sexually abused is every parent’s worst nightmare. Yet, it’s estimated that one out of every three to five girls and one out of every seven to ten boys will experience some form of sexual abuse by the time he or she is18. April is Sexual Abuse Prevention Month and there's no time like the present to begin educating your child on how sexual abuse might be prevented. I've invited Libby Bergman, the executive director of the Center for Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment, to share her expertise with us this month. I had the pleasure of working with Libby for 5 years and I greatly admire her devotion to PREVENTING child abuse. Here are excerpts from our conversation. Q. What age should a parent begin education that might protect their child from sexual abuse? A. Education should start right from birth. At this age, it’s a parent’s job to help the child feel good about his or her body, to teach the child the names of private parts and to provide an atmosphere where the child feels comfortable asking questions about their body. As soon as a child is born they’re receiving messages about their bodies. They can either receive positive messages or negative messages. An example of a negative message might be if you say “Yucky” and make an awful face while you’re changing a dirty diaper. The baby may associate that reaction with the private parts of their body. A positive message when changing the dirty diaper might be “Let’s get you clean and keep your body nice.” Q. What type of parent education is important for children between the ages of 3 and 5? A. A child this age will be exposed to more people and it’s important to teach the children about different types of touches. The parent should help the child set personal boundaries and those boundaries should be respected. A child should be able to say “No.” to touches s/he doesn’t like. Helpful resources for children this age would be: Red Flag Green Flag Resources available at www.redflaggreenflag.com "From Diapers to Dating" by Debra Haffner Q. What would you recommend for children ages 5-10? A. Certainly a child this age has even more contact with people because they’re in school and going to friends’ houses to play. I don’t believe teaching kids not to talk to strangers is a very helpful strategy. "Stranger" is an abstract concept. It's hard for kids to figure out what a stranger is. Also, 80% of child sexual abuse is committed by someone the child knows, such as an acquaintance, friend or relative. I think it’s more helpful to teach kids not to accept things from other people, like candy, gifts, and especially rides. You should teach your child that anytime anyone offers them a ride that they need to check with the adult in charge. They must ask the parent, the teacher, or the babysitter before they go anywhere alone with someone. A parent also needs to figure out who is safe for the child to be with. Helpful resources are: "Child Sexual Abuse: Facts About Abuse and Those Who Might Commit It" This booklet is available from The Safer Society Press, PO Box 340, Brandon, VT 05733 802-247-3132 "It’s So Amazing" by Robie Harris Q. What preventative steps might a parent take with a child 11-16? A. It gets much more complicated then because children have more freedom. You should teach your child: 1) To recognize a healthy relationship. 2) To adhere to healthy behaviors. 3) How to learn lessons from everyday experiences. For instance, when you witness an unhealthy relationship on TV, stop and ask the child “What do you think of the way that that man treated that woman?” Draw out your child’s thoughts and share your own values. Clearly, by age 10 you need to do, or have done, formal education regarding sexual development and dating. You can give them a book to read and then you can talk with them about it after. The earlier you do it the better, because by age 13 or 14 they will be more resistant. You want to supervise their activities by having them check-in with you about their whereabouts, know if there are adults present in the home and have the friend’s number. You may also find teachable moments in talking with your child about their reactions to a friend’s problems and relationships. And lastly, you want to model healthy relationships in your own interpersonal life. Q. Is there a typical profile of an offender? A. No. Offenders are not obviously different. They can be married, single, old, young, executives, any race and any gender. A few warning signs include: · An adult (or older teen) who spends most of his/her spare time with children. · An adult (or older teen) who buys children expensive gifts. · An adult (or older teen) who keeps on hugging, tickling or wrestling with a child even when the child wants him/her to stop. · An adult (or older teen) who regularly offers to babysit many children. · An adult (or older teen) who allows children to get away with inappropriate behavior. · An adult (or older teen) who does not allow a child to set any of his/her own limits. · An adult (or older teen) who seems overly interested in a child’s sexuality, development, or dating. · An adult (or older teen) who interferes with normal teen dating. · An adult (or older teen) who manages to spend alone time with children. Q. What are some of the ways that perpetrators trick children into sexual abuse? A. A perpetrator may set up a game and touching is part of the game. They may show kids pictures in a magazine or on the internet of nude people or people engaged in a sexual act. They may ask a child about the development of their body and say they need to check it. They may offer to teach the child about their body and relationships. They may suggest to the child that the parent has given permission for them to do certain acts to the child. They may offer money, alcohol or gifts to gain cooperation. They may use threats. Q. What final thoughts would you like to share with parents? A. The main thing I want to emphasize is the importance of laying a good foundation right from the start so your child feels they can talk to you about any topic. You need to listen well, validate their feelings, respect their concerns, ask questions and give them individual time. If you have concerns about sexual abuse or see you child acting in a sexual way, try not to over-react. Over-reacting may shut them down and make it less likely that they will tell you what’s going on. If you’d like more information, you may go to www.mnpreventabuse.org. Other recommended books: "It's OK to Say No" by Amy C. Bahr; "Sometimes It's OK To Tell Secrets" by Amy C. Bahr; "Your Body is Your Own" by Amy C. Bahr; "My Body is Private" by Linda Walvoord Girard; "Better Safe Than Sorry" by Gordon Sol; "Touching" by Jody Bengsma and "My Body Belongs to Me" by Paul Glickman.

	Positive Discipline Options Each month a positive discipline option is offered. Collect them all and expand your repertoire! Definition: The word "discipline" is from the root word "disciple" which means "one who teaches." The essence of discipline, therefore, is to provide a learning experience for the child to grow. (Provided by Dave Hudson) Time Out Plus I bet every parent has used a time out with their child. You know the drill: remove the child from the situation, take them to a quiet, nonstimulating place, set the timer for a designated period of time and leave the child alone without further comment. The part that I'd like parents to add to the time out procedure is the opportunity to talk about the misdeed after the time out is over. A routine that I recommend is that you ask the child "What did you do wrong?" This establishes that the child knows why s/he was in time out in the first place. (If they really don't know, you can tell them.) I often tell the child that s/he made a bad choice by doing X. I then ask "What's a better choice that you could make next time?" Again, if they're stumped you can brainstorm ideas for positive choices with them. Have the child pick what s/he will do the next time a similar incident occurs. End by saying that "I'm confident that you'll make a good choice next time!" The reason I recommend this method is because it helps children to realize that life is a series of good and bad choices. The opportunity to make a good choice is always within their control and they can learn from their mistakes how to make a better choice next time.

	Upcoming TeleClasses Take these classes from the comfort of home! You'll join other parents, via telephone, for parenting tips and a lively discussion all while sitting in your favorite armchair! There's no need to waste time driving to classes when you can participate from home in a "teleclass." “How’s Your Balance? Take Action Now to Improve Your Work/Family Balance” Feeling torn in many different directions? Ever riddled by guilt? Rarely have time for yourself? This two-part session will help you examine your life and how happy you are with your current choices. Tools for assessing balance will be provided along with steps you can take to live the life you want! JUST $40 for both sessions, a $60 savings! This "class" will be done privately, so you can register at your convenience. To register: Send an e-mail to toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or call 612-810-8687 with any questions. Managing Your Child’s Anger: Triggers and Solutions for Coping Has your child had a tantrum lately, thrown toys across the room or hit a sibling? Odds are that s/he has! Children’s anger can be exacerbating for parents. Come to this teleclass to learn common triggers for a child’s anger, solutions for coping, and skills to teach your child so you’ll both be less frazzled! Thursday, April 7, 6:00- 7:45 p.m. CST ($25) To register: Send an e-mail to toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or call 612-810-8687 with any questions. “Are You Listening?: Five Great Ways to Connect with Your Child and Get Them to Comply!” Do you ever find yourself repeating the same request over and over? Do you sometimes find yourself listening half-heartedly to your child while juggling 3 other tasks? Do you long for more meaningful conversations with your child? If you answered YES to any of these questions, then please join this stimulating discussion on ways to fine-tune the conversations you have with your child. Wed., April 27, 6 p.m.-7:15 p.m. CST ($20) IN-PERSON CLASSES "Tired of Time Out?" Learn 10 Positive Discipline Options You Can Use Now" Stuck in a rut when it comes to discipline? You’re not alone! In this two-part class, you’ll learn 10 different discipline options to help you make positive choices with children 3-12 years of age. Parents will practice methods for increasing positive behavior and decreasing negative behavior. Come and find new solutions to nagging problems. Thursday, April 21 and Thursday, April 28, 7 p.m.- 8:15 p.m. at Central Pediatrics, Woodbury, MN. ($30 for both sessions or $20 for just one.) To register, call Trish Pitcher at 651-731-5011. “Five Practical Steps for Boosting Your Child’s Self-Esteem” While self-esteem is a complex matter, this class will provide practical suggestions on helping your child feel confident and capable. Concrete tools that will help your child grow stronger in five areas will be provided. Thurs., May 5, 7:00-8:15 p.m. ($20) at Central Pediatrics, Woodbury, MN. To register, call Trish Pitcher at 651-731-5011.

	Parent-to-Parent This is a place for parents to exchange ideas. Would you like to get ideas from other parents about a parenting concern? Do you have good ideas that might help another parent? Feel free to contribute!! For May.: Q. My kids are constantly tattling. Help! C.L. Readers, give us your ideas!! How have you successfully handled this problem? Just send your responses to:news@familiesfirstcoaching.com. I'll share your suggestions next month. Feel free to pose a question, too!! From Last Month: : .Q. My children call each other names. I'd like some advice. P.L. Readers responded with these ideas: "I have a rule that if one sibling calls the other a name that they have to apologize (out loud or in writing) and tell them something that they like about them instead." M.L. "When name calling occurs, I make the child put 25 cents in a jar. If they both are calling each other names, then they both have to put money in." A.L. "I figure that if they were calling the other person a name, something was bothering them, so I try to get to the bottom of the situation and have them use words that are not offensive to the other person, even if they were just bored." B.K. "We have a house rule that we only use kind words. I'll ask the child "Are those kind words?" and then have them tell me the house rule. Then I ask them "What are kind words that you could use instead?" A.S.

	A Good Read What's the name of a parenting book, website or article that you've enjoyed? Please share your thoughts with other parents! Please include the name of the book, the author, and the year it was published. Also, include what you liked about the book. "I liked a number of things about "Creative Correction: Extraordinary Ideas for Everyday Discipline" by Lisa Whelchel. I use it as a resource. At the end of each chapter she has a tool box with practical ideas to use in everyday situations. For instance, one chapter is called "World War 3" and deals with sibling rivalry, so if I have a situation with my children, I can leave and look in the book for ideas rather than being frustrated. She also has a topical index that 's very helpful that I've used, too. She lists things like complaining, failure, fear, forgetfulness, complaining, etc. and so you can look up ideas on those, too. It's a Christain-based book, which I like because it supports what I'm doing. She uses Scripture to state that God, a higher authority, also states that a child should be honest, or not complain, for instance. It's also humorous and has made me chuckle. You don't have to read it front to back, either. You can just pick it up and read a chapter that might be helpful. M.K.

	*"Free" Time!* What does your family do for fun that doesn't cost a lot of money?? Let's share some ideas!! Making Inventions "I save weird items that may make fun inventions for the kids. The items that I keep are things like cardboard cones, old pill bottles, packing material, plastic molds, ribbon and other do-dads. I just store them in a big bag and when there's a rainy day or the kids are bored, I let them "make inventions." They have a blast! A.S.

	Toni Schutta, Publisher, Families First Coaching Newsletter Toni Schutta is a Parent Coach with a Master's Degree in Psychology and 10 years experience helping parents find solutions that work. She's also the mother of two wonderful children, a Licensed Psychologist, a certified graduate of the Mentor Coach Foundations Program and a member of the International Coach Federation. Families First Coaching is an organization devoted to building strong families by empowering parents with practical information, easy-to-use tools and helpful resources that will help you be the best parent possible. Individual parent coaching sessions are available along with parent-to-parent support groups and parent education classes. Check out the website at http://www.familiesfirstcoaching.com for a complete list of services.

	If you enjoy this newsletter and know of someone else who might, please forward it to your friend. If you would like to subscribe to this newsletter, please e-mail: news@familiesfirstcoaching.com and type "subscribe me" in the subject line. All information is held in strict confidence. If you would like to unsubscribe to this newsletter, please news@familiesfirstcoaching. and type "unsubscribe" in the subject line.
	Distribution Rights Families First Coaching Newsletter is copyrighted, but you may retransmit or distribute it to others as long as you acknowledge familiesfirstcoaching.com as the source of the information. However, you may not copy it to a web site. Republication, and distribution, of Families First Coaching Newsletter in print is encouraged and permitted as long as the issue is printed in its entirety and includes the contact information. Copyright 2004 Families First Coaching.

"Child Sexual Abuse: Facts About Abuse and Those Who Might Commit It"