Table of Contents - March 2007
Feature Article: "Tips for
Parent-to-Parent: Weaning from TV/Transition to Middle School
A Good Read: "Using Your Values to Raise Your Child to Be an
Adult You Admire"
Free Time: Coffee Shops
Positive Discipline Methods: Take 5 Minutes
Last Chance to Sign Up for Parenting Teleclasses!
“Yell Less. Hug More. 7 Essential Parenting
Skills classes start Thurs., March 1 at Noon CT( 1 p.m. ET, 11 a.m. MT and 10
a.m. PT), or Tues., March 6 at 7 p.m.(8 p.m. ET, 6 p.m. MT and 5 p.m. PT) or
choose the independent study program.
By investing just one hour a week for 10 weeks you can:
Kids to Do Something the First Time You
Meltdowns (Yours and Theirs!)
Annoying Back Talk and Whining
Sign up now at http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com.
Or call Toni at 612-810-8687 with any questions.
What’s more important than your family?
Ask the Parenting Expert Program Coming Soon
Stay tuned for the announcement of an exciting new series that I’ll be launching
called “Ask the Parenting Expert!”
Tips to Curb Whining!
One of the things
that really gets on a parent’s nerves is
listening to whining. Every child whines
sometimes and I’d like to offer some creative
tips for working through this problem with your
There are 4 Common Reasons Why Kids Whine
1) There’s an Underlying/Unmet Need -
Your child may be hungry, tired or hurt.
2) There’s an Underlying Emotion. Your
child may be feeling bored, sad, left out or
3) It’s a Developmental Issue. Language
skills are still developing from ages 2-5, so
your child may not have the vocabulary to
express the problem.
4) Manipulation. Your child wants what
s/he wants when s/he wants it!! Your child will
use whining as a way to wear you down and gain
control of the outcome.
So how do you get your child to stop
whining? Here are 9 options for you to choose
Option 1. The most direct route is to
say, "You're using a whining voice right now and
that hurts my ears. I'll answer you when you use
your normal voice." Ignore the child’s requests
until they use a “normal” voice.
Option 2. You can record a child’s voice
when he’s whining and play it back to him or
just have him “pretend” to whine while recording
it so he can hear how he sounds. The child
usually gets a chuckle out of it. Give the
whiney voice a name, like "Whimpy." Then when
the child whines, the parent can say, "Uh oh,
Whimpy’s here. I've lost Ken. Do you know where
Ken is? Ken, Ken come out, wherever you are!”
Option 3. Kids are prone to whine when
they’re tired, bored or hungry. See if your
child has one of those needs and address the
Option 4. Kids are also more prone to
whining when their vocabulary is limited. Try to
provide words for your child that she may not
have yet. i.e. “You wish that you could swim
longer because you’re having so much fun that
you don’t want to leave?!
Option 5. You can role play with puppets
during a quiet time. Have your child be the
parent and you can be the child. Act out a scene
where the child wants an extra dessert and use
an irritating whiney voice. Ask the child how
s/he felt listening to a whiney voice and what
the parent should do to stop the child from
using a whiney voice. Your child may surprise
you with an inventive answer!
Option 6. You can tell the child that if
he wants to use a whiney voice, he can use it in
his room, but not where you are.
Option 7. There’s a children’s song
(Maybe the Wiggles sing it?) that has lyrics
like “I’m gonna shake, shake, shake my sillies
out. Shake. Shake. Shake my sillies out. Wiggle
my waggles away. ” You can make up a song with
your child like “I’m gonna stomp, stomp, stomp
my whineys out. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp my whineys
out. Wiggle my waggles away." Sing it with your
child when they use a whiney voice. Or if you
have an older child, develop a rap song
Option 8. Come up with a hand signal or
“sign language” that signals to your child to
stop using a whiney voice. This can be
particularly helpful when you have company and
don’t want to directly reprimand your child in
front of others.
Option 9. If you think that frustration,
boredom, sadness or some other emotion may be
the root cause of the whining, help the child
identify the feeling. i.e. “I was wondering if
you were feeling kind of frustrated right now?”
Positive Discipline Options
A fellow parent coach,
Beverly Walsh, started a blog (www.parenttalkingtips.blogspot.com)
and I wanted to share a good idea with you that she
had, It’s not a “discipline” tool, but I think it’s
Bev shared that when she’s making dinner, for
instance, one of her children might ask for help.
“This is how it sounds… “Mom! Can you help me with
this math problem? (from across the house).
This is how I sound… “Work on the problem for 5
minutes and if you still need help, let me know.”
My kids learn to figure it out and stick to a
problem, aka, Frustration Tolerance. I don’t get on
the stop/start roller coaster and buy myself some
time. Not as good as a time machine, but that “5
minutes” buys me a lot more than just 5 minutes.” (Bev
these classes from the comfort of home! You'll join
other parents, via telephone, for parenting tips and
a lively discussion all while sitting in your
favorite armchair! There's no need to waste time
driving to classes when you can participate from
home or your office in a 'teleclass.'
Less. Hug More! 7 Essential Parenting Skills” My
comprehensive parenting class with strategies for
solving anger issues, defiance, sibling hassles,
back talk, whining and more begins in March. This
class is done by telephone, so you can join me and
other parents easily from home or work. There are
three options: Thurs. classes are at Noon CT, (1
p.m. ET, 11 a.m. MT, 10 a.m. PT) starting March 1;
Tues. classes start March 6 at 7 p.m. CT (8 p.m. ET,
6 p.m. MT, 5 p.m. PT); or there’s a new independent
study program if you can’t make either of the
classes. Please go to
www.getparentinghelpnow.com to read all about it
or call Toni at 612-810-8687.
"Parents: Reclaim Your Couple Time!" – In
today’s busy world, many couples find their lives
revolving around their children’s activities. Time
to connect as a couple seems like a luxury few can
afford. If you’re a couple who’d like to reclaim
time with your spouse, please join us for this
class. This class will allow couples to focus on
each other, and to develop a concrete plan to enrich
their lives together. Friday, March 2, 6-9 p.m.
Woodbury Lutheran Church, $39 includes dinner and
presentation. Call Mary at 651-768-6416 to register.
“Are You Listening? 5 Great Ways to Connect with
Your Child and Get Them to Comply” – 10:30 a.m.,
Wed., March 14, Webinar, RSM McGladrey
“Self-Esteem Boosters Any Child Can Benefit
From”- Wed., March 21, 11:30 a.m., General Mills
Parenting Club, Private Class.
This is a place for
parents to exchange ideas. Would you like to get
ideas from other parents about a parenting concern?
Do you have good ideas that might help another
parent? Feel free to contribute!!
For April: ““My child is going to middle
school in the fall and I’d love some sage advice
about how to make the transition easier for both of
From Last Month: “My kids watch too much TV
and I’d like some suggestions on curbing the habit
and weaning them on to other things.” M.P.
Readers responded with these ideas:
“If I were you, I’d start small. If they’re
watching 3 hours a day now, I’d cut back to 2 hours
a day and help them figure out other activities that
would be fun to do during the other hour.”
“I let my kids watch an hour of TV a day but they
have to plan ahead what they’re going to watch each
day. They look at the TV Guide and figure out either
1 or 2 shows that they want to watch. It cuts down
on mindless surfing and I get to approve or veto
their choices.” D.O.
A Good Read
Each month a parent
provides a review of a parenting book they've
enjoyed. Please e-mail
to share a good read with other parents.
“Using Your Values to Raise Your Child to Be an
Adult You Admire” by Harriet Heath and Anna
“This book takes a wonderful, warm, compassionate
and practical approach to raising a child to be a
reflection of what’s important in your life. Many
parents can name their values but then how do you
actualize them? This book helps you define your own
values first and then learn how to incorporate those
beliefs into day-to-day parenting. It’s hands-on and
helps you put those values into action. It also
offers ideas for different ages and stages of
development. This book is for parents who are
serious about transforming their values into
action.” Mary Ivory, Life Coach and Counselor
What does your family
do for fun that doesn’t cost a lot of money? Please
share your ideas.
“When I want to have
special time with one child, we go to Caribou for a
fancy hot chocolate. Some of the museums in our area
offer free admission one day a month so we have
taken advantage of that, too.” Sara
Toni Schutta, Publisher, Families First Coaching Newsletter
Toni Schutta is a Parent Coach with a Master's
Degree in Psychology and 12 years experience working
with children and families. She's also the mother of
two wonderful children, a Licensed Psychologist, a
certified graduate of the Mentor Coach Foundations
Program and a member of the International Coach
Families First Coaching
is an organization devoted to building strong
families by empowering parents with practical
information, easy-to-use tools and helpful resources
that will help you be the best parent possible.
Individual parent coaching sessions are available
along with parent-to-parent support groups and
parent education classes. Check out the website at
http://www.familiesfirstcoaching.com for a
complete list of services.
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