Families First Newsletter

Upcoming TeleClasses

Take these classes from the comfort of home! You'll join other parents, via telephone, for parenting tips and a lively discussion all while sitting in your favorite armchair! There's no need to waste time driving to classes when you can participate from home in a "teleclass."

“Relief for Homework Headaches” is a parenting class designed to help parents solve the most common homework problems. Parents will learn how the homework brain works, methods for identifying their child’s learning style and ways to make learning fun. Parents will leave the class with strategies for motivating their child, plans for creating rituals that provide consistency and a “checklist for change.” Come to “school” for 75 minutes and find relief that will last throughout the year! Sun., Sept. 18, 7 p.m.-8:15 p.m. CT (8 p.m. -9:15 p.m. ET) or Tues., Sept. 20, 7 p.m. - 8:15 p.m. CT (8 p.m. -9:15 p.m. ET). ($25) To register: Send an e-mail to toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or call 612-810-8687 with any questions.

“Overscheduled? Take Action to Improve Your Work/Family Balance”
Feeling torn in many different directions? Ever riddled by guilt? Rarely have time for yourself? This two-part session will help you examine your life and how happy you are with your current choices. Tools for assessing balance will be provided along with steps you can take to live the life you want! JUST $49 for both sessions, a $49 savings! This "class" will be done privately, so you can register at your convenience. To register: Send an e-mail to toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or call 612-810-8687 with any questions.

IN-PERSON CLASSES

“Siblings Without Rivalry: How To Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too” This is an abbreviated class based on the best-selling book “Siblings Without Rivalry.” Hands down, this is the best book ever written about how to nurture sibling relationships. The topics covered are: helping siblings deal with their feelings about each other; keeping children separate and unequal; siblings in roles; when the kids fight and problem solving; Take this class to help reduce sibling squabbles and make harmony possible. Thurs., Sept. 8, Noon-1 p.m., Securian Financial Group Employees, St. Paul, MN.

Managing Your Child’s Anger: Triggers and Solutions for Coping Has your child had a tantrum lately, thrown toys across the room or hit a sibling? Odds are that s/he has! Children’s anger can be exacerbating for parents. Come to this class to learn common triggers for a child’s anger, solutions for coping, and skills to teach your child so you’ll both be less frazzled! Thurs., Sept. 15, 5:30 p.m., Wellstone Elementary School, St. Paul, MN.

Managing Your Child’s Anger: Triggers and Solutions for Coping Has your child had a tantrum lately, thrown toys across the room or hit a sibling? Odds are that s/he has! Children’s anger can be exacerbating for parents. Come to this class to learn common triggers for a child’s anger, solutions for coping, and skills to teach your child so you’ll both be less frazzled! Sat., Sept. 17, 10 a.m.-11:30 a.m., $20 per family. To register: Send an e-mail to toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or call 612-810-8687 with any questions.


	Table of Contents- September, 2005 Feature Article- "Reduce Homework Hassles Now!" Parent-to Parent- Pets/Interrupting A Good Read- "Mother-Daughter Wisdom" Free Time- "Games, Games, Games!" Positive Discipline Methods- Active Ignoring Upcoming Classes
	Free Sample Parent Coaching Session If you'd like to know more about me and give parent coaching a try, just e-mail me at: toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or give me a call at 612-810-8687 and we can schedule a free sample session. During this time, we'll get acquainted and you can share the topics you might like to cover with a parent coach. Together, we can figure out if parent coaching would be helpful to meet the needs of your family. Toni is proud to be an Alliance Coach with: Check out the website at www.unlimitedgrowthpotential.com

	Reduce Homework Hassles Now! Do you hate homework time? Does your child? I must confess that the homework hour at our house was the worst part of our day. My oldest daughter HATED sitting down to memorize 25 spelling words, do math worksheets and read after sitting in a desk for 6.5 hours and I resented having to spend this precious time with her doing worksheets and struggling to cram more information into her head. So, I began to do research on how we could make homework time a better experience for both of us. I found many useful pieces of information along the way and I'd like to share some of the tips I learned with you today. I've also put together a 75- minute teleclass packed with useful tips that I know will help you! It's made a tremendous difference at our house and with my clients who have adopted these practices. Did you know that there is a "homework brain" ???* I didn't! The concept of a "homework brain" was developed by Faith and Cecil Clark, psychologists who devoted themselves to improving the learning abilities of children at the National Learning Laboratory. The idea is that there is a thinking, feeling and doing part of the brain that must all be in synch before a child can complete homework assignments independently, without a lot of hassle. Today, we'll focus on the "doing" part of the homework brain. The "doing" portion of the brain LOVES rituals. It is a creature of habit. The doing part of our brain breathes for us, regulates our heart and many other tasks that are done automatically for us. In regard to homework, the goal is for the doing brain to shift into auto-pilot when it's time to do homework, so homework can become a ritual that's done automatically. To accomplish this there are several steps that you can take with your child to begin to create a satisfying homework ritual. 1. Determine, with your child, a consistent place to do homework. Experiment with your child to find a place that they feel most comfortable doing homework. It could be at the kitchen table, on the floor in your family room, on a bean bag chair in their bedroom, at a desk in the home office... When they've found a place that's the best for doing homework, stick with it! 2. Determine whether your child needs to be near you, or can work independently. Some children need to have solitude to concentrate best. Others need to be near a parent. Yet others do better with a homework buddy. Again, work with your child on determining what situation best meets their needs. 3. Consider the level of noise during homework time. Some children need it totally quiet to concentrate. Other children can handle background noise. Yet other children will actually benefit from playing background music. I've seen several studies that suggest that playing Baroque music actually enhances the learning experiences of some children, particularly those who are auditory learners. (Baroque music uses chromaticism, strict forms and elaborate ornamentation and includes composers like Bach, Handl and Vivaldi from the mid 1500s to mid- 1700s.) 4. Find a consistent time to do homework. The ideal sitation is that a child does homework at the same time every day, so the doing part of the homework brain kicks in and says, "It's time to do homework now." Short of that, you can at least pick a daily schedule. So, for instance, on Monday, homework can be done right after Girl Scouts. On Tuesdays, homework is done right after piano lessons, etc. Please note that some children will do best if they have a break after school. Consider letting them have a snack, play outside or do some other enjoyable activity before they start doing homework. Also, think outside the box. If your child is an early riser, perhaps s/he could do homework before school the next morning? 5. Develop a homework "basket." Gather together all of the supplies that you and your child think s/he will need to do homework this year. Put pencils, erasers, a ruler, a calculator, scissors, tape, etc. in a basket that is used exclusively for homework. Keep this nearby the homework "station" that you and your child pick and it will be easy to get started and keep going without having to scramble for supplies. 6. Keep the TV off! Be sure to prohibit TV viewing during homework time and consider not answering the phone, then, too! These are some ideas to help get you and your child started on completing homework without a lot of hassles. I have many more pointers to help you lower the stress level over homework. Please join me on Sun., Sept. 18, 7 p.m.-8:15 p.m. CT (8 p.m. -9:15 p.m. ET) or Tues., Sept. 20, 7 p.m. CT (8 p.m. -9:15 p.m. ET). ($25) To register: Send an e-mail to toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or call 612-810-8687 with any questions. It will be the best $25 you've ever spent! Reference: * “Hassle-Free Homework: A Six-Week Plan for Parents and Children to Take the Pain out of Homework” by Faith Clark, Ph.D. and Cecil Clark, Ph.D, 1989, Doubleday.

	Positive Discipline Options Each month a positive discipline option is offered. Collect them all and expand your repertoire! Definition: The word "discipline" is from the root word "disciple" which means "one who teaches." The essence of discipline, therefore, is to provide a learning experience for the child to grow. (Provided by Dave Hudson) Active Ignoring Ignoring a child's minor misbehavior can be a very effective discipline tool when used correctly. This strategy works because a parent's attention is one of the most powerful motivators for children. Active ignoring means that you absolutely do not respond to your child with words, eye contact or body language when a minor misbehavior occurs. (In fact, it can be very helpful to turn your back to the child and even leave the room that the child is in.) You must not give the child positive or negative attention. And you must ignore the behavior every single time it occurs until the child no longer does it, or you'll be starting at square one again. Active ignoring can be used when a child begins to have a tantrum, a child is pouting or whining, a child is nagging you, or when siblings are saying things like "He's looking at me!" Please note that the child's behavior will typically get worse before it gets better because s/he will try even harder to get your attention. Just remember, if you choose to use this method, you must grit your teeth and NOT give them any attention!

	Upcoming TeleClasses Take these classes from the comfort of home! You'll join other parents, via telephone, for parenting tips and a lively discussion all while sitting in your favorite armchair! There's no need to waste time driving to classes when you can participate from home in a "teleclass." “Relief for Homework Headaches” is a parenting class designed to help parents solve the most common homework problems. Parents will learn how the homework brain works, methods for identifying their child’s learning style and ways to make learning fun. Parents will leave the class with strategies for motivating their child, plans for creating rituals that provide consistency and a “checklist for change.” Come to “school” for 75 minutes and find relief that will last throughout the year! Sun., Sept. 18, 7 p.m.-8:15 p.m. CT (8 p.m. -9:15 p.m. ET) or Tues., Sept. 20, 7 p.m. - 8:15 p.m. CT (8 p.m. -9:15 p.m. ET). ($25) To register: Send an e-mail to toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or call 612-810-8687 with any questions. “Overscheduled? Take Action to Improve Your Work/Family Balance” Feeling torn in many different directions? Ever riddled by guilt? Rarely have time for yourself? This two-part session will help you examine your life and how happy you are with your current choices. Tools for assessing balance will be provided along with steps you can take to live the life you want! JUST $49 for both sessions, a $49 savings! This "class" will be done privately, so you can register at your convenience. To register: Send an e-mail to toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or call 612-810-8687 with any questions. IN-PERSON CLASSES “Siblings Without Rivalry: How To Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too” This is an abbreviated class based on the best-selling book “Siblings Without Rivalry.” Hands down, this is the best book ever written about how to nurture sibling relationships. The topics covered are: helping siblings deal with their feelings about each other; keeping children separate and unequal; siblings in roles; when the kids fight and problem solving; Take this class to help reduce sibling squabbles and make harmony possible. Thurs., Sept. 8, Noon-1 p.m., Securian Financial Group Employees, St. Paul, MN. Managing Your Child’s Anger: Triggers and Solutions for Coping Has your child had a tantrum lately, thrown toys across the room or hit a sibling? Odds are that s/he has! Children’s anger can be exacerbating for parents. Come to this class to learn common triggers for a child’s anger, solutions for coping, and skills to teach your child so you’ll both be less frazzled! Thurs., Sept. 15, 5:30 p.m., Wellstone Elementary School, St. Paul, MN. Managing Your Child’s Anger: Triggers and Solutions for Coping Has your child had a tantrum lately, thrown toys across the room or hit a sibling? Odds are that s/he has! Children’s anger can be exacerbating for parents. Come to this class to learn common triggers for a child’s anger, solutions for coping, and skills to teach your child so you’ll both be less frazzled! Sat., Sept. 17, 10 a.m.-11:30 a.m., $20 per family. To register: Send an e-mail to toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or call 612-810-8687 with any questions.

	Parent-to-Parent This is a place for parents to exchange ideas. Would you like to get ideas from other parents about a parenting concern? Do you have good ideas that might help another parent? Feel free to contribute!! For Oct.: Q. My kids are constantly interrupting me and it drives me crazy. They seem to be especially rude when I'm trying to have a conversation with my husband. Help! D.K. Readers, give us your ideas!! How have you successfully handled this problem? Just send your responses to:news@familiesfirstcoaching.com. I'll share your suggestions next month. Feel free to pose a question, too!! From Last Month: My kids are bugging me for a pet. Any advice on bringing a new pet into the family? T.K. Editor's Note: Kelly Wright, a breeder who sells both cats and dogs provided these phenomenal tips: 1) First you must animal-proof your house so the new pet will be safe. 2) Have all of the products like food, feeding dishes, litter, kennel, etc. ready before you bring the pet home. 3) Ask the breeder of the pet the exact names of products they've used so you can provide the same products for the pet when you bring it home. 4) Make sure that someone will be home with the new pet, at least for the first week, to help the pet get acclimated to its new home. 5) Monitor any interaction between young children and the new pet, making sure the child holds the pet for only a minute or two at a time. The pet is already under stress living in a new environment. 6) Be sure to have rules for children about being gentle, not pulling the animal's tail, keeping their face away from the animal's face, never petting an animal while they are eating, etc. 7) Teach the child to cue into an animal's signals. For instance, if the child is holding the pet and it pulls away, put the animal down. Never chase after a pet or scream at it.

	A Good Read What's the name of a parenting book, website or article that you've enjoyed? Please share your thoughts with other parents! Please include the name of the book, the author, and the year it was published. Also, include what you liked about the book. "Mother-Daughter Wisdom" by Christiane Northrup, MD "This book covers a lot of ground in exploring, and explaining, the mother-daughter relationship and how this first relationship sets the stage for the rest of our lives. Dr. Northrup talks about the importance a mother has as a daughter’s first and most powerful role model, and how our lifelong beliefs and behavior stem from this relationship. The book discusses everything from conception and birth to the end of life. I found Dr. Northrup’s depiction of “life as a house” to be very interesting and helpful. She breaks down life stages in 7-year increments. For example, her “Room Two” chapter covers the years of seven to 14. Within this section of the book Dr. Northrup talks about helping your daughter develop a moral compass, the importance of self-esteem, the influence of friendships, puberty and coming of age, and food and weight issues (rather, how not to develop them). There is so much to talk about within this 600+ page book that is relevant to women: physical and emotional health, parenting, psychology, how to discover your purpose and passion in life, and how, if needed, to create a better adult relationship with your own mother. It is a great guide for any parent to read." D.H.

	*"Free" Time!* What does your family do for fun that doesn't cost a lot of money?? Let's share some ideas!! Great Ideas for Games "I wanted to pass on a great resource for ideas on games to play with children. You can choose from outdoor games to play during the last few months of good weather or you may need some indoor game ideas for parties when you volunteer at your child's school this year! Go to http://familyfun.go.com/games/indoor-outdoor-games/tool/game_finder_tlp (please note there is an underscore after both game and finder) and you will find hundreds of ideas for games. You can type in the ages of the children, number of participants and whether the games are for a special occasion like Halloween and you'll find fun ideas to share with your kids!" Toni

	Toni Schutta, Publisher, Families First Coaching Newsletter Toni Schutta is a Parent Coach with a Master's Degree in Psychology and 11 years experience working with children and families. She's also the mother of two wonderful children, a Licensed Psychologist, a certified graduate of the Mentor Coach Foundations Program and a member of the International Coach Federation. Families First Coaching is an organization devoted to building strong families by empowering parents with practical information, easy-to-use tools and helpful resources that will help you be the best parent possible. Individual parent coaching sessions are available along with parent-to-parent support groups and parent education classes. Check out the website at http://www.familiesfirstcoaching.com for a complete list of services.

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