Three Ways to Enhance Sibling Relationships

We spend a lot of time trying to diffuse sibling hassles and I’ll provide a seminar later this month with four proven strategies, but what have you done lately to try and enhance relations between your kids?

Like any good relationship, the sibling relationship can benefit from some tender loving care, so why should the sibling relationship be any different? Here are three ideas to get you started. Also, if you have ideas to share, please post them on my blog: http://blog.getparentinghelpnow.com

Idea #1: Sibling’s Day

Four years ago, my youngest asked me, “Mom, how come there’s a Mother’s Day and a Father’s Day, but there isn’t a Sister’s Day?" I said, “That’s a good question! Would you like to have a Sister’s Day? “YES!!!" she responded with gusto.

So, for four years now we’ve held an annual Sister’s Day with great success and I’d like to offer the idea of a “Sibling’s Day” or a “Brother’s Day” to you.

The idea of holidays like Mother’s Day is to set aside time to honor someone with special recognition, to spend time with that person and to offer kind words that acknowledge their importance. Siblings, of all family members could benefit the most from this! So, why not offer an opportunity for your kids to honor each other?

If you decide to proceed, consider the following guidelines:

• Have the children share their vision for the day.

• Brainstorm activities that would be fun.

• Make sure that each child’s ideas are incorporated into the celebration.

• Keep the fun to half a day.

• Decide whether cards, presents, or food will be part of the recognition.

• Be flexible.

Expect that emotions (positive and negative) may be amplified that day. Just let the kids know that if a problem arises, it’s just fine because working together, you can solve any problem.

Idea #2: The Special Plate

I came across another wonderful idea one time in “Family Fun” magazine. A mom named Lynn Ticknor had written an article called, “The Special Plate” for the “Great Idea” column.

In the article, Lynn said that her sons’ name calling, disrespect, pushing, shoving and squabbling was driving her crazy. She learned about an idea called the “special plate” in a parenting class and decided to try it.

Here’s how it works. Each night at dinner one person receives an honorary plate that looks different than the rest. During the meal, each family member takes a turn saying something that s/he appreciates about the other person. Examples would be “Thanks for playing Uno with me today. I had fun.” Or “I think that you’re funny and I like it when you make me laugh.”

Rotate the plate so every person in the family gets a turn then start the rotation again. Even parents get a turn to be thanked! Lynn noted that there’s less sibling rivalry and as an added bonus, it improved her relationship with her spouse.

We’ve used the special plate at our house for a few years and it’s a great way to start a meal by honoring a family member with gratitude.

Idea #3: Alone Time

Lastly, I’d like to suggest that you allow each child the opportunity for “alone” time. While this may run counter to the first two ideas I offered, it pays off to allow each child to have down time away from the other sibling(s).

When one sibling has a friend over, set up a play date for the other sibling, too, so each can have time to enjoy the friend who’s over. Or take time to play with the other child yourself to allow a “buffer” zone.

If your kids share a bathroom, set up a schedule for the morning or evening routines so each child can have some privacy.

Allow an introverted child some time alone when they first get home from school. Introverted kids need to recharge their batteries, privately, after being around people all day or they may get irritable.

If one child has homework and the other doesn’t, make sure that that child has a quiet space free of sibling interruptions to complete the homework.

By allowing personal space and boundaries, you’re respecting the child’s need for separateness and diffusing potential conflicts BEFORE they erupt.

Remember to reserve Wed., March 26 at Noon CT/ 1ET for my sibling teleclass with four proven strategies for reducing sibling hassles.
 

Positive Parenting Tip

Limiting Media Usage

This tip comes from parents who have four children and have managed to keep media use (computers, video games, TV) to a reasonable amount of time. Each week the kids are given a pre-determined number of media “dollars” (pretend dollar bills). A $1.00 bill is worth 20-minutes of screen time. The child turns in the dollar bill when s/he wants to use a media gadget and the time is monitored. The child can do two back-to-back sessions but s/he can only take one turn if another child is waiting to use that machine. The parents happily report that this strategy, which the kids helped develop, has really kept media-related problems to a minimum.
 

"Free" Time!

What does your family do for fun that doesn’t cost a lot of money? Please share your ideas.

Make Personalized Postage Stamps

You can make your own postage stamps using a digital photo of your lovely children or scan in a favorite art project. Just go to http://photo.stamps.com/Store/learn-more/ if you’re interested. The stamps do cost double, but it might be fun for a special occasion like a high school graduation. Toni

 

Toni Schutta, Publisher, Families First Coaching Newsletter

Toni Schutta is a Parent Coach with a Master's Degree in Psychology and 13 years experience working with children and families. She's also the mother of two wonderful children, a Licensed Psychologist, a certified graduate of the Mentor Coach Foundations Program and a member of the International Coach Federation and The Parent Coaches Association.

Families First Coaching is an organization devoted to building strong families by empowering parents with practical information, easy-to-use tools and helpful resources that will help you be the best parent possible. Individual parent coaching sessions are available along with parent-to-parent support groups and parent education classes. Check out the websites at http://www.familiesfirstcoaching.com  and http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com for a complete list of services.