Free Sample Parent Coaching Session

If you'd like to know more about me and give parent coaching a try, just e-mail me at toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com or give me a call at 612-810-8687 and we can schedule a free sample session. During this time, we'll get acquainted and you can share the topics you might like to cover with a parent coach. Together, we can figure out if parent coaching would be helpful to meet the needs of your family.

Have You Held a Family Meeting Lately?

 

Some families swear by the usefulness of regularly-scheduled family meetings.  Have you held one lately?

 

If you haven't, let me offer some of the reasons that it my behoove you to give them a shot. I'll also propose some guidelines for holding family meetings that will make the time fun and beneficial for all.

First, Let's talk about the value of family meetings.  The book, "Positive Discipline Methods A-Z" provides the best summary of the benefits that can result.  The authors say that family meetings can provide moments for teaching "problem-solving skills, communication skills, cooperation, mutual respect, creativity, brainstorming skills, responsibility, expression of feelings, and how to have fun as a family."

I would also like to add that I think family meetings do an excellent job of building family cohesion.  You're demonstrating to your children that in your family open communication is a priority, that you can solve problems together and that family time is what's most important.

Possible topics that might be appropriate for family meetings would be:

*selecting a fun family activity for the week;

* dividing up chores;

*discussing ideas for a family vacation;

*coordinating schedules for the week;

* brainstorming solutions to a problem;

* planning for an upcoming party;

*providing a forum for discussion of a thorny issue;

*and discussing family rules and consequences.

Some agenda items can remain constant, but you could also make a special box where people can add topics  they want to see addressed at the next family meeting.

When you hold a meeting, one person should be the chairperson and another should be the secretary.  The role of the chairperson is to review the agenda of the meeting, make sure that all members are allowed to speak uninterrupted, to keep people on task and to keep the meeting to the designated time limit.

Most experts agree that 15-20 minutes is a reasonable time limit.

At one of your first meetings, you can discuss the rules that would be important to uphold.

One of the most important rules is that each family member must be allowed to express their opinion without interruption.  (For long-winded individuals, a timer could be set.) Disagreement is to be expected, but all opinions and feelings will be honored. Another non-negotiable rule should be that there will be no name-calling or other forms of put-downs.  Write down the rules on tagboard and have them handy at each meeting to remind people of the rules they agreed to.

As a parent, you may want to discuss at the start of the meeting, that all ideas are welcome, but that  parents will make the final decision in most cases. There may be some matters that you're willing to make negotiable and/or democratic, but be clear about what those agenda items are.

Sometimes a brainstorm session can be a highly effective tool for generating ideas on how to solve problems.  Here's a format that has been highly effective.  First write down what the problem is, then write down all the possible solutions without critiqueing them AT ALL.  After all the ideas have been generated, THEN begin to evaluate whether the ideas are good/feasible/agreeable to most parties.  Pick one solution to try for a specified period of time and then review how it worked at another family meeting.  Keep the list of ideas and if idea number one didn't work, try another idea on the list, until you find something that works.

Here are a few other tips on  family meetigns that come from an April 2000 article in "Better Homes and Gardens."

* Make meeting times a regular event at a set time.

*Turn off the TV during meetings and don't accept phone calls.

*Don't use family meeting time for a parental lecture.

* Don't make meeting times a drudge.  Invite children's ideas on fun issues, too.

To make meetings fun, some families provide a snack or play a family game afterward.  Rotate the responsibilities of being the chairperson and the secretary.  Consider having a talent section where people can show off a creative skill they've been working on. Be creative and see what sounds like fun for your family!

 

Toni Schutta, Parent Coach

Upcoming Classes

Thurs., Sept. 16, 6:30-7:30 p.m.(CST)

"Relief for Homework Headaches"  It's school time again! Want to start the school year on the right foot and avoid those homework headaches?! Come to "school" for just one hour and find relief that will last throughout the year!

 ($25)

Thurs., Sept. 23, 6:30 p.m. - 7:30 p.m. (CST) "Are You Listening?: Five Great Ways to Foster Compliance and Understanding with Your Child"

Do you ever find yourself repeating the same request over and over?  Do you sometimes find yourself listening helf-heartedlyto your child while juggling 3 other tasks?  Do you long for more meaningful conversations with your child?  If you answered YES to any of these questions, then please join this stimulating discusson on ways to fine-tune the conversations you have wtih your child.($25)

Thurs., Sept. 30 and Thurs., Oct. 7, 6:30-7:30 p.m. (CST)

"Tired of Time Out? Broaden Your Repertoire of Positive Discipline Methods"

You'll walk away from this two-part class with 10 positive discipline options!   You'll be amazed at the results! ($50 for both classes)

 

To register: Send an e-mail to toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com

Parent-to-Parent

This is a place for parents to exchange ideas. Would you like to get ideas from other parents about a parenting concern? Do you have good ideas that might help another parent? Feel free to contribute!!

From Last Month: Q. I would like advice on how to help a pre-teen and teenager adjust to the addition of a new baby in our family. N.B.

Readers responded with these ideas:

"I wouldn't ask the older children to babysit unless they offered.  I would hire a baby-sitter for two hours a week to take care of the baby and you can go out with theolder kids! D.H.

"Since newborns get a lot of presents.  I would have a small stash of presents hidden away for the older children.You could surprise them with a "sibling" present when you thought they might need a little boost." S.S.

"I would make sure that dad spends time alone with each of the older children, too.  Set aside a date night for each of them so they maintain a close relationship." M.W.

"You could give the older kids coupons for time alone with mom.  When they feel a little left out, they could cash in a coupon."  J.T.

"One idea may be to have an aunt or uncle sit down and talk with them about the conflicting feelings they had when a new sibling entered the family. The older kids may feel more comfortable having someone outside the immediate family to talk to about their concerns." S.S.

For next month: My child's room is filled with clutter!  Help!  M.L.

 
Readers responded with these ideas:
≥I would shop around for a kid-friendly service.  It could be that the service isnπt inviting for children. ≥ S.S
 
≥Sometimes my husband and I rotate weeks we go to church.  One parent stays home with the children and the other parent goes to church alone.  For now, that works for us.≤ A.J.
 
≥I found the book, ≥Parenting in the Pew≤ to be helpful.≤  S.S.
 
≥I have an activity bag thatπs just for church.  Some churches provide these, too. I also bring snacks.≤ A.S.

Positive Discipline Options

Each month a positive discipline option be offered. Collect them all and expand your repertoire!

Definition: The word "discipline" is from the root word "disciple" which means "one who teaches." The essence of discipline, therfore, is to provide a learning experience for the child to grow. (Provided by Dave Hudson)

Parental Self-Monitoring

Sometimes it can be helpful for a parent to sit down and make a conscious effort to focus on changing a mildly irritating behavior a child exhibits. First, select just one behavior that you'd like to see improvement on and write it down.  Think of what the positive behavior is that you want to encourage and then write that down.  You are going to make a conscious effort in the weeks ahead. to consistently reinforce the positive behavior the child demonstrates. You'll also make a conscious effort to actively ignore the mild problem.  On a daily basis, write down chicken scratches to keep track of your efforts.

The monitoring sheet would look something like this:
At the top of the sheet write: Reinforcement of Positive Child Behavior and then list the days of the week.  Right below that make two columns.  You'll write: If the child does X (the postive behavior) you will reinforce it by... (come up with several option.)  Then write below that: Ignoring of Mild Problem Behavior and then write if the child does X, then I will ignore X...

The goal is for parents to gradually, day-by-day,  increase  positive reinforcement of good behavior and to increase ignoring of mild problem behavior.

Toni

A Good Read

Whatπs the name of a parenting book, website or article that youπve enjoyed? Please share your thoughts with other parents! Please include the name of the book, the author, and the year it was published. Also, include what you liked about the book.

I read "The Well Trained Mind" by Jesse Wise and Susan Wise-Bauer because I've decided to home school my children this year. I think the book could be helpful for other parents, too, if they wish to supplement their child's learning at school or if the child isn't being challenged enough.

The authors give many ideas for reference books and web-based sources for different school subjects. There are three natural stages of learning in a child's life, according to the authors. At each stage of a child's education, they recommend which books might be helpful.

Learning from the classics is a strong component of their approach and there's a strong emphasis on developing writing skills.

Overall, I won't follow their recommendations to the letter of the law because I think it's too rigorous for my young children, but I really gained a lot of information that I'll be able to adapt for use at home.

J.R.

"Free" Time!

Fun in the Backyard!

"One lazy evening this summer, my husband and I decided to teach our children some backyard games from our own childhood.  I had played "Kick the Can" and many varieties of tag, including "Flashlight Tag," "TV Tag," and "Freeze Tag." My husband had played something called "Annie, Annie Over" which was a simple game of catch over the roof of the house.  The kids loved it and of hourse, we enjoyed the trip down memory lane.  There are probably many games that we parents played as children that are cound in a library book with a chapter on "older" games and the rules of play , just in case it's all a bit hazy!

B.S

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Copyright 2004 Families First Coaching.