Table of Contents - May
Feature Article: What to do About
Positive Parenting Tip: Things that Bug Kids about Parents
Upcoming Classes: “Find More Joy!”
A Good Read: Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family
Free Time: Photo Scavenger Hunt
Free Class in May!!
In honor of Mother’s
Day and Father’s Day, I’d like to give you a gift
this month. A gift that focuses on you, not your
children, and can bring you greater joy.
My guess is that you put every ounce of energy you
have into raising your child. You’re busy making
sure that your child gets enough sleep, eats well,
has friends, does his/her homework, gets involved in
sports etc. etc. In today’s culture, our life
revolves around our children and it can leave us
If you’d like to take some time to focus on you for
a little while, please come to my free 60-minute
teleclass, “Find More Joy!” on Wed., May 28 at Noon
CT/1 p.m. ET.
You'll learn three strategies so you can:
time for passions in your own life.
guilt you feel about time for yourself.
because you’re less stressed.
“A benefit of attending this class was
the quality time it gave me to focus on
my needs. Because of this, I felt calmer
around my husband and kids and felt MY
needs were fulfilled more often.
Thanks so much Toni! You've helped me in
Lisa M., St. Paul, MN
Claim your FREE
Teleclass “Find More Joy” here:
And to all of you moms, Happy Mother’s Day! And to
all of you dads, an early Happy Father’s Day!! Hope
you can join me on May 28th!
What to do About Lying
A new survey shows
that the average adult tells four lies a day, or
1,460 lies a year. Is it any wonder that our
children tell fibs, too?
Yet chances are when your child tells a whopper,
it makes you mad.
Why do kids lie?
Kids lie for lots of reasons. One of the biggest
reasons is to avoid punishment. After all, what
child likes being grounded or losing privileges?
A wonderful mom I work with shared a story about
a time her child lied. Her son was in math class
taking a big test. When the test was handed out
her child also received the answer grid! Her
child decided to copy the answers. Later, when
the teacher confronted him, he lied and said he
had not cheated.
Her son was a good student who hadn’t been in
trouble before. In fact, he admired his math
teacher. He lied not only to try and escape
punishment, but also because he was embarrassed
and worried what his teacher would think of him.
Sometimes kids lie to avoid disappointing adults
they care about.
Other times, kids will lie to side-step a sticky
situation or perhaps to get attention. Sometimes
kids tell lies to elevate their social standing
among peers or to gain an advantage. Other
times, a child may feel threatened, insecure or
So, what should you do when your child lies?
One solution is to tell kids who have done
something wrong, “You’re going to receive one
consequence for the bad choice you just made,
but if you lie to me about it, you’re going to
receive two consequences.” Normally, this
approach will inspire children to tell the
truth. When they do tell you the truth, then
praise them for taking responsibility for their
actions and tell them how much you value
If you sense that the child is feeling
threatened, insecure, guilty or embarrassed, you
can talk with the child about those feelings by
saying, “You seem kind of embarrassed. Tell me
You can also say, “That’s not how it happened. I
need you to tell me the truth.”
Sometimes you may inadvertently be setting your
child up to lie. Let’s say that you know that
your child just broke your favorite vase and you
ask the child, “Did you break that vase?”
Chances are that the child will lie to avoid the
punishment, save face, etc. Instead, what you
could say is “I see that the vase is broken” and
then take steps to clean it up, determine a
consequence, etc. but the focus of the
interaction is on SOLUTIONS rather than BLAME.
Or, you can take T. Berry Brazelton’s advice. He
urges parents to stay calm and say, “We both
know that what you said isn’t true. You don’t
need to lie. I can stand the truth and so can
And let’s not forget that you are your child’s
role model. Perhaps we can all work on lying
fewer than 1,460 times per year!
Positive Parenting Tip
A survey of 5,000
elementary school kids asked the question, “What
bugs you most about your parents?” The top
vote-getters are spelled out in the book, “From
Defiance to Cooperation” by John Taylor.
Here are the top vote-getters for what
• When my parent makes me break plans that I
already have to do something they want to do.
• When I’m not consulted about movies to see,
foods to eat, shopping lists.
• When my parents throws out my clothes and toys
without consulting me.
• When my parent forces me to eat foods I don’t
• When my parent invites a friend over without
consulting me first.
• When my parent doesn’t ask for my advice or
take my suggestions.
• When my parent signs me up for lessons or
classes without consulting me first.
Taylor contends that when children aren’t given
legitimate choices and influence that they may
become oppositional. So look for ways for your
child to express preferences up-front on
critical issues and you’ll likely gain more
Take these classes from
the comfort of home! You'll join other parents, via
telephone, for parenting tips and a lively
discussion all while sitting in your favorite
armchair! There's no need to waste time driving to
classes when you participate from home or your
office in a 'teleclass.'
“Find More Joy”
This free, 60-minute teleclass will focus on
three strategies that will help you free up time
for the passions in your own life, reduce the
guilt you feel about time for yourself and help
you feel calmer and more energized. Wed., May
28, Noon-1 CT, (1-2 p.m. ET) Free. Register
If you’d like to develop a positive discipline plan
that works, get your kids to listen the first time,
reduce sibling hassles and find ways to stay close
to your child at every stage of development, please
join us for a 5-week Parenting Together group.
You’ll connect with other moms and get the answers
you need to the most common parenting problems. Moms
with children ages 3-12 will benefit the most.
Classes run through Tues., May 13 from 10 a.m.-11:15
at Incarnation Lutheran Church, Shoreview, MN. Cost
will be $25 for the 5 classes. Child Care will be
provided. Call 484-7213 to sign up now for the
Parenting Together series. Space will be limited.
Toni offers 17
different parent education classes. If you’d
like to book Toni at your company or
organization, please go to:
A Good Read
Each month a parent
provides a review of a parenting book they've
enjoyed. Please e-mail
firstname.lastname@example.org to share a good
read with other parents.
“Secrets of Feeding a Healthy
Orchestrating and Enjoying the Family Meal”
By Ellyn Satter
This book isn’t even
published yet and I’m going to recommend it! I read
the 1999 version of this book and Ellyn has updated
it adding how to “enjoy” the family meal. Ellyn is
absolutely my favorite author for nutritional advice
and advising parents on how to grow a healthy eater.
Here’s Ellyn's sage advice: “Parents are responsible for
the what, when and where of feeding. Children are
responsible for the how much and whether of eating.
Do your job, let your children do their and settle
down.” Be sure to make this new book part of your
parenting library! Toni
What does your family
do for fun that doesn’t cost a lot of money? Please
share your ideas.
Photo Scavenger Hunt
This idea comes from
Arlene Azevedo, a mom who wrote in to Family Fun
magazine. Arlene invented a game called “Photo
Challenge.” She gives her daughter a digital camera
to use along with a list of 40 things to photograph
and a 15-minute time limit. The instructions she
gives her daughter are to photograph different
objects: something that’s cold, something that lights
up, something that smells good, etc. After the
scavenger hunt her daughter
can develop some of her favorite pictures.
Toni Schutta, Publisher, Families First Coaching Newsletter
Toni Schutta is a Parent Coach with a Master's
Degree in Psychology and 14 years experience working
with children and families. She's also the mother of
two wonderful children, a Licensed Psychologist, a
certified graduate of the Mentor Coach Foundations
Program and a member of the International Coach
Federation and The Parent Coaches Association.
Families First Coaching
is an organization devoted to building strong
families by empowering parents with practical
information, easy-to-use tools and helpful resources
that will help you be the best parent possible.
Individual parent coaching sessions are available
along with parent-to-parent support groups and
parent education classes. Check out the websites at
http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com for a
complete list of services.
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