Families First Newsletter

Positive Discipline Options

Each month a positive discipline option is offered. Collect them all and expand your repertoire!

Definition: The word "discipline" is from the root word "disciple" which means "one who teaches." The essence of discipline, therefore, is to provide a learning experience for the child to grow. (Provided by Dave Hudson)

Point Systems

An excellent behavior management technique is to use tokens or point systems. For one thing, it makes behavior management concrete. It provides children with immediate reinforcement and encourages positive behaviors.

As a parent, you can choose one particular behavior to focus on or you can use a more global system. For instance, let's say that you have a 6-year-old who rarely does things the first time that you ask her. You can sit down with the child and say, "I'm frustrated that you're not doing things the first time that I ask so we're going to use a system that's going to make you successful. Each time that you do something the first time that I ask, you're going to get 5 points and you get to go over to the dry erase board and write five points down. After receiving 50 points, you'll get an extra book at bedtime." You can then change the reward frequently to keep it interesting for the child and involve them in the reward selection.

I also read about one mom who used the system to reinforce many different positive behaviors throughout the day. Sharing with your brother... 5 points! Putting toys away... 5 points! She created a travelling trophy that was given each week to the child with the most points. That child also got to select the meal for a day and a family activity. This mom has used the system with success for two years!


	Table of Contents- July, 2005 Feature Article- "Teachers' Best Discipline Tips" Parent-to Parent- "Flying Pointers/Lying" A Good Read- "Parenting the Strong-Willed Child" Free Time- "Fire Station Tours" Positive Discipline Methods- "Point Systems" Upcoming Classes
	Free Sample Parent Coaching Session If you'd like to know more about me and give parent coaching a try, just e-mail me at: toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or give me a call at 612-810-8687 and we can schedule a free sample session. During this time, we'll get acquainted and you can share the topics you might like to cover with a parent coach. Together, we can figure out if parent coaching would be helpful to meet the needs of your family. Toni is proud to be an Alliance Coach with: Check out the website at www.unlimitedgrowthpotential.com

	Teachers' Best Discipline Tips How is it that teachers manage the behavior of 25-30 kids every day while we struggle with just two or three kids at home? This month, I've sought the counsel of teachers on the front line and asked them to share their favorite behavior management tips. Perhap some of the methods they use in their classroom can be adapted by us moms at home? I Dare You! "I work with teenagers and they need to know what the limit is and what the consequence will be if they overstep the boundary. I have a phone in my classroom and if a kid is being jerky, I'll look him in the eye and in a firm voice I'll say "I dare you to do this again and you can call your parents and tell them what you've just done..." I've taught school for many years and I've only had to call a parent once. I've raised three teenagers (Editor's note: VERY successfully!) and I used the "I dare you" phrase at home with a lot of success, too." Discipline in Private "I have a practice of praising kids in front of others, but if I have some criticism to make, I'll do that privately with the student outside the classroom. When I talk with them I'll ask them "What seems to be the problem and how can we help each other? We have to work this out together. I talk with them about the potential that I see in them, what I see them doing well and end with something positive that I like about them." Nancy Veenis, Centennial High School Catch Them Being Good! "I look for someone in the classroom who's doing what I want them to be doing, like getting their math out. Then I'll say "A super big thanks to Mykala for getting her math book out." Use Rewards I also reward the first table of students who accomplishes what I've asked. If they are the first table done, I'll put a bead in a bowl. The table that accumulates the most beads at the end of the week, gets to pick a prize." Sue Navratil, Rice Lake Elementary School Develop Rules Together "In the fall to get kids hooked in, I have a talk with them about what I expect behavior-wise. I have them be a part of the discussion so they take more ownership and feel empowered setting the rules. We construct a short list of just 4-5 rules that they'll remember. For instance, one of the rules is to keep their hands and feet to themself. I then direct the kids to consequences that I can support if they break the rules. We post the rules and I have the kids dip their hands in paint and sign the sheet stating that they'll abide by the rules of our classroom." Be Proactive "I believe that you have to have proactive and reactive support set up. What I mean by "proactive" is that a child needs to know who to behave when I'm not around. For instance, I teach them how to settle a disagreement that may erupt on the playground so they'll have the confidence to know how to handle it on their own. Other times, I do need to intervene but I try to anticipate problems and respond with reactive support. Allison Callahan, Rice Lake Elementary School Use Anticipation "I try to think through all of the possibilities of how the children will respond when I give an assignment. I anticipate questions that they'll have and what they'll need so that I give them clear instructions up front. Anticipation is a big thing that teachers do to try to ward off problems and be proactive rather than reactive." Margot Brooks, Turtle Lake Elementary School Pick Your Battles! "Every child is different and a battle that I might choose to fight with one child is not necessarily one that I'll fight with another." Patty Nelson, Rice Lake Elementary School

	Positive Discipline Options Each month a positive discipline option is offered. Collect them all and expand your repertoire! Definition: The word "discipline" is from the root word "disciple" which means "one who teaches." The essence of discipline, therefore, is to provide a learning experience for the child to grow. (Provided by Dave Hudson) Point Systems An excellent behavior management technique is to use tokens or point systems. For one thing, it makes behavior management concrete. It provides children with immediate reinforcement and encourages positive behaviors. As a parent, you can choose one particular behavior to focus on or you can use a more global system. For instance, let's say that you have a 6-year-old who rarely does things the first time that you ask her. You can sit down with the child and say, "I'm frustrated that you're not doing things the first time that I ask so we're going to use a system that's going to make you successful. Each time that you do something the first time that I ask, you're going to get 5 points and you get to go over to the dry erase board and write five points down. After receiving 50 points, you'll get an extra book at bedtime." You can then change the reward frequently to keep it interesting for the child and involve them in the reward selection. I also read about one mom who used the system to reinforce many different positive behaviors throughout the day. Sharing with your brother... 5 points! Putting toys away... 5 points! She created a travelling trophy that was given each week to the child with the most points. That child also got to select the meal for a day and a family activity. This mom has used the system with success for two years!

	Upcoming TeleClasses Take these classes from the comfort of home! You'll join other parents, via telephone, for parenting tips and a lively discussion all while sitting in your favorite armchair! There's no need to waste time driving to classes when you can participate from home in a "teleclass." “How to Win the Chore Wars and Find Peace in the Family” Ever have problems with your children doing chores? This 75-minute class will give you tips on how to motivate your kids, how to make it fun and how to keep your plan working! Recent research has uncovered that one of the most important predictors of your child’s success as a young adult is whether they participated in household chores! Participate in this class to get your child’s feet on the path to success and enjoy the benefits of a cleaner home!! Tuesday, July 19, 7:00 p.m. to 8:15 p.m. EST (6-7:15 p.m. CST), $25, To register: e-mail toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or call 612-810-8687. “Overscheduled? Take Action to Improve Your Work/Family Balance Now!” Feeling torn in many different directions? Ever riddled by guilt? Rarely have time for yourself? This two-part session will help you examine your life and how happy you are with your current choices. Tools for assessing balance will be provided along with steps you can take to live the life you want! This "class" will be done privately, so you can register at your convenience. ($75) To register: Send an e-mail to toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or call 612-810-8687 with any questions.

	Parent-to-Parent This is a place for parents to exchange ideas. Would you like to get ideas from other parents about a parenting concern? Do you have good ideas that might help another parent? Feel free to contribute!! For August: Q. My 8-year-old has started to lie more often and I'm really saddened by it. How do others approach this thorny subject? Readers, give us your ideas!! How have you successfully handled this problem? Just send your responses to: news@familiesfirstcoaching.com. I'll share your suggestions next month. Feel free to pose a question, too!! From Last Month: : We're going to fly to visit relatives this summer. I haven't flown with my kids before and would love some pointers. F.L. Q. Readers responded with these ideas: "I have flown with my children since they were a year old. They love the thrill of the adventure! With toddlers, be sure that they have their "lovey" and some books. With all kids be sure to have snacks (and some wipes) along. Some great toys are Crayola Color Wonder markers and paper (no marker mess to deal with), playdough (small containers), puzzle/word search games for older kids, small Matchbox cars, stickers, travel-size games, and playing cards. We avoid electronic games since some don't have sound controls, plus you need to have extra batteries to haul!" V.C. "If your child still uses a stroller, be sure to use it at the airport. You can keep the child in it all the way to the gate and then just check the stroller at the gate. It'll be waiting for you at the opposite gate when you land. With kids two and under who don't undertand that they have to stay seated on the plane, I bring along their car seat and keep them strapped in. For older kids, I have them pack their own backpack of activities for the plane and then they're responsible for carrying it the whole trip." C.J. "I'll go to the dollar store and stock up on toys, books and stickers that'll fit in a backpack. I don't let the kids open the toys until they're on the plane. I also don't let them play with the new toys at the vacation site so the toys still seem new for the flight back. It's important to bring plenty of snacks and beverages these days since most airlines don't serve meals anymore. Also, be sure to bring gum in case your child's ears hurt when the pressure changes." A.S. (Editor's Note: You can also pick up a book called "How to Fly with Kids" by Natalie Windsor.)

	A Good Read What's the name of a parenting book, website or article that you've enjoyed? Please share your thoughts with other parents! Please include the name of the book, the author, and the year it was published. Also, include what you liked about the book. Parenting the Strong-Willed Child "This is a very interesting book about how to create a positive climate in your home and how you may be unconsciously reinforcing negative behavior. For instance, the authors point out that when a child is often NOT compliant that the parent has a tendency to withdraw between battles to emotionally recover and gain some energy back. The parent may then be missing some of the fun interactions because they're worn out from the negative. The authors point out that parents may not even expect positives and don't see the charming, delightful behaviors, too. When I've had to struggle with things like getting the kids to take a bath or get dressed, I don't have brain cells left to come up with fun ideas and the authors suggest ways to get things turned around in a positive direction. The book outlines a 5-week program to help. During week 1 you "attend" to your child by describing specific actions you see them taking. Week 2 emphasizes rewarding good behavior. Week 3 suggests when you can ignore a tantrum. Week 4 outlines how to give directions and Week 5 talks about a 10-second time out. The book is very practical and gives very sound advice about being more playful and incorporating positive communication. I recommend it." Tara B. "Parenting the Strong-Willed Child: The Clinically-Proven 5-Week Program for Parents of 2-6 Year Olds" by Rex Forehand and Nicholas Long.

	*"Free" Time!* What does your family do for fun that doesn't cost a lot of money?? Let's share some ideas!! Tour a Fire Station! Most fire fighters are happy to give fire station tours to children. If they're not on call or just back from one, they usually have the time to accommodate a small family or group. The fire fighters take the group on a tour of the fire station and show off their equipment. Usually the children have the opportunity to sit in the vehicles. This is a great chance to discuss fire safety, too. We've actually had a fire fighter don 80 pounds of equipment in high heat and humidity to show the kids what a firefighter may look like in an actual fire. Some special stations like the airport fire station require appointments because of security issues. Don't forget to write a special thank you note for the time and service they provide! K.J.

	Toni Schutta, Publisher, Families First Coaching Newsletter Toni Schutta is a Parent Coach with a Master's Degree in Psychology and 11 years experience working with children and families. She's also the mother of two wonderful children, a Licensed Psychologist, a certified graduate of the Mentor Coach Foundations Program and a member of the International Coach Federation. Families First Coaching is an organization devoted to building strong families by empowering parents with practical information, easy-to-use tools and helpful resources that will help you be the best parent possible. Individual parent coaching sessions are available along with parent-to-parent support groups and parent education classes. Check out the website at http://www.familiesfirstcoaching.com for a complete list of services.

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