Dealing with a defiant child can be exasperating! Children who are defiant will readily enter a power struggle and often wear a parent down. The key is not to enter the power struggle with an oppositional child. Listed below are eight options you can use to gain more cooperation from your child.

1. Use positive communication. Try phrasing your parenting command in a positive way versus a negative way. For example, if your child says "Can I watch TV now?" instead of just saying, "No. You can’t." you could say "I can tape this show for you to watch after dinner."
2. Give the child two choices. As a parent you can pick two choices that are equally acceptable to you and offer them to your child. The child is less likely to be oppositional if they feel they have some control over the outcome. For example you could say, "Would you like to do your chore before school or after school today?"
3. Reflect the feeling back to the child. Sometimes showing compassion for the child by reflecting back what they’re feeling can be helpful. You could say, "You’re irritated right now because you can’t finish building the Lego tower. It’s hard to leave a project before you’re done, isn’t it?"
4. Tell them what you’re seeing and state what you’d like to see. "Wow! You really like to say "no." I love it when I hear kids say, "YES! YES! YES!" You could tickle the child or use humor to see if you can get them to say "YES!"
5. Grant them their wish in fantasy. If your child is impatient about going to a friend’s house, you could say, "You really wish you could go now. You’re really looking forward to seeing your friend."
6. State your command as a statement, not as a question. Parents often say "Would you like to do your homework now?" or other commands that should be stated in a firm voice. Instead, just say, " It’s time to do homework now."
7. Make it fun to get to the next place. If your child has trouble with transitions and becomes oppositional, ask them to hop like a frog to the door, or have their favorite CD waiting for them in the car.
8. Establish house rules. If the house rule is that bedtime is at 8 p.m., then simply state the rule. If the child argues, just repeat the rule over and over, rather than entering into a debate with the child.