Table of Contents - March 2007

Feature Article: "Tips for Curbing Whining"
Parent-to-Parent: Weaning from TV/Transition to Middle School
A Good Read: "Using Your Values to Raise Your Child to Be an Adult You Admire"
Free Time: Coffee Shops
Positive Discipline Methods: Take 5 Minutes
Upcoming Classes
 


 Last Chance to Sign Up for Parenting Teleclasses!

“Yell Less. Hug More. 7 Essential Parenting Skills classes start Thurs., March 1 at Noon CT( 1 p.m. ET, 11 a.m. MT and 10 a.m. PT), or Tues., March 6 at 7 p.m.(8 p.m. ET, 6 p.m. MT and 5 p.m. PT) or choose the independent study program.

By investing just one hour a week for 10 weeks you can:

  • Get Your Kids to Do Something the First Time You Ask
     

  • Reduce Meltdowns (Yours and Theirs!)
     

  • Stop Annoying Back Talk and Whining
     

  • Curb Sibling Hassles
     

  • And More!

Sign up now at http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com. Or call Toni at 612-810-8687 with any questions.

What’s more important than your family?

Ask the Parenting Expert Program Coming Soon

Stay tuned for the announcement of an exciting new series that I’ll be launching called “Ask the Parenting Expert!”
 


Tips to Curb Whining!

One of the things that really gets on a parent’s nerves is listening to whining. Every child whines sometimes and I’d like to offer some creative tips for working through this problem with your child.

There are 4 Common Reasons Why Kids Whine

1) There’s an Underlying/Unmet Need - Your child may be hungry, tired or hurt.

2) There’s an Underlying Emotion. Your child may be feeling bored, sad, left out or frustrated.

3) It’s a Developmental Issue. Language skills are still developing from ages 2-5, so your child may not have the vocabulary to express the problem.

4) Manipulation. Your child wants what s/he wants when s/he wants it!! Your child will use whining as a way to wear you down and gain control of the outcome.

So how do you get your child to stop whining? Here are 9 options for you to choose from.

Option 1. The most direct route is to say, "You're using a whining voice right now and that hurts my ears. I'll answer you when you use your normal voice." Ignore the child’s requests until they use a “normal” voice.

Option 2. You can record a child’s voice when he’s whining and play it back to him or just have him “pretend” to whine while recording it so he can hear how he sounds. The child usually gets a chuckle out of it. Give the whiney voice a name, like "Whimpy." Then when the child whines, the parent can say, "Uh oh, Whimpy’s here. I've lost Ken. Do you know where Ken is? Ken, Ken come out, wherever you are!”

Option 3. Kids are prone to whine when they’re tired, bored or hungry. See if your child has one of those needs and address the need.

Option 4. Kids are also more prone to whining when their vocabulary is limited. Try to provide words for your child that she may not have yet. i.e. “You wish that you could swim longer because you’re having so much fun that you don’t want to leave?!

Option 5. You can role play with puppets during a quiet time. Have your child be the parent and you can be the child. Act out a scene where the child wants an extra dessert and use an irritating whiney voice. Ask the child how s/he felt listening to a whiney voice and what the parent should do to stop the child from using a whiney voice. Your child may surprise you with an inventive answer!

Option 6. You can tell the child that if he wants to use a whiney voice, he can use it in his room, but not where you are.

Option 7. There’s a children’s song (Maybe the Wiggles sing it?) that has lyrics like “I’m gonna shake, shake, shake my sillies out. Shake. Shake. Shake my sillies out. Wiggle my waggles away. ” You can make up a song with your child like “I’m gonna stomp, stomp, stomp my whineys out. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp my whineys out. Wiggle my waggles away." Sing it with your child when they use a whiney voice. Or if you have an older child, develop a rap song together.

Option 8. Come up with a hand signal or “sign language” that signals to your child to stop using a whiney voice. This can be particularly helpful when you have company and don’t want to directly reprimand your child in front of others.

Option 9. If you think that frustration, boredom, sadness or some other emotion may be the root cause of the whining, help the child identify the feeling. i.e. “I was wondering if you were feeling kind of frustrated right now?”

 


Positive Discipline Options

A fellow parent coach, Beverly Walsh, started a blog (www.parenttalkingtips.blogspot.com) and I wanted to share a good idea with you that she had, It’s not a “discipline” tool, but I think it’s very helpful.

Bev shared that when she’s making dinner, for instance, one of her children might ask for help.

“This is how it sounds… “Mom! Can you help me with this math problem? (from across the house).

This is how I sound… “Work on the problem for 5 minutes and if you still need help, let me know.”

My kids learn to figure it out and stick to a problem, aka, Frustration Tolerance. I don’t get on the stop/start roller coaster and buy myself some time. Not as good as a time machine, but that “5 minutes” buys me a lot more than just 5 minutes.” (Bev Dolenz Walsh)


 

Upcoming TeleClasses

Take these classes from the comfort of home! You'll join other parents, via telephone, for parenting tips and a lively discussion all while sitting in your favorite armchair! There's no need to waste time driving to classes when you can participate from home or your office in a 'teleclass.'

“Yell Less. Hug More! 7 Essential Parenting Skills” My comprehensive parenting class with strategies for solving anger issues, defiance, sibling hassles, back talk, whining and more begins in March. This class is done by telephone, so you can join me and other parents easily from home or work. There are three options: Thurs. classes are at Noon CT, (1 p.m. ET, 11 a.m. MT, 10 a.m. PT) starting March 1; Tues. classes start March 6 at 7 p.m. CT (8 p.m. ET, 6 p.m. MT, 5 p.m. PT); or there’s a new independent study program if you can’t make either of the classes. Please go to www.getparentinghelpnow.com to read all about it or call Toni at 612-810-8687.

IN-PERSON CLASSES

"Parents: Reclaim Your Couple Time!" – In today’s busy world, many couples find their lives revolving around their children’s activities. Time to connect as a couple seems like a luxury few can afford. If you’re a couple who’d like to reclaim time with your spouse, please join us for this class. This class will allow couples to focus on each other, and to develop a concrete plan to enrich their lives together. Friday, March 2, 6-9 p.m. Woodbury Lutheran Church, $39 includes dinner and presentation. Call Mary at 651-768-6416 to register.

“Are You Listening? 5 Great Ways to Connect with Your Child and Get Them to Comply” – 10:30 a.m., Wed., March 14, Webinar, RSM McGladrey

“Self-Esteem Boosters Any Child Can Benefit From”- Wed., March 21, 11:30 a.m., General Mills Parenting Club, Private Class.

 

Parent-to-Parent

This is a place for parents to exchange ideas. Would you like to get ideas from other parents about a parenting concern? Do you have good ideas that might help another parent? Feel free to contribute!!

For April: ““My child is going to middle school in the fall and I’d love some sage advice about how to make the transition easier for both of us!”   A.S.
From Last Month: “My kids watch too much TV and I’d like some suggestions on curbing the habit and weaning them on to other things.”  M.P.

Readers responded with these ideas:

“If I were you, I’d start small. If they’re watching 3 hours a day now, I’d cut back to 2 hours a day and help them figure out other activities that would be fun to do during the other hour.”   K.F.

“I let my kids watch an hour of TV a day but they have to plan ahead what they’re going to watch each day. They look at the TV Guide and figure out either 1 or 2 shows that they want to watch. It cuts down on mindless surfing and I get to approve or veto their choices.”   D.O.

A Good Read

Each month a parent provides a review of a parenting book they've enjoyed. Please e-mail toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com to share a good read with other parents.

“Using Your Values to Raise Your Child to Be an Adult You Admire” by Harriet Heath and Anna Dewdney

“This book takes a wonderful, warm, compassionate and practical approach to raising a child to be a reflection of what’s important in your life. Many parents can name their values but then how do you actualize them? This book helps you define your own values first and then learn how to incorporate those beliefs into day-to-day parenting. It’s hands-on and helps you put those values into action. It also offers ideas for different ages and stages of development. This book is for parents who are serious about transforming their values into action.” Mary Ivory, Life Coach and Counselor
 

"Free" Time!

What does your family do for fun that doesn’t cost a lot of money? Please share your ideas.

“When I want to have special time with one child, we go to Caribou for a fancy hot chocolate. Some of the museums in our area offer free admission one day a month so we have taken advantage of that, too.”   Sara

Toni Schutta, Publisher, Families First Coaching Newsletter

Toni Schutta is a Parent Coach with a Master's Degree in Psychology and 12 years experience working with children and families. She's also the mother of two wonderful children, a Licensed Psychologist, a certified graduate of the Mentor Coach Foundations Program and a member of the International Coach Federation.

Families First Coaching is an organization devoted to building strong families by empowering parents with practical information, easy-to-use tools and helpful resources that will help you be the best parent possible. Individual parent coaching sessions are available along with parent-to-parent support groups and parent education classes. Check out the website at http://www.familiesfirstcoaching.com  for a complete list of services.

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