By Toni Schutta, Parent Coach and President, Families First Coaching

Some families swear by the usefulness of regularly-scheduled family meetings.  Have you held one lately?

If you haven't, let me offer some of the reasons that it my behoove you to give them a shot. I'll also propose some guidelines for holding family meetings that will make the time fun and beneficial for all.

First, let's talk about the value of family meetings. Family meetings can provide opportunities for teaching conflict management skills, problem-solving skills, cooperation, mutual respect, creativity, responsibility, communication skills, expression of feelings, and how to have fun as a family.

Family meetings also do an excellent job of building family cohesion.  You're demonstrating to your children that open communication is a priority, that you can solve problems together and that family time is what's most important.

Possible topics that might be appropriate for family meetings would be:

*selecting a fun family activity for the week;

* dividing up chores;

*discussing ideas for a family vacation;

*coordinating schedules for the week;

* brainstorming solutions to a problem;

* planning for an upcoming party;

*providing a forum for discussion of a thorny issue;

*and discussing family rules and consequences.

Some agenda items can remain constant, but you could also make a special box where people can add topics they want to see addressed at the next family meeting.

When you hold a meeting, one person should be the chairperson and another should be the secretary.  The role of the chairperson is to review the agenda of the meeting, make sure that all members are allowed to speak uninterrupted, to keep people on task and to keep the meeting to the designated time limit.

Most experts agree that 15-20 minutes is a reasonable time limit.

At one of your first meetings, you can discuss the rules that would be important to uphold.

One of the most important rules is that each family member must be allowed to express their opinion without interruption.  (For long-winded individuals, a timer could be set.) Disagreement is to be expected, but all opinions and feelings will be honored. Another non-negotiable rule should be that there will be no name-calling or other forms of put-downs.  Write down the rules on tagboard and have them handy at each meeting to remind people of the rules they agreed to.

As a parent, you may want to discuss at the start of the meeting, that all ideas are welcome, but that parents will make the final decision in most cases. There may be some matters that you're willing to make negotiable and/or democratic, but be clear about what those agenda items are.

Sometimes a brainstorm session can be a highly effective tool for generating ideas on how to solve problems.  Here's a format that has been highly effective.  First write down what the problem is, then write down all the possible solutions without critiquing them AT ALL.  After all the ideas have been generated, THEN begin to evaluate whether the ideas are good/feasible/agreeable to most parties.  Pick one solution to try for a specified period of time and then review how it worked at another family meeting.  Keep the list of ideas and if idea number one didn't work, try another idea on the list, until you find something that works.

Here are a few other tips on family meetings that come from an April, 2000 article in Better Homes and Gardens.

* Make meeting times a regular event at a set time.

*Turn off the TV during meetings and don't accept phone calls.

*Don't use family meeting time for a parental lecture.

* Don't make meeting times a drudge.  Invite children's ideas on fun issues, too.

To make meetings fun, some families provide a snack or play a family game afterward.  Rotate the responsibilities of being the chairperson and the secretary.  Consider having a talent section where people can show off a creative skill they've been working on. Be creative and see what sounds like fun for your family!