Table of Contents- October, 2004
Feature Article- "Care to Tame the TV Monster?"
Parent-to Parent De-Cluttering/Bedtime Dawdling
A Good Read- - "The New Birth Order"
Free Time- Have a Family Craft Night!
Positive Discipline Methods- Change the Environment
Upcoming Classes
If you'd like to know more about me and give parent coaching a try, just e-mail me at toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or give me a call at 612-810-8687 and we can schedule a free sample session. During this time, we'll get acquainted and you can share the topics you might like to cover with a parent coach. Together, we can figure out if parent coaching would be helpful to meet the needs of your family.
Toni Schutta, Parent Coach
Care to Tame the TV Monster?
Consider that the average American child watches four hours of television a day. By one estimate, when U.S. children finish high school, they've spent nearly twice as many hours in front of TV sets as they have in the classroom. (Jane Brody, New York Times News)
Have you ever tallied the number of hours of screen time your children log?
Let's briefly review some of the negative effects that television viewing can have on children:
- sleep problems (The American Academy of Pediatrics states that "mass media" are potent sources of nightmares, sleep disturbances and intense anxieties even in teenagers.)
- causal link between media violence and aggressive behavior in children
- for every two hours of TV a person watches a day, the risk of becoming obese increases by 23 percent (Parents, 1/2004)
- reduction in reading and completion of homework (Kids who watch more TV read 20 minutes less per day. Ten hours or more of TV a week is linked to lower reading scores.)
- a reduction in creative play that enhance creativity, problem-solving and self-reliance
- an increase in consumerism by viewing tens of thousands of commercials each year thereby increasing their propensity for high-fat, high-sugar foods and other marketing gimmicks.
So, our children are more likely to be overweight, aggressive, less successful in school and have difficulty sleeping. Why do we persist in letting our children watch too much TV?
The obvious answer is that it's easy. It's easy to let the kids plunk down and watch TV while we try to get things done. It's easier than trying to think up things for them to do. It's also easier than trying to break them of the nasty habit.
If you want to make changes, I'm going to provide you with some ideas to help replace the TV habit. The American Academy of Pediatricians recommends two hours or less of "screen time" per day; this includes TV, computers and video games.
POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS
- Don't allow a television in a childıs room.
- Restrict the number of hours a child can watch.
- Model good choices by limiting the number of hours that you watch TV.
- Encourage reading. Melany Klinck, a mom from Tennessee, allows her children to receive tokens to watch TV (or play video games) only after they read for 30 minutes a day.
- Give out tokens. Traci Baker, a mom from Oklahoma, gives just 5 tokens a week, each worth 30 minutes of TV time. The child then writes his/her choice of TV programs on a calendar and turns in his/her tokens before watching.
- Brainstorm a list of fun and easy activities with your children. Wrap the ideas in fun paper and put them inside a bottle they decorate. Call it the "Boredom Bottle" and when a child needs a fun activity, s/he can shake an idea out of the Boredom Bottle. (Family Fun magazine)
- Visit the Boredom Busters web page at www.familyfun.com/boredombusters.
- Set up different stations around the house that you change from time to time. For instance, you could have a puzzle area, a building area, a craft area or a bookmaking area. Leave one activity out for a few days and then replace it with a new activity.
- Set up more frequent play dates. Having a friend over is probably more fun than watching TV.
- Come up with "theme" nights. You could make Monday, game night, Tuesday could be music night, Wednesday could be fitness night, Thursday could be craft night, Friday could be theater night, etc. Have the kids help come up with the ideas.
- Make the commitment to restrict viewing with another family and plan activities together.
- Pursue volunteer activities that will shift the focus to helping others. Some activities, like making blankets for babies at shelters, can be done at home.
- Make sporting equipment available that encourages your kids to play outside.
- Download a script from www.simplyscripts.com and let the kids (or family) perform a play.
WARNING! If you decide to proceed and restrict TV viewing, the first month will be awful. Don't give up! Those brave, courageous parents who cut back will tell you that they've seen wonderful benefits to restricting TV time. The most important one is that they are connecting in more meaningful ways as a family. Playing a game together allows them time to talk and laugh together. Many parents note that their children are reading more and getting homework done. Other families are happy to see their children involved in creative activities, making inventions or pursuing projects.
For your sake, and your children's, have a plan in place before you restrict their viewing. Hold a family meeting to talk about why you've decided to reduce TV time in your household. (See the September issue of Families First Coaching Newsletter for ideas on how to conduct a meeting.) Brainstorm ideas together that will work for your family.
Also, become an involved parent regarding the choices of TV programs that your children do choose. Ban exceptionally violent shows. Talk about the difference between reality and fantasy. Don't let young children watch TV news programs. Stick to quality programming that you can trust.
Toni Schutta, Parent Coach
"Relief for Homework Headaches"
*** Two Different Dates*** Tues., Oct. 19, 6:30 p.m. - 7:30 p.m. (CST); or Wed., Oct. 20, 12 p.m. - 1:00 p.m. (CST)
It's school time again!! Want to start the school year out on the right foot and avoid those homework headaches?! Come to "school" for just one hour and find relief that will last throughout the year! ($25)
"Siblings Without Rivalry: How To Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too"
Thursdays, Oct. 14 through Nov. 18, 6:30 p.m. - 7:45 p.m. (CST)
This is a 6-week series based on the best-selling book "Siblings Without Rivalry." Hands down, this is the best book ever written about how to nurture sibling relationships. Each week, we'll review a principle suggested in the book, practice specific skills and have time for your questions and concerns. The topics covered are: helping siblings deal with their feelings about each other; keeping children separate and unequal; siblings in roles; when the kids fight; problem solving; and a final review.
Take this class to help reduce sibling squabbles and make harmony possible. (Cost for the 6-week session is $100 if you register by October 7. The cost will be $120 after October 7. (A $12 parent workbook and a copy of the book must also be purchased.)
To register: Send an e-mail to toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com
This is a place for parents to exchange ideas. Would you like to get ideas from other parents about a parenting concern? Do you have good ideas that might help another parent? Feel free to contribute!!
For Nov.: Q. My children dilly-dally at bedtime and it takes forever to get them to bed. Any ideas? D.C.
Readers, give us your ideas!! How have
you successfully handled this problem?
Just send your responses to:
news@familiesfirstcoaching.com. I'll
share your suggestions next month.
Feel free to pose a question, too!!
From Last Month: Q. My childıs room is filled with clutter! Help! M.L.
Readers responded with these ideas:
"My daughter won't throw away a gum wrapper, so it's painful for her to watch her things being thrown away. We have an agreement that I can sift through the rubble without her and then she helps me organize the remaining items." B.S.
"I made cleaning up clutter a fun event. First, we went shopping for colorful storage containers. Then we came home and sorted for awhile, before going out to lunch and finishing the rest of the job. We took what could be drudgery and made it a great day." L.P.
"I read an article from a professional organizer that said the first step was to simply put all of the items that needed organizing in a big pile. From there, you sort them by category and you make a list of the type of storage products that would work for the items you have. I did this with my son and then we labeled the storage bins with bright, colorful labels to help him remember where things go." S.T.
"We have a daily clean-up time for the girls' bedrooms. If they fail to pick up items that are on the floor in the designated time, the items will be put in "jail" where they remain for 24 hours. M.V.
"I try to enforce the rule that the kids put away the items they play with right after they're done. This prevents a build-up of clutter." K.S.
What's the name of a parenting book, website or article that youıve enjoyed? Please share your thoughts with other parents! Please include the name of the book, the author, and the year it was published. Also, include what you liked about the book.
"I read "The New Birth Order" by Dr. Kevin Leman (Fleming Revell Publishing, 2000) and thought it was really good. I didn"t understand the roles of responsibility that my oldest daughter was taking on. I was the third child in my family and my husband is also "the baby" in his family. I learned that many first-born children will take on more responsibility and it helped me to better understand my daughter.
The book also outlined different coping skills that children will try based on birth order and it made sense to me regarding my daughterıs struggle. I have four children and there are six years between two of the children. With this age span, one child has traits of both an oldest and a middle child. The book also touched on different personality types and I have four different types!
I also found it very interesting because the book weaves in stories of famous families. For instance, the author talks about the Kennedy family and how the oldest son was groomed to be president. When he died, they began grooming the second son.
This book won't fit for every family, but itıs one of the books that has made a real impact on my parenting. J.L.
Positive Discipline Options
Each month a positive discipline option be offered. Collect them all and expand your repertoire!
Definition: The word "discipline" is from the root word "disciple" which means "one who teaches." The essence of discipline, therfore, is to provide a learning experience for the child to grow. (Provided by Dave Hudson)
Change the Environment
When our children were young, we put up gates, plugged our electrical outlets, etc. in an effort to keep our home safe for our children and to accommodate the developmental stage that our child was at.
Changing the environment is a "discipline" skill that can be used with children of all ages. When a child displays a negative behavior, stop and think if there are changes that you could make to make it easier for your child to follow the rule or to make the environment more kid-friendly?
For instance, if youıre concerned that your child is watching too much TV, move the TV out of their bedroom.
If your children like to wrestle in the living room, take out the breakable items and let them go at it!
If you trip over their shoes when you walk in the door, buy a show organizer for outside the door.
Convert one of your least-used rooms into toy central and let them set up forts and buildings that can remain standing until they tire of it.
I think you get the picture. Whenever possible, try to find ways to accommodate the natural inclinations of your children, adding or subtracting something in the environment.
Toni
What does your family do for fun that doesn't cost a lot of money?? Let's share some ideas!!
Family Craft Night
"We have a family craft night every so often. Each person picks a craft they like to do and we meet in the kitchen and all sit together and do our own craft. My husband likes to paint, I like to make cards and my girls usually pick a craft kit. It's fun. We talk and listen to music and my husband will sometimes make a fun dessert. Even though we're doing different projects, there's still a feeling of togetherness. Also, we like the girls to see that mom and dad have interests, too." S.Z.
Toni Schutta is a Parent Coach with a Master's Degree in Psychology and 10 years experience working with children and families. She's also the mother of two wonderful children, a Licensed Psychologist, a certified graduate of the Mentor Coach Foundations Program and a member of the International Coach Federation. Families First Coaching is an organization devoted to building strong families by empowering parents with practical information, easy-to-use tools and helpful resources that will help you be the best parent possible. Individual parent coaching sessions are available along with parent-to-parent support groups and parent education groups. Check out the website at www.familiesfirstcoaching.com for a complete list of services.
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