|
Make Your Family
Stronger with These 5 New Year's Resolutions
Many of us make New Year’s resolutions every
year. We set goals for exercising, loosing
weight, staying organized. But how many of us
take the time to size up our family?
Are you conscious of how your time is spent
together? How many meals are you eating together
as a family? How much time do you spend alone
with your spouse? Do your children’s activities
flood your calendar?
In just a minute, I’m going to give you
suggestions for five basic building blocks that
help strengthen families, but first I’d like to
suggest that you do a simple exercise. Take out
your calendar from last month. Calculate how
much time you spent with the following
activities: time spent all together as a family;
time spent alone with each child; time spent
alone with your spouse; time for yourself; and
work time. What did you find out? Review the
suggestions below and see if you want to
incorporate some of these ideas.
Strategy #1: Schedule a minimum of 2
hours a week together with your spouse.
Married couples spend, on average, just four
minutes a day in meaningful conversation.
(Source: American Demographics) The number one
activity that spouses do together is watch TV.
We seem to take for granted that our
relationship with our spouse can go on
auto-pilot, without care or nurturing. But yet
without a strong marital foundation, the whole
family system can fall apart.
One suggestion is to set aside 10 minutes a day
to talk one-on-one with your spouse,
uninterrupted. Wait until the children go to bed
or set a boundary with them that Mom and Dad get
10 minutes alone after dinner each night to
connect.
Consider having an in-house “date.” Stay up late
and have dinner together after the kids are in
bed. Build a fire and share some appetizers.
Play a game together.
And of course, try to have a “real” date that
generates some excitement a few times a month.
You need a break from your kids and you deserve
time for fun, too!
Strategy #2: Commit to eating four or more
evening meals together as a family.
The family meal, once a common occurrence in
American homes, has now been usurped by activity
after activity. It’s estimated that only 30
percent of us eat meals together regularly. Yet,
all research points to the fact that the family
meal is a relic worth saving.
A University of Michigan study found that more
meals at home was the single strongest predictor
of better achievement scores and fewer
behavioral problems. Meal time was far more
powerful than time spent in school, studying,
church, playing sports and art activities.(1)
Choose activities for your child that don’t
commonly interrupt dinner time or be creative
about how you can still eat together.
Strategy #3: Schedule a minimum of one
family activity together each week.
We make decisions every day about how to spend
our time. Nothing can be more important than the
time you spend connecting as a family. While
dealing with the hectic pace of work and
children’s activities, the promise of family
time on the calendar can be very welcoming.
Try to schedule at least one hour-long family
activity each week. Write it down in INK on the
calendar.
The activities can be as simple as playing games
together, doing a puzzle, playing tennis, or
watching family home videos. Come up with a list
of fun activities with your family and get
started!
Strategy #4: Schedule a minimum of 30
minutes per week of special one-on-one time
together with each child.
This is the most concrete thing that you can do
to deepen your attachment to your child.
A child is far more likely to reveal intimate
feelings to you when you’re alone with them.
It’s highly unlikely that a child, who may be
feeling vulnerable already, will reveal
perceived weaknesses in front of a sibling. But,
given time to let down their guard with a
parent, they may let you in on struggles they
wouldn’t reveal at the dinner table.
By having your sole attention, the child will
feel valued. You’re making a huge statement to
the child that nothing else is more important to
you.
If you’re lucky enough to have two parents in
the home, you can always rotate the special time
so that each child gets time with each parent.
Strategy #5: Have your child involved
in no more than one or two activities
simultaneously.
If your child is in an activity, it means that
you’re in the activity, carting the child and
siblings around to get to practices and games.
Activities are fine, and even beneficial, in
small doses, but activities rob time from you as
a family. No factor is more important in a
child’s development than time spent with their
family.
Yet, the number of hours that children spend in
structured sports has doubled. The number of
hours a week that children passively watch a
sibling’s activities has increased five fold to
over three hours per week. And the amount of
free time that children have has decreased by 12
hours per week. (1)
Be conscious of whether your life feels out of
balance and set some rules about the number of
activities your child can be involved in.
(1.University of Michigan’s Institute for Social
Research, Center Survey, January, 1999. Reported
by Sandra L. Hofferth, “Changes in American
Children’s Time, 1981-1997.”)
|
