Families First Newsletter

Table of Contents- March, 2005
Feature Article- "Want Compliance? Eight Ways to Tackle Defiance"
Parent-to Parent- Grocery Store Tantrums/Name Calling
A Good Read- "Family First"
Free Time- "Home Movies"
Positive Discipline Methods- Parental Time Out
Upcoming Classes

Parent-to-Parent Groups to Help Parents Find Answers

and Support Will Start in March!

You can get the support you deserve and the answers you need by joining a Parent-to-Parent Group starting March 14. You'll meet with Toni Schutta, a Parent Coach with 10 years experience helping parents find solutions that work, along with other 5-10 other parents, once a week by telephone. The goal is to empower you with practical ideas, fresh insights and support to meet the unique parenting challenges you face.

Here are the benefits to joining a Parent-to-Parent Group:

1) You get to share your parenting concerns, confidentially, and get the answers you need!

2) You will connect regularly with other parents who can help you brainstorm options to the problems you’re experiencing!

3) You get the support you need from other parents who are in the same boat!

4) You receive the help of an experienced Parent Coach (Toni Schutta) who will offer fresh insights that are proven effective!

5) You can help other parents by sharing ideas and resources that have been helpful to you in your parenting!

6) You may select a parenting topic for Toni to address at an upcoming meeting and that topic will be tailor-made for your needs!

7) The group meets by telephone (It’s like a conference call), so you just sit back and call from the comfort of your favorite chair and there’s no time wasted on the road!

Here’s how the Parent-to-Parent Group will work:

1) The group will meet once a week for 8 weeks, by telephone, for 45 minutes.

2) The group will be restricted to 5-10 parents to ensure lots of interaction and specialized attention for every participant. No new parents will be added to your group until the 8 week session is over.

3) Each parent will have the option of renewing their participation for another 8 week session after the first 8 weeks is completed.

You’ll receive:

· expert advice!

· the help you need

· and the support you deserve so you can meet the challenges of life’s toughest job… all for just $20 a week! (Payments made every 4 weeks.)

I’ll be offering two options for Parent-to-Parent Groups:

1) Monday evenings, 7:00 p.m. to 7:45 p.m. CST (March 14, 28, April 4, 11, 18, 25, May 2 and May 9)

2) Thursday afternoons, 1:30 p.m. to 2:15 p.m. CST (March 17, 31, April 7, 14, 21, 28, May 5 and 12.)

3) Days and times for meeting could be flexible, so e-mail Toni if you’re interested, but the times I've listed don’t work for you.

Register before March 9th and receive your first week free! Call Toni at 612-810-8687 with any questions or e-mail Toni for a registration form at: toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com.

Free Sample Parent Coaching Session

If you'd like to know more about me and give parent coaching a try, just e-mail me at:toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or give me a call at 612-810-8687 and we can schedule a free sample session. During this time, we'll get acquainted and you can share the topics you might like to cover with a parent coach. Together, we can figure out if parent coaching would be helpful to meet the needs of your family.

Toni is proud to be an Alliance Coach with:

Check out the website at: www.unlimitedgrowthpotential.com

Want Compliance? Eight Ways to Tackle Defiance!

Dealing with a defiant child can be exasperating! Children who are defiant will readily enter a power struggle and often wear a parent down. The key is not to enter the power struggle with an oppositional child. Listed below are eight options you can use to gain more cooperation from your child.

Use positive communication. Try phrasing your parenting command in a positive way versus a negative way. For example, if your child says “Can I watch TV now?” instead of just saying, “No. You can’t.” you could say “I can tape this show for you to watch after dinner.”

Give the child two choices. As a parent you can pick two choices that are equally acceptable to you and offer them to your child. The child is less likely to be oppositional if they feel they have some control over the outcome. For example you could say, “Would you like to do your chore before school or after school today?”

Reflect the feeling back to the child. Sometimes showing compassion for the child by reflecting back what they’re feeling can be helpful. You could say, “You’re irritated right now because you can’t finish building the Lego tower. It’s hard to leave a project before you’re done, isn’t it?”

Tell them what you’re seeing and state what you’d like to see. “Wow! You really like to say “no.” I love it when I hear kids say, “YES! YES! YES!” You could tickle the child or use humor to see if you can get them to say “YES!”

Grant them their wish in fantasy. If your child is impatient about going to a friend’s house, you could say, “You really wish you could go now. You’re really looking forward to seeing your friend.”

State your command as a statement, not as a question. Parents often say “Would you like to do your homework now?” or other commands that should be stated in a firm voice. Instead, just say, “ It’s time to do homework now.”

Make it fun to get to the next place. If your child has trouble with transitions and becomes oppositional, ask them to hop like a frog to the door, or have their favorite CD waiting for them in the car.

Establish house rules. If the house rule is that bedtime is at 8 p.m., then simply state the rule. If the child argues, just repeat the rule over and over, rather than entering into a debate with the child.

Positive Discipline Options

Each month a positive discipline option is offered. Collect them all and expand your repertoire!

Definition: The word "discipline" is from the root word "disciple" which means "one who teaches." The essence of discipline, therefore, is to provide a learning experience for the child to grow. (Provided by Dave Hudson)

Give Yourself a Time Out

All parents get angry at their children sometimes. You can set a great example for your child and prevent yourself from saying, or doing, something that you later regret, by giving yourself a time out. Cool down and then think through the best course of action.

For example, if your child has just broken your favorite vase after you've reminded him three times not to jump on the furniture, you might say," I'm very angry now and I need 10 minutes to cool down. Then we'll discuss this and I'll tell you what the consequence will be."

Not only are you saving yourself and your child from a potential blow-up, but you're also modeling that when a person is angry it's a good decision to stop, leave the situation, calm down and then resolve the conflict in a reasonabltemanner. Give it a try! You won't regret it!

Upcoming TeleClasses

Take these classes from the comfort of home! You'll join other parents, via telephone, for parenting tips and a lively discussion all while sitting in your favorite armchair! There's no need to waste time driving to classes when you can participate from home in a "teleclass."

"Managing Your Child’s Anger: Triggers and Solutions for Coping" Has your child had a tantrum lately, thrown toys across the room or hit a sibling? Odds are that s/he has! Children’s anger can be exacerbating for parents. Come to this teleclass to learn common triggers for a child’s anger, solutions for coping, and skills to teach your child so you’ll both be less frazzled! Thursday, March 3, 6:00 -7:30 CST, E-mail Toni at: toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com ($25)

“Are You Listening: Five Great Ways to Foster Compliance and Understanding with Your Child” Do you ever find yourself repeating the same request over and over? Do you sometimes find yourself listening half-heartedly to your child while juggling 3 other tasks? Do you long for more meaningful conversations with your child? If you answered YES to any of these questions, then please join this stimulating discussion on ways to fine-tune the conversations you have with your child. Tuesday, March 15, 6:00- 7:15 p.m. CST, E-mail Toni at: toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com ($20)

Over Scheduled? 3 Steps You Can Take Now to Improve Your Work/Family Balance

Feeling torn in many different directions? Ever riddled by guilt? Rarely have time for yourself? This two-part session will help you examine your life and how happy you are with your current choices. Tools for assessing balance will be provided along with steps you can take to live the life you want! JUST $40 for both sessions, a $60 savings! This "class" will be done privately, so you can register at your convenience. To register: Send an e-mail to toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or call 612-810-8687 with any questions.

IN-PERSON CLASSES

“Are You Listening: Five Great Ways to Foster Compliance and Understanding with Your Child” Do you ever find yourself repeating the same request over and over? Do you sometimes find yourself listening half-heartedly to your child while juggling 3 other tasks? Do you long for more meaningful conversations with your child? If you answered YES to any of these questions, then please join this stimulating discussion on ways to fine-tune the conversations you have with your child. Thursday, March 10, 7:00- 8:15 P.M., CST, Central Pediatrics, Woodbury, MN. ($20) Call Trish at 651-731-5011 to register.

Over Scheduled? 3 Steps You Can Take Now to Improve Your Work/Family Balance

Feeling torn in different directions? Riddled by guilt? Rarely have time for yourself? This two-part class will help you examine your life and how happy you are with your current choices. Tools for assessing balance will be provided along with tips on how to take steps to live the life you want. Come prepared to take action! This two-part class will be held Tuesday, March 29^th and Tuesday, April 5^th from 7:00 to 8:15 p.m. CST at Central Pediatrics, Woodbury, MN. ($30 for both classes) Call Trish at 651-731-5011 to register.

Parent-to-Parent

This is a place for parents to exchange ideas. Would you like to get ideas from other parents about a parenting concern? Do you have good ideas that might help another parent? Feel free to contribute!!

For April.: Q. My children call each other names. I'd like some advice for stopping it. P.L.

Readers, give us your ideas!! How haveyou successfully handled this problem?
Just send your responses to:news@familiesfirstcoaching.com. I'll
share your suggestions next month.Feel free to pose a question, too!!

From Last Month: : Q. .My child throws awful temper tantrums at the grocery store. What can I do? L.P.

.
Readers responded with these ideas:

"I prepare the children right before we get to the store by going over the rules and if they follow the rules, they get a treat at the end of the trip." J.K.

"I've used this with great success over the years. Each of my kids gets a big sucker when we enter the grocery store and the rule is that they can't bite the sucker, only lick it. It lasts them through most of the trip. It's one of the only times that they're allowed to have suckers, so they look forward to it!" A.S.

"Sometimes I play "I Spy" in the store. I call out different colored food items, or shapes and have them look for the items in the aisle that we're in. It's fun!" B.D.

"My kids love collecting coupons, so I let them get the coupons in the dispensers in the aisle. They also get to hold my coupons and look for the products I want to buy." D.L.

A Good Read

What's the name of a parenting book, website or article that you've enjoyed? Please share your thoughts with other parents! Please include the name of the book, the author, and the year it was published. Also, include what you liked about the book.

"I would recomment Dr. Phil McGraw's book "Family First: Your Step-by-Step Plan for Creating A Phenomenal Family." It's an easy read and it's talks about major parenting concepts that are helpful.

One thing that I think makes the book unique is that it helps you address your "Family Legacy," or how you were parented by your parents. You look at what was good or bad about what your parents did and learn what you picked up from them and what you may want to change. You examine yourself first and that's where it all stems from.

Although we don't have a blended family, I thought the chapter on divorce and special parenting issues was very good, too. Other chapters include finding your parenting style and 7 tools for purposeful parenting.

Overall, I've found the book to be helpful. A.S.

"Free" Time!

What does your family do for fun that doesn't cost a lot of money?? Let's share some ideas!!

Home Movies!

"Around the time of the children's birthdays, we take out old home movies and baby books and take a trip down memory lane. The kids love it and we love it. It's so fun to see how much they've grown and we love reliving good times that we've shared together. A.S.

Toni Schutta, Publisher, Families First News

Toni Schutta is a Parent Coach with a Master's Degree in Psychology and 10 years experience working with children and families. She's also the mother of two wonderful children, a Licensed Psychologist, a certified graduate of the Mentor Coach Foundations Program and a member of the International Coach Federation.

Families First Coaching is an organization devoted to building strong families by empowering parents with practical information, easy-to-use tools and helpful resources that will help you be the best parent possible. Individual parent coaching sessions are available along with parent-to-parent support groups and parent education groups. Check out the website at http://www.familiesfirstcoaching.com/ for a complete list of services.

If you enjoy this newsletter and know of someone else who might, please forward it to your friend.

If you would like to subscribe to this newsletter, please e-mail: news@familiesfirstcoaching.com and type "subscribe me" in the subject line. All information is held in strict confidence.

If you would like to unsubscribe to this newsletter, please e-mail news@familiesfirstcoaching.com and type "unsubscribe" in the subject line.

Distribution Rights

Families First Coaching Newsletter is copyrighted, but you may retransmit or
distribute it to others as long as you acknowledge familiesfirstcoaching.com as the source of the information . However, you may not copy it to a web site.
Republication, and distribution, of Families First Coaching Newsletter in print is encouraged and permitted as long as the issue is printed in its entirety and includes the contact information.


	Table of Contents- March, 2005 Feature Article- "Want Compliance? Eight Ways to Tackle Defiance" Parent-to Parent- Grocery Store Tantrums/Name Calling A Good Read- "Family First" Free Time- "Home Movies" Positive Discipline Methods- Parental Time Out Upcoming Classes
	Parent-to-Parent Groups to Help Parents Find Answers *and Support Will Start in March!* You can get the support you deserve and the answers you need by joining a Parent-to-Parent Group starting March 14. You'll meet with Toni Schutta, a Parent Coach with 10 years experience helping parents find solutions that work, along with other 5-10 other parents, once a week by telephone. The goal is to empower you with practical ideas, fresh insights and support to meet the unique parenting challenges you face. Here are the benefits to joining a Parent-to-Parent Group: 1) You get to share your parenting concerns, confidentially, and get the answers you need! 2) You will connect regularly with other parents who can help you brainstorm options to the problems you’re experiencing! 3) You get the support you need from other parents who are in the same boat! 4) You receive the help of an experienced Parent Coach (Toni Schutta) who will offer fresh insights that are proven effective! 5) You can help other parents by sharing ideas and resources that have been helpful to you in your parenting! 6) You may select a parenting topic for Toni to address at an upcoming meeting and that topic will be tailor-made for your needs! 7) The group meets by telephone (It’s like a conference call), so you just sit back and call from the comfort of your favorite chair and there’s no time wasted on the road! Here’s how the Parent-to-Parent Group will work: 1) The group will meet once a week for 8 weeks, by telephone, for 45 minutes. 2) The group will be restricted to 5-10 parents to ensure lots of interaction and specialized attention for every participant. No new parents will be added to your group until the 8 week session is over. 3) Each parent will have the option of renewing their participation for another 8 week session after the first 8 weeks is completed. You’ll receive: · expert advice! · the help you need · and the support you deserve so you can meet the challenges of life’s toughest job… all for just $20 a week! (Payments made every 4 weeks.) I’ll be offering two options for Parent-to-Parent Groups: 1) Monday evenings, 7:00 p.m. to 7:45 p.m. CST (March 14, 28, April 4, 11, 18, 25, May 2 and May 9) 2) Thursday afternoons, 1:30 p.m. to 2:15 p.m. CST (March 17, 31, April 7, 14, 21, 28, May 5 and 12.) 3) Days and times for meeting could be flexible, so e-mail Toni if you’re interested, but the times I've listed don’t work for you. Register before March 9th and receive your first week free! Call Toni at 612-810-8687 with any questions or e-mail Toni for a registration form at: toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com. Free Sample Parent Coaching Session If you'd like to know more about me and give parent coaching a try, just e-mail me at:toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or give me a call at 612-810-8687 and we can schedule a free sample session. During this time, we'll get acquainted and you can share the topics you might like to cover with a parent coach. Together, we can figure out if parent coaching would be helpful to meet the needs of your family. Toni is proud to be an Alliance Coach with: Check out the website at: www.unlimitedgrowthpotential.com

	Want Compliance? Eight Ways to Tackle Defiance! Dealing with a defiant child can be exasperating! Children who are defiant will readily enter a power struggle and often wear a parent down. The key is not to enter the power struggle with an oppositional child. Listed below are eight options you can use to gain more cooperation from your child. Use positive communication. Try phrasing your parenting command in a positive way versus a negative way. For example, if your child says “Can I watch TV now?” instead of just saying, “No. You can’t.” you could say “I can tape this show for you to watch after dinner.” Give the child two choices. As a parent you can pick two choices that are equally acceptable to you and offer them to your child. The child is less likely to be oppositional if they feel they have some control over the outcome. For example you could say, “Would you like to do your chore before school or after school today?” Reflect the feeling back to the child. Sometimes showing compassion for the child by reflecting back what they’re feeling can be helpful. You could say, “You’re irritated right now because you can’t finish building the Lego tower. It’s hard to leave a project before you’re done, isn’t it?” Tell them what you’re seeing and state what you’d like to see. “Wow! You really like to say “no.” I love it when I hear kids say, “YES! YES! YES!” You could tickle the child or use humor to see if you can get them to say “YES!” Grant them their wish in fantasy. If your child is impatient about going to a friend’s house, you could say, “You really wish you could go now. You’re really looking forward to seeing your friend.” State your command as a statement, not as a question. Parents often say “Would you like to do your homework now?” or other commands that should be stated in a firm voice. Instead, just say, “ It’s time to do homework now.” Make it fun to get to the next place. If your child has trouble with transitions and becomes oppositional, ask them to hop like a frog to the door, or have their favorite CD waiting for them in the car. Establish house rules. If the house rule is that bedtime is at 8 p.m., then simply state the rule. If the child argues, just repeat the rule over and over, rather than entering into a debate with the child.

	Positive Discipline Options Each month a positive discipline option is offered. Collect them all and expand your repertoire! Definition: The word "discipline" is from the root word "disciple" which means "one who teaches." The essence of discipline, therefore, is to provide a learning experience for the child to grow. (Provided by Dave Hudson) Give Yourself a Time Out All parents get angry at their children sometimes. You can set a great example for your child and prevent yourself from saying, or doing, something that you later regret, by giving yourself a time out. Cool down and then think through the best course of action. For example, if your child has just broken your favorite vase after you've reminded him three times not to jump on the furniture, you might say," I'm very angry now and I need 10 minutes to cool down. Then we'll discuss this and I'll tell you what the consequence will be." Not only are you saving yourself and your child from a potential blow-up, but you're also modeling that when a person is angry it's a good decision to stop, leave the situation, calm down and then resolve the conflict in a reasonabltemanner. Give it a try! You won't regret it!

	Upcoming TeleClasses Take these classes from the comfort of home! You'll join other parents, via telephone, for parenting tips and a lively discussion all while sitting in your favorite armchair! There's no need to waste time driving to classes when you can participate from home in a "teleclass." "Managing Your Child’s Anger: Triggers and Solutions for Coping" Has your child had a tantrum lately, thrown toys across the room or hit a sibling? Odds are that s/he has! Children’s anger can be exacerbating for parents. Come to this teleclass to learn common triggers for a child’s anger, solutions for coping, and skills to teach your child so you’ll both be less frazzled! Thursday, March 3, 6:00 -7:30 CST, E-mail Toni at: toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com ($25) “Are You Listening: Five Great Ways to Foster Compliance and Understanding with Your Child” Do you ever find yourself repeating the same request over and over? Do you sometimes find yourself listening half-heartedly to your child while juggling 3 other tasks? Do you long for more meaningful conversations with your child? If you answered YES to any of these questions, then please join this stimulating discussion on ways to fine-tune the conversations you have with your child. Tuesday, March 15, 6:00- 7:15 p.m. CST, E-mail Toni at: toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com ($20) Over Scheduled? 3 Steps You Can Take Now to Improve Your Work/Family Balance Feeling torn in many different directions? Ever riddled by guilt? Rarely have time for yourself? This two-part session will help you examine your life and how happy you are with your current choices. Tools for assessing balance will be provided along with steps you can take to live the life you want! JUST $40 for both sessions, a $60 savings! This "class" will be done privately, so you can register at your convenience. To register: Send an e-mail to toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or call 612-810-8687 with any questions. IN-PERSON CLASSES “Are You Listening: Five Great Ways to Foster Compliance and Understanding with Your Child” Do you ever find yourself repeating the same request over and over? Do you sometimes find yourself listening half-heartedly to your child while juggling 3 other tasks? Do you long for more meaningful conversations with your child? If you answered YES to any of these questions, then please join this stimulating discussion on ways to fine-tune the conversations you have with your child. Thursday, March 10, 7:00- 8:15 P.M., CST, Central Pediatrics, Woodbury, MN. ($20) Call Trish at 651-731-5011 to register. Over Scheduled? 3 Steps You Can Take Now to Improve Your Work/Family Balance Feeling torn in different directions? Riddled by guilt? Rarely have time for yourself? This two-part class will help you examine your life and how happy you are with your current choices. Tools for assessing balance will be provided along with tips on how to take steps to live the life you want. Come prepared to take action! This two-part class will be held Tuesday, March 29^th and Tuesday, April 5^th from 7:00 to 8:15 p.m. CST at Central Pediatrics, Woodbury, MN. ($30 for both classes) Call Trish at 651-731-5011 to register.

	Parent-to-Parent This is a place for parents to exchange ideas. Would you like to get ideas from other parents about a parenting concern? Do you have good ideas that might help another parent? Feel free to contribute!! For April.: Q. My children call each other names. I'd like some advice for stopping it. P.L. Readers, give us your ideas!! How haveyou successfully handled this problem? Just send your responses to:news@familiesfirstcoaching.com. I'll share your suggestions next month.Feel free to pose a question, too!! From Last Month: : Q. .My child throws awful temper tantrums at the grocery store. What can I do? L.P. . Readers responded with these ideas: "I prepare the children right before we get to the store by going over the rules and if they follow the rules, they get a treat at the end of the trip." J.K. "I've used this with great success over the years. Each of my kids gets a big sucker when we enter the grocery store and the rule is that they can't bite the sucker, only lick it. It lasts them through most of the trip. It's one of the only times that they're allowed to have suckers, so they look forward to it!" A.S. "Sometimes I play "I Spy" in the store. I call out different colored food items, or shapes and have them look for the items in the aisle that we're in. It's fun!" B.D. "My kids love collecting coupons, so I let them get the coupons in the dispensers in the aisle. They also get to hold my coupons and look for the products I want to buy." D.L.

	A Good Read What's the name of a parenting book, website or article that you've enjoyed? Please share your thoughts with other parents! Please include the name of the book, the author, and the year it was published. Also, include what you liked about the book. "I would recomment Dr. Phil McGraw's book "Family First: Your Step-by-Step Plan for Creating A Phenomenal Family." It's an easy read and it's talks about major parenting concepts that are helpful. One thing that I think makes the book unique is that it helps you address your "Family Legacy," or how you were parented by your parents. You look at what was good or bad about what your parents did and learn what you picked up from them and what you may want to change. You examine yourself first and that's where it all stems from. Although we don't have a blended family, I thought the chapter on divorce and special parenting issues was very good, too. Other chapters include finding your parenting style and 7 tools for purposeful parenting. Overall, I've found the book to be helpful. A.S.

	*"Free" Time!* What does your family do for fun that doesn't cost a lot of money?? Let's share some ideas!! Home Movies! "Around the time of the children's birthdays, we take out old home movies and baby books and take a trip down memory lane. The kids love it and we love it. It's so fun to see how much they've grown and we love reliving good times that we've shared together. A.S.

	Toni Schutta, Publisher, Families First News Toni Schutta is a Parent Coach with a Master's Degree in Psychology and 10 years experience working with children and families. She's also the mother of two wonderful children, a Licensed Psychologist, a certified graduate of the Mentor Coach Foundations Program and a member of the International Coach Federation. Families First Coaching is an organization devoted to building strong families by empowering parents with practical information, easy-to-use tools and helpful resources that will help you be the best parent possible. Individual parent coaching sessions are available along with parent-to-parent support groups and parent education groups. Check out the website at http://www.familiesfirstcoaching.com/ for a complete list of services.

	If you enjoy this newsletter and know of someone else who might, please forward it to your friend. If you would like to subscribe to this newsletter, please e-mail: news@familiesfirstcoaching.com and type "subscribe me" in the subject line. All information is held in strict confidence. If you would like to unsubscribe to this newsletter, please e-mail news@familiesfirstcoaching.com and type "unsubscribe" in the subject line.
	Distribution Rights Families First Coaching Newsletter is copyrighted, but you may retransmit or distribute it to others as long as you acknowledge familiesfirstcoaching.com as the source of the information . However, you may not copy it to a web site. Republication, and distribution, of Families First Coaching Newsletter in print is encouraged and permitted as long as the issue is printed in its entirety and includes the contact information. Copyright 2004 Families First Coaching.