Families First Newsletter

Your Input is Needed!

I'm pleased to announce that I have teamed up with Julia Kalish, a Certified Nutritionist and Health and Nutrition Coach, to develop an E-book on children's nutrition and mealtime dilemmas that parents face. What problems do you face at mealtime? We'd like your input! Send us your questions along with the problems you face and we'll find the answers for you! Send your inquiries to: toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com Thanks!

Also, to sign up for Julia's FREE monthly nutrition e-newsletter, Healthy Insights, visit www.innervoicenutrition.com.

Free Sample Parent Coaching Session

Positive Discipline Options

Each month a positive discipline option is offered. Collect them all and expand your repertoire!

Definition: The word "discipline" is from the root word "disciple" which means "one who teaches." The essence of discipline, therefore, is to provide a learning experience for the child to grow. (Provided by Dave Hudson)

Praise

Your children crave your attention, so use praise when they're behaving well. They'll learn that positive behavior gets them more of your attention than negative behavior does.

To use praise effectively, follow these rules: 1) Move close to your child. 2) Look them in the eye. 3) Smile. 4.) Be specific with your praise. 5) Praise the behavior not the child. Ie. You shared your candy with your sister. That was so kind! 6) Be sincere. 7) Do it immediately after you see the positive behavior.

Upcoming TeleClasses

Take these classes from the comfort of home! You'll join other parents, via telephone, for parenting tips and a lively discussion all while sitting in your favorite armchair! There's no need to waste time driving to classes when you can participate from home in a "teleclass."

“Are You Listening?: Five Great Ways to Connect with Your Child and Get Them to Comply!” Do you ever find yourself repeating the same request over and over? Do you sometimes find yourself listening half-heartedly to your child while juggling 3 other tasks? Do you long for more meaningful conversations with your child? If you answered YES to any of these questions, then please join this stimulating discussion on ways to fine-tune the conversations you have with your child.

Thurs., May 19, 6-7:15 p.m. CST, 7-8:15 EST, ($20) To register, E-mail Toni at: toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com ($20)

“Managing Your Child’s Anger: Triggers and Solutions for Coping Has your child had a tantrum lately, thrown toys across the room or hit a sibling? Odds are that s/he has! Children’s anger can be exacerbating for parents. Come to this class to learn common triggers for a child’s anger, solutions for coping, and skills to teach your child so you’ll both be less frazzled! Parents with children age 3-12 will benefit the most from this class. Thurs., May 24, 6-7:30 p.m. CST, 7-8:30 p.m. EST. To register, E-mail Toni at: toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com ($25)

“Overscheduled? Take Action to Improve Your Work/Family Balance”
Feeling torn in many different directions? Ever riddled by guilt? Rarely have time for yourself? This two-part session will help you examine your life and how happy you are with your current choices. Tools for assessing balance will be provided along with steps you can take to live the life you want! JUST $40 for both sessions, a $60 savings! This "class" will be done privately, so you can register at your convenience. To register: Send an e-mail to toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or call 612-810-8687 with any questions.

IN-PERSON CLASSES

“Five Practical Steps for Boosting Your Child’s Self-Esteem” While self-esteem is a complex matter, this class will provide practical suggestions on helping your child feel confident and capable. Concrete tools that will help your child grow stronger in five areas will be provided. Thurs., May 5, 7:00-8:15 p.m. ($20) at Central Pediatrics, Woodbury, MN. To register, call Trish Pitcher at 651-731-5011.

Are You Listening?: Five Great Ways to Connect with Your Child and Get Them to Comply!” Do you ever find yourself repeating the same request over and over? Do you sometimes find yourself listening half-heartedly to your child while juggling 3 other tasks? Do you long for more meaningful conversations with your child? If you answered YES to any of these questions, then please join this stimulating discussion on ways to fine-tune the conversations you have with your child.

Tues., May 10, Noon to 1 p.m., Working Family Resource Center, 325 Cedar St., St. Paul, MN. Free. To register, call Jamie at 651-293-5330.

"Bullying Hurts: How to Help Your Child Cope and Conquer" The sad truth is that bullying is rampant in our children's school. Estimates are that half of all school children experience the stress and anxiety that results from bullying. Very practical, step-by-step ideas will be taught so that parents leave with concrete tools for empowering their children. Wed., May 11 6:30-7:45 p.m., Hancock Hamline Elementary School, St. Paul, MN 651-293-8715.

Parent-to-Parent

What's the name of a parenting book, website or article that you've enjoyed? Please share your thoughts with other parents! Please include the name of the book, the author, and the year it was published. Also, include what you liked about the book.

"I think "A Chicken's Guide to Talking Turkey with Your Kids About Sex" by Kevin Leman and Kathy Flores Bell is a good book for people with young children (birth to elementary school age) just starting to have conversations with their children about sex, but it's probably not the only book that you'll need.

The information is helpful about what normal development is and what's appropriate to talk about at different ages, although they don't give specific advice about what you can say to your kids. The authors suggest that you start teaching kids about respect and boundaries early on. That will translate later to their ability to trust you and ask you sensitive questions.

There's nothing novel in the book, but they presented the information in a way that I hadn't thought of before. For instance, if your child has "sleepies" in their eye and you say "Gross!" that teaches them that normal body functions are gross and they may not talk to you later about their developing bodies.

They talk about the importance of parents modeling positive expectations for relationships, following a strict routine, teaching children to delay gratification, following through, developing foresight and managing time as principles that will help your child make healthy choices later. It's good to keep those things in mind. Kari B.

Distribution Rights

Families First Coaching Newsletter is copyrighted, but you may retransmit or
distribute it to others as long as you acknowledge familiesfirstcoaching.com as the source of the information. However, you may not copy it to a web site.
Republication, and distribution, of Families First Coaching Newsletter in print is encouraged and permitted as long as the issue is printed in its entirety and includes the contact information.


	Table of Contents- May, 2005 Feature Article- "Mealtime Mania: Or Let Them Eat Cake (Sometimes!)" Parent-to Parent- Tattling/Hating the Doctor A Good Read- "A Chicken's Guide to Talking Turkey With Your Kids About Sex" Free Time- "Story-Making" Positive Discipline Methods- Praise Upcoming Classes
	Your Input is Needed! I'm pleased to announce that I have teamed up with Julia Kalish, a Certified Nutritionist and Health and Nutrition Coach, to develop an E-book on children's nutrition and mealtime dilemmas that parents face. What problems do you face at mealtime? We'd like your input! Send us your questions along with the problems you face and we'll find the answers for you! Send your inquiries to: toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com Thanks! Also, to sign up for Julia's FREE monthly nutrition e-newsletter, Healthy Insights, visit www.innervoicenutrition.com. Free Sample Parent Coaching Session If you'd like to know more about me and give parent coaching a try, just e-mail me at: toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or give me a call at 612-810-8687 and we can schedule a free sample session. During this time, we'll get acquainted and you can share the topics you might like to cover with a parent coach. Together, we can figure out if parent coaching would be helpful to meet the needs of your family. Toni is proud to be an Alliance Coach with: Check out the website at www.unlimitedgrowthpotential.com

	Mealtime Mania: Or Let Them Eat Cake (Sometimes!) The family meal, once a common occurrence in American homes, has now been usurped by activity after activity. It's estimated that only 30 percent of us eat meals together regularly.Yet, all research points to the fact that the family meal is a relic worth saving. Consider that adolescents who eat 5-6 meals per week with their families are 7-24% less likely to smoke cigarettes or marijuana, drink alcohol or show signs of depression than are teens who eat with the family less frequently. (1) Mealtime conversation was found to build a child's vocabulary and boost intelligence more than listening to stories or reading aloud. (2) A University of Michigan study found that more mealtime at home was the single strongest predictor of better achievement scores and fewer behavioral problems. Mealtime was far more powerful than time spent in school, studying, church, playing sports, and art activities. (3) Through the family meal your child learns how to make conversation, how to use good manners, and how to eat nutritiously. When viewed in this light, the family meal is well worth the effort it takes to orchestrate. So, how can you make the family meal a pleasant experience for all involved? Let's look at common problems that families face and I'll offer a few solutions to get you started. Problem: We simply don't have time to eat together regularly.* Solution: Consider cutting back on one or more activities. Or choose activities that do not commonly occur during the dinner hour. Also, be creative. Perhaps the family meal can be at 8 p.m.? Bring a picnic dinner to soccer practice and eat right before or after the practice. Pick up take out and eat in the car together! Problem: I don't have time to make dinner after working 40+ hours a week! Solution: In Minnesota, we have a company called Mix It Up Meals that makes meal preparation as easy as it can be. You simply go to their website (www.mixitupmeals.com) or to one of their stores and look at the dinner options for the month. You pick the meals you want to make and go to the store where all the ingredients are provided for you. In two hours time, you'll have prepared 8-14 main dish meals that you can simply take out of the freezer and heat up for your family. See if there's a local resource in your area. At our house, we always double the recipe so we have leftovers. Hence, we only cook three nights a week and have pizza every Sunday night. I read about a mom who developed a list of 30 of her family's favorite meals. She served each meal once a month and then started again at the top of the rotation. She kept the recipes at hand and developed a standard grocery list each week so she'd have the ingredients on hand. Problem: My child is a picky eater and doesn't want to eat what the rest of us eat. Solution: Many experts recommend involving your child in various aspects of meal preparation. Have your child help develop the menus, making sure that at each meal there is at least one food that your child likes. Have the child find the ingredients at the grocery store. Have them help wash the fruit or vegetables and set the table. If you're patient, let them cook with you. Any of these steps will help your child develop an interest in meals and possibly tempt them to try more than one food. Also, nutritionists point out that it can take 10-12 presentations of a food item before a child will try it and/or like it. Also, consider making "flexible" meals. For instance, if you serve tacos, each person gets to decide what ingredients to put on their taco. If one child doesn't eat meat, then s/he can just put cheese and/or vegetables on his/her taco. When serving pasta, the child gets to decide if they want sauce, parmesan cheese or butter on their noodles. Problem: My child eats like a bird. I'm worried that they're not getting their nutritional needs met. Solution: The message that many pediatricians and nutritionists are giving is to relax! The most important job you have is to provide a variety of healthy foods at each meal. Your child's job is to decide how much of each food to eat. If your child has the energy to run around and is healthy overall, then let your child follow their instinctive needs for nutrition. If you're concerned, of course, check with your pediatrician and ask about the use of a multivitamin. Problem: My children never clean their plates! It's so wasteful! Solution: Although many of us were required to clean our plates as children, the common wisdom today is that a CHILD must decide when they are full, NOT the parent. When we force our children to eat food we're telling them to overlook their satiation signals, to eat to please us, and that we're the ones in control of their eating... all dangerous practices that may later result in eating disorders and obesity. Also, consider serving only very small amounts of each food to a child. The plate looks more inviting to the child and you'll feel better if they reach for more rather than throwing food away. Problem: Mealtime conversation is pretty lackluster at our house. Any ideas? Solution: At one of the parent education classes that I give, I've brainstormed with parents about this problem. Here are a few creative ideas. Ask: If you had just three wishes, what would you wish for?; What do you think it would be like to be an astronaut or a veteranarian?; If you could be any animal, what would you want to be and why?; or What was your favorite birthday? Also, a book that caters to the subject is "Keep Talking: Conversation Starters for the Family Meal" by Treacy Lahr and Julie Pfitzinger. For other mealtime hassles that you face, please e-mail Toni at toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com and we'll include answers in an upcoming e-book that 'll be published by the end of the year. (1.Study done by Marla Eisenberg, Epidemiologist, University of Minnesota) (2. Study done by Diane Beals, ED.D, University of Tulsa and Patton Tabors, Ed.D, Harvard) (3. University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research, Center Survey, January, 1999. Reported by Sandra L. Hofferth, "Changes in American Children's Time, 1981-1997.")

	Positive Discipline Options Each month a positive discipline option is offered. Collect them all and expand your repertoire! Definition: The word "discipline" is from the root word "disciple" which means "one who teaches." The essence of discipline, therefore, is to provide a learning experience for the child to grow. (Provided by Dave Hudson) Praise Your children crave your attention, so use praise when they're behaving well. They'll learn that positive behavior gets them more of your attention than negative behavior does. To use praise effectively, follow these rules: 1) Move close to your child. 2) Look them in the eye. 3) Smile. 4.) Be specific with your praise. 5) Praise the behavior not the child. Ie. You shared your candy with your sister. That was so kind! 6) Be sincere. 7) Do it immediately after you see the positive behavior.

	Upcoming TeleClasses Take these classes from the comfort of home! You'll join other parents, via telephone, for parenting tips and a lively discussion all while sitting in your favorite armchair! There's no need to waste time driving to classes when you can participate from home in a "teleclass." “Are You Listening?: Five Great Ways to Connect with Your Child and Get Them to Comply!” Do you ever find yourself repeating the same request over and over? Do you sometimes find yourself listening half-heartedly to your child while juggling 3 other tasks? Do you long for more meaningful conversations with your child? If you answered YES to any of these questions, then please join this stimulating discussion on ways to fine-tune the conversations you have with your child. Thurs., May 19, 6-7:15 p.m. CST, 7-8:15 EST, ($20) To register, E-mail Toni at: toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com ($20) “Managing Your Child’s Anger: Triggers and Solutions for Coping Has your child had a tantrum lately, thrown toys across the room or hit a sibling? Odds are that s/he has! Children’s anger can be exacerbating for parents. Come to this class to learn common triggers for a child’s anger, solutions for coping, and skills to teach your child so you’ll both be less frazzled! Parents with children age 3-12 will benefit the most from this class. Thurs., May 24, 6-7:30 p.m. CST, 7-8:30 p.m. EST. To register, E-mail Toni at: toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com ($25) “Overscheduled? Take Action to Improve Your Work/Family Balance” Feeling torn in many different directions? Ever riddled by guilt? Rarely have time for yourself? This two-part session will help you examine your life and how happy you are with your current choices. Tools for assessing balance will be provided along with steps you can take to live the life you want! JUST $40 for both sessions, a $60 savings! This "class" will be done privately, so you can register at your convenience. To register: Send an e-mail to toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or call 612-810-8687 with any questions. IN-PERSON CLASSES “Five Practical Steps for Boosting Your Child’s Self-Esteem” While self-esteem is a complex matter, this class will provide practical suggestions on helping your child feel confident and capable. Concrete tools that will help your child grow stronger in five areas will be provided. Thurs., May 5, 7:00-8:15 p.m. ($20) at Central Pediatrics, Woodbury, MN. To register, call Trish Pitcher at 651-731-5011. Are You Listening?: Five Great Ways to Connect with Your Child and Get Them to Comply!” Do you ever find yourself repeating the same request over and over? Do you sometimes find yourself listening half-heartedly to your child while juggling 3 other tasks? Do you long for more meaningful conversations with your child? If you answered YES to any of these questions, then please join this stimulating discussion on ways to fine-tune the conversations you have with your child. Tues., May 10, Noon to 1 p.m., Working Family Resource Center, 325 Cedar St., St. Paul, MN. Free. To register, call Jamie at 651-293-5330. "Bullying Hurts: How to Help Your Child Cope and Conquer" The sad truth is that bullying is rampant in our children's school. Estimates are that half of all school children experience the stress and anxiety that results from bullying. Very practical, step-by-step ideas will be taught so that parents leave with concrete tools for empowering their children. Wed., May 11 6:30-7:45 p.m., Hancock Hamline Elementary School, St. Paul, MN 651-293-8715.

	Parent-to-Parent This is a place for parents to exchange ideas. Would you like to get ideas from other parents about a parenting concern? Do you have good ideas that might help another parent? Feel free to contribute!! For June:Q. My child hates going to the doctor. Any ideas would be helpful. J.M. Readers, give us your ideas!! How have you successfully handled this problem? Just send your responses to:news@familiesfirstcoaching.com. I'll share your suggestions next month. Feel free to pose a question, too!! From Last Month: : Q. My kids are constantly tattling. Help! C.L. Readers responded with these ideas: "We had a discussion about the difference between tattling and telling. Tattling is when you tell just to get someone else in trouble. Telling is when you or someone else may get hurt and you tell an adult so they can help. That way I can label what they tell me and eventually, they'll learn the difference." M.L. "I will often listen to the offense and then redirect them to solve the problem themselves." K.S. "I find that it works to let each side tell their side of the story and air their frustration. Then, together we try to find solutions that will work." A.L.

	A Good Read What's the name of a parenting book, website or article that you've enjoyed? Please share your thoughts with other parents! Please include the name of the book, the author, and the year it was published. Also, include what you liked about the book. "I think "A Chicken's Guide to Talking Turkey with Your Kids About Sex" by Kevin Leman and Kathy Flores Bell is a good book for people with young children (birth to elementary school age) just starting to have conversations with their children about sex, but it's probably not the only book that you'll need. The information is helpful about what normal development is and what's appropriate to talk about at different ages, although they don't give specific advice about what you can say to your kids. The authors suggest that you start teaching kids about respect and boundaries early on. That will translate later to their ability to trust you and ask you sensitive questions. There's nothing novel in the book, but they presented the information in a way that I hadn't thought of before. For instance, if your child has "sleepies" in their eye and you say "Gross!" that teaches them that normal body functions are gross and they may not talk to you later about their developing bodies. They talk about the importance of parents modeling positive expectations for relationships, following a strict routine, teaching children to delay gratification, following through, developing foresight and managing time as principles that will help your child make healthy choices later. It's good to keep those things in mind. Kari B.

	*"Free" Time!* What does your family do for fun that doesn't cost a lot of money?? Let's share some ideas!! Story-Making! "My daughter has a book that shows how to easily draw animals. Using that as a reference,each of us drew pictures of different animals. Then we wrote a story together about what happens to the various critters. It was fun to write and illustrate a book together and my youngest daughter loves rereading it! A.S.

	Toni Schutta, Publisher, Families First Coaching Newsletter Toni Schutta is a Parent Coach with a Master's Degree in Psychology and 10 years experience working with children and families. She's also the mother of two wonderful children, a Licensed Psychologist, a certified graduate of the Mentor Coach Foundations Program and a member of the International Coach Federation. Families First Coaching is an organization devoted to building strong families by empowering parents with practical information, easy-to-use tools and helpful resources that will help you be the best parent possible. Individual parent coaching sessions are available along with parent-to-parent support groups and parent education classes. Check out the website at http://www.familiesfirstcoaching.com for a complete list of services.

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	Distribution Rights Families First Coaching Newsletter is copyrighted, but you may retransmit or distribute it to others as long as you acknowledge familiesfirstcoaching.com as the source of the information. However, you may not copy it to a web site. Republication, and distribution, of Families First Coaching Newsletter in print is encouraged and permitted as long as the issue is printed in its entirety and includes the contact information. Copyright 2004 Families First Coaching.