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Table of Contents - November 2011
Feature Article: ‘Tis the Season to
Build an Attitude of Gratitude
Parenting Tip: The Silent Epidemic Gripping Our Kids
Upcoming Classes: FREE: “The 7 Worst Mistakes that Parents Make
(And How to Avoid Them!)”
A Good Read: Am I Doing Too Much for My Child?
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‘Tis the Season to Build an Attitude of Gratitude
Thanksgiving is a North American holiday associated
with the harvest of crops. Although we buy most of our food at the grocery store
now, the holiday gives us a good reason to stop and take stock of what we’re
grateful for and to take steps to build an attitude of gratitude in our kids.
There’s plenty of research from the field of positive psychology that
demonstrates that instilling an attitude of gratitude in your child will have
life-long benefits.
(As a background note, positive psychology is the scientific study of what goes
right in life from birth to death. It contrasts with the traditional
study of psychology that has long focused on problems. Positive psychology
studies strengths.)
People who regularly incorporate gratefulness practices in their life also
report a higher level of life satisfaction or happiness.
Furthermore, people in a positive emotional state demonstrate more flexibility
and creativity in their thinking strategies. And isn’t that what you want for
your kids? You want them to be happy and good thinkers.
So, let’s look at how to increase the amount of thankfulness in your family.
Focused attention is needed, but it’s fun work to do.
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First, give yourself a gratefulness
tune-up. Tonight, and for the
next week, while brushing your teeth
think about your kids and what
experiences you had with them that day
that brought you some joy. Have a notepad ready to jot these ideas down.
If you’re really brave, think about the
challenges you faced with your child
that day. As you brush your teeth, see
if you can reframe what that child’s
behavior is telling you about yourself,
what you can learn, and how you can use
that to become a better person. You can
include those thoughts on your notepad
of ideas, too.
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Model
gratitude. Next time a car cuts
you off in traffic and you have a near-
miss of an accident while the kids are
in the car, instead of cursing the bad
driver, comment on the fact that it was
a near-miss and you’re glad that you’re
are all safe and sound.
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At
bedtime ask your child, “What went well
today?” Asking a person “What
was special about today?” is a great
relationship-builder and offers a
connection of reflection and gratitude.
Don’t look for big happenings but
appreciate the small.
Again, modeling the behavior is good.
You might offer, “It feels good when I
come home and our dog Snoopy wags his
tail when I come in.” Or “Today I had an
extra few minutes to prepare the
macaroni and cheese we had for dinner
and I like how it came out!” Or “I
really like that we have nice neighbors
who decorate outside for the holidays. I
enjoy looking at it.”
Your reflections on the day will
encourage your child’s ability to
reflect on the day. There are no right
or wrong answers.
You may want to jot down what your child
is grateful for and share it with them
at a later date. Sometimes, they’ll
surprise you with funny things they’re
grateful for.
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Create a gratefulness paper chain for
Thanksgiving. Gather the
supplies -- paper cut into link-sized
strips, markers and glue -- and have
everyone write down several things that
they’re grateful for on the paper chain
link before they glue it together in a
chain. If many people participate or if
it’s done daily for a few weeks before
the holiday you’ll have a long chain of
things to be grateful for that can
decorate your home! You could also
consider having guests on Thanksgiving
Day contribute to the chain.
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Identify charitable causes. Next
time you see an ad for a charity or the
bell ringers at Christmas, explain the
purpose in childlike terms. “They
collect money to help people who need
food or housing.” It’s a great way to be
aware of others as well as thankful for
what we have. See if your child would
like to make a contribution.
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Be
free and easy with expressing love and
gratitude to your family. Do it
at least once a day and you will be a
positive psychology expert in no time at
all.
Do you have an
idea for sharing the gratitude attitude?
We’d love to hear it!
Written by: Mary Ivory MA LCPC CPC is a
counselor, educator and family business life
coach. She manages a parenting blog and
co-authored a book, Parenting By Strengths,
with Toni Schutta.
Editor’s Note: I have an idea
to share!
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Use a
Special Plate at dinner time. A
long time ago I read about a mom in
Family Fun magazine who came up with
this ritual: Every night at dinnertime
one person eats off a plate that looks
different than the rest. Every member of
the family then takes a turn thanking
the person with the “special plate” for
something that would have otherwise gone
unnoticed. So, for instance you could
say to your child, “Thank you for
getting your homework done and I didn’t
even have to ask you to get started.”
Or, you could say to your spouse or
partner, “Thanks for grocery shopping
today. You know how I hate that chore.”
Then, the special plate rotates each
night to another person in the family so
you can tell that person what you’re
grateful for that relates to them. We’ve
done this for years. Starting the meal
with these positive affirmations of
gratefulness is a wonderful way to
connect each day. Toni
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Parenting Tip
The Silent Epidemic
Gripping Our Kids
On college
campuses, staff is well aware of an overwhelming
problem facing incoming students. A whopping 50%
of college freshmen meet criteria for mental
health diagnoses such as major depression,
anxiety disorders, eating disorders, and
chemical dependency. There are so many college
students seeking counseling services that
college counseling centers cannot meet the
demand even though most students suffer silently
without seeking help.
Few outside of college campuses are aware of
this alarming trend.
There are lots of reasons that students are
crumbling when faced with the rigors of college
life: parents are doing too much for their kids;
parents are giving kids too much stuff without
asking for much in return; a child-centered
culture creates a sense of entitlement rather
than a hard work ethic; kids don’t have chores
so they don’t know how to perform basic life
skills; kids now have a mindset of learned
helplessness rather than resilience; parents are
coddling kids and not letting them experience
disappointment; and parents aren’t consistently
disciplining, to name a few reasons.
The bottom line is that teens don’t feel
prepared for the responsibilities and
independence of college life. We have not done
our job in preparing our children for the real
world where a person must take initiative, be
responsible and is held accountable for
outcomes. If this trend is to change, we must
make changes now so our children are prepared
for leaving the nest.
Research also shows that MOST parents today feel
like they’re failing at parenting –that they’re
trying to do everything, and as a result,
they’re not doing anything well. Parents are
feeling stretched thin, exhausted, and at their
limit. It doesn’t have to be this way, however.
You just need practical tools you can use right
away to begin to make the necessary, positive
changes so your child can be successful.
To help you evaluate how you’re doing and what
changes, if any, are necessary to help your
child to be successful, I’m offering a free
60-minute teleclass called, “The 7 Worst
Mistakes Parents Make (And How to Avoid Them!)
on Wed., Nov. 16 at Noon CT/1 PM ET/11 AM MT/10
AM PT. Register here now:
http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/7Mistakes.htm
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UPCOMING TELECLASSES
Take these classes from
the comfort of your home or office! You'll join
other parents, via telephone, for parenting tips and
a lively discussion all while sitting in your
favorite armchair! There's no need to waste time
driving to classes when you participate from home or
your office in a 'teleclass.'
FREE! “The 7 Worst
Mistakes Parents Make (And How to Avoid Them!)
-Wed., Nov. 16 at Noon CT/1 PM ET/11 AM MT/10 AM PT.
Register here now:
http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/7Mistakes.htm
UPCOMING CLASSES
“Get Your Child to
Listen the FIRST Time!” Sat., Nov. 5, 10:15
a.m., District 196 Parenting Conference, Apple
Valley, MN
"Parents Reclaim Your Couple Time" - Sun.,
Nov. 6, 10 a.m., St Michael’s Lutheran Church,
Roseville, MN.
“Children’s Anger: Triggers and Solutions for
Coping” Wed., Nov. 9, 6:30 p.m., Amazing Grace,
Inver Grove Heights, MN.
“The 7 Worst Mistakes that Parents Make (And How
to Avoid Them!)” - Thurs., Nov. 10, 6:30 p.m.,
St. Odilia’s, Shoreview, MN.
“Stop Back Talk and Whining Now” – Mon., Nov.
14, 7 p.m. Woodbury Community Education, $10,
651-458-6605.
“The 7 Worst Mistakes that Parents Make (And How
to Avoid Them!)” - Tues., Nov. 15, 7 p.m., Anoka Hennepin Community
Education.
“Helping Kids with Transitions” - Wed., Nov.
16, 6 p.m., Augustana Lutheran Church, Inver Grove
Heights, MN.
“Mean Girls and Boys: What Parents and Kids Can
Do to Stop Bullying” – Thurs., Nov. 17, 6:30
p.m., Northwest Youth and Family Services,
Shoreview, MN . Free to the public.
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A Good Read
Each month a parent
provides a review of a parenting book they've
enjoyed. Please e-mail
toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com to share a good
read with other parents.
“Am I
Doing Too Much for My Child?:
Getting Your Child on the Road to Responsibility and
Independence"
By Elizabeth Crary,
M.S.
Elizabeth Crary has been helping parents and
families for decades. She’s written 35 practical
books for parents and children.
In this short, concise book (Something I appreciate
as a busy parent!) Elizabeth tackles a contemporary,
thorny and common problem in our culture; parents
who do too much for their kids.
Elizabeth describes how there are four roles that a
parent can play in a given encounter with their
children: nurturer, teacher, coach or consultant and
how at different stages of development different
roles are more appropriate.
Crary provides examples and tables
to clearly lay out how to respond to challenging
misbehavior at various ages and why parents
sometimes get stuck in a role to their child’s
detriment. Crary points out that parents should
first reflect on their own communication style and
that it takes 21-30 days to make changes stick. So,
be patient. Both parent and child will benefit if
you stick with it by gaining confidence, new skills
and independence.” Toni
This book is available at
www.parentingpress.com
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Toni Schutta, Publisher, Families First Coaching Newsletter
Toni Schutta is a Parent Coach with a Master's
Degree in Psychology and 17 years experience working
with children and families. She's also the mother of
two wonderful children, a Licensed Psychologist, a
certified graduate of the Mentor Coach Foundations
Program, a member of The Parent Coaches Association,
an author, speaker and past radio host.
Families First Coaching
is an organization devoted to building strong
families by empowering parents with practical
information, easy-to-use tools and helpful resources
that will help you be the best parent possible.
Individual parent coaching sessions are available
along with parent-to-parent support groups and
parent education classes. Check out the websites at
http://www.familiesfirstcoaching.com and
http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com for a
complete list of services. |
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