Mealtime Mania: Or Let Them Eat Cake (Sometimes!)
By Toni Schutta, Parent Coach and President of Families First Coaching
The family meal, once a common occurrence in American homes, has now been usurped by activity after activity. It's estimated that only 30 percent of us eat meals together regularly.Yet, all research points to the fact that the family meal is a relic worth saving.
Consider that adolescents who eat 5-6 meals per week with their families are 7-24% less likely to smoke cigarettes or marijuana, drink alcohol or show signs of depression than are teens who eat with the family less frequently. (*1)
Mealtime conversation was found to build a child's vocabulary and boost intelligence more than listening to stories or reading aloud. (*2)
A University of Michigan study found that more mealtime at home was the single strongest predictor of better achievement scores and fewer behavioral problems. Mealtime was far more powerful than time spent in school, studying, church, playing sports, and art activities. (*3)
Through the family meal your child learns how to make conversation, how to use good manners, and how to eat nutritiously. When viewed in this light, the family meal is well worth the effort it takes to orchestrate.
So, how can you make the family meal a pleasant experience for all involved? Let's look at common problems that families face and I'll offer a few solutions to get you started.
Problem: We simply don't have time to eat together regularly.
Solution: Consider cutting back on one or more activities. Or choose activities that do not commonly occur during the dinner hour.
Also, be creative. Perhaps the family meal can be at 8 p.m.? Bring a picnic dinner to soccer practice and eat right before or after the practice. Pick up take out and eat in the car together!
Problem: I don't have time to make dinner after working 40+ hours a week!
Solution: In Minnesota, we have a company called Mix It Up Meals that makes meal preparation as easy as it can be. You simply go to their website (www.mixitupmeals.com) or to one of their stores and look at the dinner options for the month. You pick the meals you want to make and go to the store where all the ingredients are provided for you. In two hours time, you'll have prepared 8-14 main dish meals that you can simply take out of the freezer and heat up for your family. See if there's a local resource in your area.
At our house, we always double the recipe so we have leftovers. Hence, we only cook three nights a week and have pizza every Sunday night.
I read about a mom who developed a list of 30 of her family's favorite meals. She served each meal once a month and then started again at the top of the rotation. She kept the recipes at hand and developed a standard grocery list each week so she'd have the ingredients on hand.
Problem: My child is a picky eater and doesn't want to eat what the rest of us eat.
Solution: Many experts recommend involving your child in various aspects of meal preparation. Have your child help develop the menus, making sure that at each meal there is at least one food that your child likes. Have the child find the ingredients at the grocery store. Have them help wash the fruit or vegetables and set the table. If you're patient, let them cook with you. Any of these steps will help your child develop an interest in meals and possibly tempt them to try more than one food. Also, nutritionists point out that it can take 10-12 presentations of a food item before a child will try it and/or like it.
Also, consider making "flexible" meals. For instance, if you serve tacos, each person gets to decide what ingredients to put on their taco. If one child doesn't eat meat, then s/he can just put cheese and/or vegetables on his/her taco. When serving pasta, the child gets to decide if they want sauce, parmesan cheese or butter on their noodles.
Problem: My child eats like a bird. I'm worried that they're not getting their nutritional needs met.
Solution: The message that many pediatricians and nutritionists are giving is to relax! The most important job you have is to provide a variety of healthy foods at each meal. Your child's job is to decide how much of each food to eat. If your child has the energy to run around and is healthy overall, then let your child follow their instinctive needs for nutrition. If you're concerned, of course, check with your pediatrician and ask about the use of a multivitamin.
Problem: My children never clean their plates! It's so wasteful!
Solution: Although many of us were required to clean our plates as children, the common wisdom today is that a CHILD must decide when they are full, NOT the parent. When we force our children to eat food we're telling them to overlook their satiation signals, to eat to please us, and that we're the ones in control of their eating... all dangerous practices that may later result in eating disorders and obesity.
Also, consider serving only very small amounts of each food to a child. The plate looks more inviting to the child and you'll feel better if they reach for more rather than throwing food away.
Problem: Mealtime conversation is pretty lackluster at our house. Any ideas?
Solution: At one of the parent education classes that I give, I've brainstormed with parents about this problem. Here are a few creative ideas. Ask: If you had just three wishes, what would you wish for?; What do you think it would be like to be an astronaut or a veteranarian?; If you could be any animal, what would you want to be and why?; or What was your favorite birthday?
Also, a book that caters to the subject is "Keep Talking: Conversation Starters for the Family Meal" by Treacy Lahr and Julie Pfitzinger.
For other mealtime hassles that you face, please e-mail Toni at toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com and we'll include answers in an upcoming e-book that 'll be published by the end of the year.
(1.Study done by Marla Eisenberg, Epidemiologist, University
of Minnesota) (2. Study done by Diane Beals, ED.D, University of Tulsa and
Patton Tabors, Ed.D, Harvard) (3.