Families First Coaching Newsletter

Table of Contents - February, 2006

Feature Article: “Teaching Your Kids the Value of a Buck”
Positive Discipline Options: Nonverbal Means
Upcoming Classes
Parent-to-Parent: Competitiveness/Dawdling
A Good Read: “Too Much of a Good Thing”
Free Time: Aerobics

NEW!! “7 Parenting Essentials for Effective Parenting”
10-Week Parenting Class Starts in March

Are You Tired of...

· Saying the same thing over and over?

· Getting dragged into sibling hassles?

· Listening to a whiney voice?

· Using time outs that don’t work?

· Putting up with back talk?

To help you find the answers you need (and deserve!) to problems that you face daily – noncompliance, sibling hassles, whining and discipline dilemmas, I’ve designed a 10-week parenting class that will reduce your stress level, help you yell less and feel more joy in parenting.

You’ll learn parenting skills that will last a lifetime giving you a road map you can return to time and time again to help you with problems that arise. You’ll join me and other parents, by teleconference, for one hour of lively interaction and lessons. You can ask questions, share insights, gain support from other parents and learn important tips, without leaving your home or office.

I’ve taken the latest research along with knowledge I’ve gained in the last 11 years and condensed the most important strategies into 10 practical, easy-to-use lessons. The classes will cover: Keeping Attachment Strong, Positive Communication Methods that Work, 10 Positive Discipline Methods You Can Use Now, Tackling Defiance, Managing Your Child’s Anger, Essentials for Improving Sibling Relations and Self-Esteem Boosters Every Child Needs.

You have two options. Classes start Tues., March 21 at 7 p.m. CT (8 p.m.) and continue through Tues., May 23. OR you may begin Thurs., March 23 at 12 p.m. CT (1 p.m. ET) and continue through Thurs., May 25. You can call me for more details at 612-810-8687. Also, within two weeks a new website, www.getparentinghelpnow.com should be up and running with all of the details.

NEW CD Available! Children’s Anger: Triggers and Solutions for Coping

“Children’s Anger: Triggers and Solutions for Coping” a comprehensive primer on how to cope with your child’s anger will now be available on CD beginning Feb. 10 at www.familiesfirstcoaching.com/Pages/Shop.html. Now you can get great insights into your child’s anger at your convenience for just $15!

On Overload? 28 Solutions to Help Moms Achieve Work Family Balance Workbook is at the Printer!

My 60-page toolkit chock full of assessments, tools, and action steps that you can use to take charge of your life and feel less stressed, is at the printer. The book, “On Overload? 28 Solutions to Help Moms Achieve Work Family Balance” will soon be available on my website’s shopping page, www.familiesfirstcoaching.com/Pages/Shop.html.

Teaching Your Kids the Value of a Buck

As parents we have so many valuable lessons to teach our children. In today’s busy world, one of the lessons that we may not pay enough attention to is teaching our children how to manage money. Should you give your child an allowance? Should you tie the allowance to chores? How do you fight the overwhelming tide of consumerism that’s influencing our children? To help answer these questions, and more, I’ve turned to a pro. Her name is Ellie Kay and she’s the author of “Money Doesn’t Grow on Trees: Teaching Your Kids the Value of a Buck!” along with 7 other books.

I had the pleasure of interviewing the delightful, best-selling author and mother of seven last week. Here are the answers to important questions you can use to guide your child’s financial future.

Q. If you had to pick just one piece of essential advice for parents to teach their children about managing money, what would it be?

A. Good question! The most important thing to do is to teach them early! At a young age, you should begin to teach your child the value of a work ethic, have them do chores, teach them delayed gratification, have them earn money and use an allowance as a teachable, learning tool.

Q. Speaking of an allowance, what age should parents begin giving an allowance and what guidelines can you give about the amount it might be?

A. The age you begin giving an allowance depends on the readiness of the child, but for girls, it’s usually age 7 and for boys it might be 8 years old. Children have to have basic math skills to handle the responsibility of an allowance.

The amount depends on several factors: the family income; the number of children you have; the family budget; and how much money you will set aside for an allowance.

I usually recommend 50 cents per year of age. So an 8-year-old may get a $4.00 allowance once a week or twice a month.

Q. Do you have a formula you recommend for how to divvy up a child’s money in savings, spending and charitable accounts?

A. I believe you should train kids to give 10% to charity. They should also put at least 10% in savings. By the time that they’re teens, though, that formula may change because they’re expected to buy more of their own stuff.

Q. What basic financial lessons do you want a child 2-4 years of age to learn?

1) I want them to pick up their toys cheerfully. You may be with them in the room but they truly are the ones picking the toys up. This is the beginning of a work ethic.

2) They should obey their parents, most of the time, because delaying gratification and learning self-discipline are financial skills.

3) They should be on a schedule for sleep, school and play because order and structure are math and financial skills.

Q. What lessons do you recommend for children ages 4-6?

A child 4-6 should make their bed, as best they can. They should pick up their room regularly without supervision, set and clear the table, put their clothes in drawers. They should also participate in giving away clothes and toys to others.

I believe you teach through ethics. At our house, if you grumble when you do the work, you get twice the work! You need to train kids to do what you ask because they’re part of the family. Work is part of life and they will have to do what the boss says later in life.

Q. How about the 7-10 age group?

A. By this age, they should be a master bed maker. They can sort laundry, fold and put away laundry, vacuum and dust. At this age, they should have an allowance, also have a savings account at a bank and tithe (donate 10%) regularly.

Q. Do you think doing chores should be tied to receiving an allowance?

A. No.

Q. As a parent, how can you buck the tide of our buy, buy, buy culture?

A. I think it’s important for parents to teach that their family is special and unique. Put a positive spin on it. Tell your kids, “Our family is not going to go into debt and buy what we can’t afford. We save money and we have the freedom to give things away. We like helping other people.” You can demonstrate this dozens of ways on a daily basis.

1) Give your child a budget. When you go to a restaurant, give them an $8.00 budget for a beverage, an entrée and dessert. The child decides what to buy within that budget and gets to keep any money that’s left over.

2) Watch a TV commercial with your kids and then mute it. Ask “What were they selling? How were they trying to sell it to you? Do we need it? Do we need THAT particular product? What’s the difference between needing it and wanting it? Is it a good value?

3) In our family, we tell the kids that we’ll pay for the item, but they can pay for the brand. So I may be willing to spend $40 for tennis shoes, but if they want the $120 name brand shoes, they can pay the difference.

Q. Should parents let kids buy what they want with their own money?

A. I think you still need to guide them in their choices, but they need to learn from their mistakes. If they spend their money on a piece of junk, or spend it all on one item, they should learn the natural consequence of that action.

Check out Ellie’s Website at: www.elliekay.com!

Positive Discipline Options

Use Nonverbal Means

A parenting guide I read one time suggested using 10 words or less when you communicate requests or commands to your child. That advice has really stuck with me and I think it’s a great guideline to follow.

Better yet, try using nonverbal means for getting your point across sometimes.

My oldest has the nasty habit of dumping her pajamas on the floor each morning even though she’s heard the request to put them in the drawer hundreds of times.

Instead of repeating the request yet again, I just point to the problem and no words need to be said! No nagging, no sarcasm, no anger, just a simple point of my finger. I find it works well and my blood pressure stays in the normal range.

Leaving a note can be an equally effective means of getting a job done. Just stick a post-it note with a simple command like “Pick up PJs” on their door.

Upcoming TeleClasses

Take these classes from the comfort of home! You'll join other parents, via telephone, for parenting tips and a lively discussion all while sitting in your favorite armchair! There's no need to waste time driving to classes when you can participate from home in a "teleclass."

“7 Parenting Essentials for Effective Parenting” To help you find the answers you need (and deserve!) to problems that you face daily – noncompliance, sibling hassles, whining and discipline dilemmas, I’ve designed a 10-week parenting class that will reduce your stress level, help you to yell less and feel more joy in parenting.

I’ve taken the latest research along with knowledge I’ve gained in the last 11 years and condensed the most important strategies into10 practical, easy-to-implement lessons. The classes will cover: Keeping Attachment Strong, Positive Communication Methods that Work, 10 Positive Discipline Methods You Can Use Now, Tackling Defiance, Managing Your Child’s Anger, Essentials for Improving Sibling Relations and Self-Esteem Boosters Every Child Needs.

You have two options. Classes start Tues., March 21 at 7 p.m. CT (8 p.m.) and continue through Tues., May 23. OR you may begin Thurs., March 23 at 12 p.m. CT (1 p.m. ET) and continue through Thurs., May 25. You can call me for more details at 612-810-8687 or e-mail me at: toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com . Also, within two weeks a new website, www.getparentinghelpnow.com should be up and running with all of the details.

IN-PERSON CLASSES

"Self-Esteem Boosters Any Child Can Benefit From!" Positive self-esteem is a critical factor in the development of all children. While self-esteem is a complex matter, this class will provide concrete tools to help your child feel confident and capable. Practical suggestions to help your child grow stronger in five areas will be provided. Saturday, February 11, 2006, 10 a.m.-11:15, Central Pediatrics, Woodbury, $20 per family. To register: Call Toni at 612-810-8687 or e-mail her at: toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com

"Self-Esteem Boosters Any Child Can Benefit From!" Private Class. Thursday, February 9, 6 p.m., Highland Elementary School.

“Managing Your Child’s Anger: Triggers and Solutions for Coping” Has your child had a tantrum lately, thrown toys across the room or hit a sibling? Odds are that s/he has! Children’s anger can be exacerbating for parents. Come to this class to learn common triggers for a child’s anger, solutions for coping, and skills to teach your child so you’ll both be less frazzled! Friday, February 17, noon, Working Family Resource Center, Degree of Honor Bldg., Ste. 250, downtown St. Paul. $6. To register: Call Michael at 651-293-5330.

“Relief for Homework Headaches” is a parenting class designed to help parents solve the most common homework problems. Parents will learn how the homework brain works, methods for identifying their child’s learning style and ways to make learning fun. Parents will leave the class with strategies for motivating their child, plans for creating rituals that provide consistency and a “checklist for change.” Come to “school” for 60 minutes and find relief that will last throughout the rest of the school year! Wednesday, February 22, 11 a.m.-noon, General Mills Parenting Club.

Parent-to-Parent

This is a place for parents to exchange ideas. Would you like to get ideas from other parents about a parenting concern? Do you have good ideas that might help another parent? Feel free to contribute!!

For March.: My child is a dawdler. I would like ideas on how to keep her on task. M.L.

From Last Month: My oldest child HATES to lose at any games that we play as a family.
It really takes the fun out of playing. I’d love some advice. D. K.

Readers responded with these ideas:

“I would make an agreement with this child before the game of how the game SHOULD go. Review the rules, state that s/he may or may not win, but that you’ll all shake hands at the end and say “good game.” Explain that if your child has a fit, s/he will have to leave the room and forfeit finishing the game.” B. L.

“I think the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. If you’re really competitive and have a hard time losing, you’ve got to tone down those tendencies. Try to stay calm during a game, be graceful in defeat and compliment your opponent during a game. This will teach your child to do the same.” D.G.

“My child was like this and it took awhile to break him of it. First of all, I didn’t let him win all of the time so he didn’t get the false expectation that he would always win. I coached him during the game, pointing out good strategies that could let either one of us win and praised him during the game for any positive behaviors I was seeing. I also gave high-fives immediately after the game and pointed out times he played well.” T.D.

A Good Read

Each month a parent provides a review of a parenting book they’ve enjoyed. Please e-mail toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com to share a good read with other parents.

“Too Much of a Good Thing” by Daniel Kindlon

“A book I recently read offered a sensible approach toward establishing insights and providing guidelines for our children. The author states that some of us parent as we were parented, while others take the opposite approach compared to that of our parents.

Here is what research says that we are doing differently with our kids today:

· We tend to be emotionally closer

· Act as confidants more readily

· Are inclined to have more “fun” with our kids

· Are increasingly more knowledgeable of the science behind child development

· Advocate more readily on behalf of our children.

Although we’re doing a better job at not repeating some of the mistakes of our ancestry, what are the areas where we need improvement?

· We are guilty of indulgent behaviors

· We give our kids too much and ask for too little in return

· We tend to blur the line between being a parent and being a friend

· We tend to be disinclined in setting appropriate limits

· When we do set limits, we are guilty of not maintaining the expectation.

As a parent, I found the book to be enlightening and profound. I would invite you to check out the book as well.” Craig Sundberg, Principal, Turtle Lake Elementary School

"Free" Time!

What does your family do for fun that doesn’t cost a lot of money? Please share your ideas.

"I live in Minnesota and we haven’t had much snow this year, so it’s been a challenge to try and find ways for the kids to get some exercise. Sometimes I’ll plug in an old Richard Simmons “Sweatin’ to the Oldies” exercise CD, grab the kids and we’ll jump around, laugh, sing the old songs and get a little exercise, too.” A.S.

Toni Schutta, Publisher, Families First Coaching Newsletter

Toni Schutta is a Parent Coach with a Master's Degree in Psychology and 11 years experience working with children and families. She's also the mother of two wonderful children, a Licensed Psychologist, a certified graduate of the Mentor Coach Foundations Program and a member of the International Coach Federation.

Families First Coaching is an organization devoted to building strong families by empowering parents with practical information, easy-to-use tools and helpful resources that will help you be the best parent possible. Individual parent coaching sessions are available along with parent-to-parent support groups and parent education classes. Check out the website at http://www.familiesfirstcoaching.com for a complete list of services.

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