Table of Contents - January 2011

Feature Article: Be a Better Parent in 2011
Parenting Tip: Best Family Games
Upcoming Classes: “Proven Strategies for Reducing Sibling Hassles”
A Good Read: Raising Monarchs for Kids
 


Be a Better Parent in 2011

The most popular New Year’s resolutions are to lose weight, exercise more, become better organized, get out of debt and quit smoking. Seldom, if ever, will you find someone saying, “I want to be a better parent” or “I want our family to be happier” this year. Wouldn’t that be a good goal to have?

Many parents would agree that parenting is the most important job that they have. It’s a job that parents do 24/7. It’s a job that parents have for life. It’s a job that has the most influence on how a young adult turns out. Yet, few parents set goals on improving their parenting.

Perhaps, it would be a wise idea to take a step back, at least once a year, and ask your self, “How am I doing?” “Am I the parent that I want to be?” “Am I effective in addressing the everyday challenges that arise?”

Below are five suggestions that could help you to be a better parent for your children. Feel free to email me with other suggestions that you have: toni@getparentinghelpnow.com

  1. Yell Less. Without a doubt, most parents feel ashamed, guilty, saddened or embarrassed when they yell at their kids. Yet, parents yell at their kids, on average, about five times a week. I’ve worked with parents who admit to yelling up to six times a day at their children. It doesn’t feel good to you or to your kids.

    Figure out what your triggers are. Often times, a parent’s anger comes when a child doesn’t listen the first time, the parent doesn’t have age-appropriate expectations for a child, is too strict or too lenient, is tired, or stressed. (See below.)

    Research-proven remedies to control anger are: deep breathing, leaving the scene, using positive self-talk and finding a healthy outlet to rid yourself of the anger such as writing in a journal, calling a friend, listening to music, etc.

    Make a commitment to reduce your own anger outbursts and your whole family will be happier.
     

  2. Sleep More. About 30% of adults get less than seven hours of sleep, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Yet, seven to eight hours of sleep per night are recommended.

    Parents who are sleep-deprived will be more irritable, less patient, have difficulty concentrating, be involved in more car accidents, make more mistakes, feel fatigued and be less productive.

    Children who are sleep deprived are more likely to have difficulty focusing, staying on task, and learning in school. They have more tantrums, whine more, hit more, and misbehave more often. An estimated 70 million American children from infants to teens are sleep deprived. (Source: Sleepless in America, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka)

    In other words, parents and children would yell less and feel happier if both were getting adequate sleep.

    Sleep is as necessary as food and water to a child’s development, particularly brain development, yet many parents are not being the gate-keepers when it comes to ensuring that their child has enough sleep.

    Here are suggested sleep requirements:

    • Babies: 14-16 hours
    • Toddlers: 13 hours
    • Preschoolers: 12 hours
    • School-age children: 10 hours
    • Adolescents: 9.25 hours

    (Sleepless in America, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka)

    Do the math. Do you need to make changes in your family’s schedule to permit adequate sleep for all of you? Make a commitment to getting enough sleep and you’ll notice a decrease in “misbehaviors” in your child and you’ll feel better equipped to handle the problems that do come up.
     

  3. Reduce Stress – A Parenting magazine survey found that 96% of mothers admit feeling stressed.

    Mild to moderate stress can help improve overall performance, yet excess stress can lead to health concerns. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that 80% of health care is spent on stress-related disorders.

    Stress can come from external sources such as a job, traffic, death of a loved one, etc.

    Stress can also come from internal factors such as lifestyle choices you make such as over scheduling, being controlling, negative, self-critical, eating poorly and a lack of exercise. (Stress Management, Life Care)

    When parents feel stress, they pass this stress on to their child by yelling more often, being impatient and unresponsive to a child’s needs.

    To reduce stress use some of the following methods: deep breathing, visualization techniques, removing your self from the situation, positive self-talk, exercising, stretching, goal setting and eating well balanced meals.
     

  4. Reduce Commitments - American kids are the most scheduled kids in the world, yet they are sadder, more materialistic, narcissistic, anxious, stressed, disrespectful, ill behaved, and poorly prepared to cope with life than other children throughout the world. (Source: The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, Michele Borba.)

    Time with family is the highest protective factor for your child to grow up and become a caring, responsible adult. Do you have time daily to eat meals together, hang out and have fun? Or do you feel frenzied rushing from activity to activity? Do you and your child have down time each day to unwind?

    Consider dropping one or more activity from your schedule or look into programs that are less time-intensive for your child.
     

  5. Consider Chilling Out - Are you trying to be a Super Parent who raises Super Kids? Are you a perfectionist? Are you trying to “keep up with the Jones?” rather than living your own values and following your own instincts about what’s right for you and your child?

    Super-high expectations for a clean house, academics and sports-related performance can back fire and cause your child to become anxious and stressed.

    Accept that some clutter is going to be part of your home as long as you have children. Provide organizational tools that are optimal and then have 10-minute clean-up periods every day with your kids to contain the clutter.

    Focus on the experience of having your child participate in an activity rather than their “performance.” Children who still regard activities as fun will be more likely to practice them without performance anxiety.

    Recognize that your child is a work in progress. Provide tools that help advance their independence and you’ll be giving them the gift of self-esteem, too.

“Proven Strategies for Reducing Sibling Hassles” Teleclass Jan. 26.

There’s nothing more wearing than listening to sibling bickering, taunting, and tantalizing. They call each other names. Fights can break out. You don’t know who started it. You grit your teeth and think, “This is driving me crazy but it’s just normal sibling behavior and there’s nothing I can do to solve this.”

Actually, there are lots of things that you can do. Start by attending the “Proven Strategies for Reducing Sibling Hassles” teleclass Jan. 26. This 60-minute teleclass will give you four proven strategies for reducing sibling hassles at your house.

Attend this class and you will:

  • Quit playing referee.

  • Increase kind deeds.

  • Reduce the number of arguments.

  • Prevent most physical fights from occurring.

  • Enjoy more peace and quiet.

You can register here now: www.getparentinghelpnow.com/SiblingStrategies.htm (If you can’t attend that day, sign up anyway and I’ll send you a replay of the class the next day.)

Here’s what parents in Anoka, MN. shared in class evaluations:

“Extremely helpful ideas.”

“Great advice. I loved the examples. Thank you.”

“This class gave me tools for providing more peace and harmony in my home.”

Register now at: www.getparentinghelpnow.com/SiblingStrategies.htm  

Who: Parents who want to reduce sibling hassles.

What: A one-hour telephone class where you’ll leave with four proven strategies for reducing sibling hassles.

Where: Call in from home or work for this “teleclass.”

When: Wed., Jan. 26, Noon- 1 PM CT (1-2 PM ET/11-12 AM MT, 10-11 AM PT) If you can’t attend that day, sign up anyway and I’ll send you a replay of the class the next day.

Cost: $14.97.

Register now at www.getparentinghelpnow.com/SiblingStrategies.htm
 
Email me at toni@getparentinghelpnow.com or call me at 612-810-8687 if you have any questions


Parenting Tip

Best Family Games 

Winter is a time when we’re indoors more often, so why not have some fun with family games?

Here are a few of our favorites:

Ruckus - A stealing, grabbing, hilarious game of stealing matching cards from others. 2-4 players. Ages 7 to adult.

Snorta - A goofy family game where everyone acts like an animal while using their best memory skills. Age 6 and up. 4-8 players.

Letter Roll - Roll the alphabet dice and try to write down as many words as possible to beat the clock. 8 and up. 2-8 players.

Scribblish - Sort of like Pictionary with a twist. 8 and up. 4-6 players.

Last Word - Yell out words in certain categories before the timer expires to gain points and advance on the game board. 7 and up. 2-8 players.
 


UPCOMING TELECLASSES

Take these classes from the comfort of your home or office! You'll join other parents, via telephone, for parenting tips and a lively discussion all while sitting in your favorite armchair! There's no need to waste time driving to classes when you participate from home or your office in a 'teleclass.'

“Proven Strategies for Reducing Sibling Hassles” - It’s normal for siblings to argue, but if you’d like to reduce the name calling, fighting and taunting that you put up with every day, then attend this class to learn four proven strategies for reducing sibling hassles at your house.

You will quit playing referee, increase kind deeds, reduce the number of arguments and prevent most physical fights from occurring while enjoying more peace and quiet. Wed., Jan. 26, Noon- 1 PM CT (1-2 PM ET/11-12 AM MT, 10-11 AM PT) If you can’t attend that day, sign up anyway and I’ll send you a replay of the class the next day. Register now at www.getparentinghelpnow.com/SiblingStrategies.htm
 

UPCOMING TELECLASSES

“Parents: Reclaim Your Couple Time” - Wed., Jan. 5, 6 p.m., Augustana Lutheran Church.

“10 Key Strategies to Help Achieve Work Life Balance” Tues., Jan. 11, 12:30 p.m., Kennedy and Coe, Working Family Resource Center.

“How Understanding Your Child’s Temperament Can Make You a Better Parent” and EQ: Increase Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence” Tues., Jan. 18, 9:30 a.m., Hennepin County Foster Parents.

Keynote Presentation: “The 7 Worst Mistakes that Parents Make (and How to Avoid Them)” plus “Mean Girls (and Boys): Here’s What a Parent Can Do.” Free. Sat., Jan. 22, 9 a.m.- Noon, North High School, N. St. Paul, MN. Register at: www.mahtomedi.k12.mn.us/communityeducation 

“Homework Success” Mon., Jan. 24, 7 p.m., Anoka, MN. More info: 763.506.1277


Toni offers 18 different parent education classes. If you’d like to book Toni at your company or organization, please go to: http://www.familiesfirstcoaching.com/Pages/Speakerspage.html or call Toni at 612-810-8687.
 


A Good Read

Each month a parent provides a review of a parenting book they've enjoyed. Please e-mail toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com to share a good read with other parents.


Raising Monarchs for Kids
By Christine Catlin


This book was written by a 15-year-old teen who lives in my community, so I couldn’t resist sharing this fun resource with you.

Christine raised monarch caterpillars for seven years and consulted with monarch butterfly experts to provide the best step-by-step advice for raising monarchs indoors. She claims that monarchs are the easiest butterflies to raise. The book also follows the path of monarchs after they’re released.

Christine claims that raising monarchs is “one of the most amazing and rewarding projects that a child can do” because it’s full of miracles at each stage of development. Check it out with your child!
 


INSTANT PARENTING SOLUTIONS
FOR COMMON PARENTING PROBLEMS
AVAILABLE 24/7

Go to www.getparentinghelpnow.com any time of the day or night and find practical solutions to common parenting problems when you need them most. You’ll find audio recordings, along with study guides, with solutions to 16 of the most common parenting problems, available 24/7.

Get Your Child to Listen the FIRST Time! http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/ListenAudio.htm;
Stop Back Talk and Whining Now! http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/StopBackTalkaudiopurchase.htm; Proven Strategies for Reducing Sibling Hassles http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/ReducingSiblingHassles.htm;
Relief for Homework Headaches http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/HomeworkAudio.htm;
Find More Joy http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/JoyAudio.htm;
Children’s Anger: Triggers and Solutions for Coping http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/CalmAngerAudio.htm;
Bullying Hurts Kids: Help Your Child Cope and Conquer http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/StopBullyingAudio.htm;
Money Matters! Teach Your Child the Value of a Buck
http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/MoneyMattersAudio.htm;
EQ: Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/EQAudio.htm;
Are You Listening? 5 Great Ways to Connect with Your Child http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/AreYouListeningAudio.htm;
Helping Your Child with Transitions http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/TransitionsAudio.htm;
How to Win the Chore Wars http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/ChoresAudio.htm;
The Birds and The Bees http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/BirdsandBees.htm;
How to Maneuver the Turbulent Waters of Peri-Adolescence http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/Periadolescence.htm:
Parents: Reclaim Your Couple Time http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/CoupleTime.htm;
"Create a Discipline Plan that Works" two-part series http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/DisciplineAudio.htm;
The “Yell Less. Hug More. 7 Essential Parenting Skills” 10-part audio class is also available at http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/7EssentialParentingSkills.html
 

Toni Schutta, Publisher, Families First Coaching Newsletter

Toni Schutta is a Parent Coach with a Master's Degree in Psychology and 16 years experience working with children and families. She's also the mother of two wonderful children, a Licensed Psychologist, a certified graduate of the Mentor Coach Foundations Program, a member of The Parent Coaches Association, an author, speaker and past radio host.

Families First Coaching is an organization devoted to building strong families by empowering parents with practical information, easy-to-use tools and helpful resources that will help you be the best parent possible. Individual parent coaching sessions are available along with parent-to-parent support groups and parent education classes. Check out the websites at http://www.familiesfirstcoaching.com  and http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com for a complete list of services.

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