 |
Table of Contents - October
2010
Feature Article: Anti-Bullying
Action Steps
Parenting Tip: Free Safe Cyber Space Download
Upcoming Classes: Free Teleclass: “Mean Girls (and Boys): Here’s
What a Parent Can Do”
A Good Read: Stop Teasing Taylor
|
|
|
|
Anti-Bullying Action Steps
An elementary school student comes home crying. “I
hate school. Don’t make me go back.”
A middle school child starts her first day of a new school. When she sits down
at a table for lunch, a girl tells her, “You can’t sit here. You don’t belong
here.”
A high school student is called a “slut” in text messages. Another is called,
“gay” in a chat room.
Every day children in schools hear hurtful words, are ostracized, or are targets
of physical aggression. Half of all children report feeling “bullied” while at
school. While incidents of “relational/emotional aggression” (when children use
relationships to hurt each other and find ways to exclude others) are much more
common.
At the early elementary school ages, the most common form of bullying among
girls is social isolation.
“Girls may exclude one girl from a group. They can be sneaky and manipulative,
whisper, draw pictures or write notes about keeping the girl out of the group,”
said Kristin Boileau, Osceola Elementary school counselor. “In one case, it was
deep and entangled. There were about seven girls involved keeping two girls from
the group.”
Girls tend not to report it right away, Boileau said. With girls who are feeling
left out, you may see withdrawal in the classroom, school work that’s not
getting done or she may appear sad.
With boys, rough play is more common, Boileau said. “Sometimes it’s purposeful
tackling and sometimes it’s not. Boys do tend to report it more often, though.”
When boys are being bullied it’s more common the see acting out in the
classroom, a tendency not to follow the rules and defiance to adult requests.
Sometimes there is verbal aggression and social withdrawal, according to Boileau.
In later elementary school years, cliques begin to form and social isolation
increases. Name calling becomes more common place. Children who are different in
some way tend to be singled out.
Many people identify their middle schools years as the toughest due to the
jockeying for position among children and the tendency to want to fit in to a
group.
“I see a lot of bullying in middle school boys
based on sexuality. They are more overt and may call someone ‘gay. Boys just
blurt it out,’” said Laurie Vinyon, Edgewood Middle School teacher. “With girls,
it’s more covert and the name calling has to do with reputation and pre-dating
issues. Girls can weave a web of drama.”
For boys and girls Vinyon sees bullying based on body size and differences.
“Just today a boy wanted to start a fight with another boy just because he wore
glasses,” Vinyon said. “They may use any reason to show power over another
student.”
With the advent of chat rooms, Instant messaging, Facebook, Twitter, text messages,
phone cameras, webcams and cell phones, the opportunity to hurt others
emotionally has exploded. This type of harassment led to the suicide of Rutgers
freshman Tyler Clementi recently.
Children who are bullied will experience lower self-esteem, will feel anxious,
fearful and insecure. This in turn, will make it harder for them to learn and to
make other friends.
In the extreme, it can even lead to depression, anxiety and other mental health
issues. In some cases, children have even committed suicide.
Most children will not tell their parents they’ve been bullied. They suffer
silently.
If your child has not talked to you about being bullied here are two options you
may want to pursue:
-
Simply
bring up the subject in a general
manner. Ask your child: “Are there
kids at your school that are mean to
other kids? What do they say? What do
they do? Do some kids get picked on more
than others? Who? Are kids sometimes
mean to you?
-
Look for
possible signs:
-
Lost or
torn clothing
-
Unexplained bruises
-
Fearfulness
-
Anxiety
-
Moodiness
-
Drop in
grades
-
Lack of
friends
-
Loss of
appetite
-
Unexplained reluctance to go to
school
-
Sleep
disturbances
-
Rush to
use the bathroom when they get home
-
Belongings keep disappearing
-
Overly
hungry
So, as a
parent, have your radar up and see if your
child has any of these symptoms of bullying.
It is also a parent’s job to teach a child
strategies on how to handle mean comments,
social isolation and physical harm so the
child can feel empowered. Parents also need
to teach their child how to stand up for
other children who are being bullied.
Join me for a free teleclass Wed., Oct.
27 at Noon CT called, “Mean Girls (and
Boys): Here’s What a Parent Can Do”
teleclass so you can learn 14 methods your
child can use to derail a mean child or
bully. You can register now at:
http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/MeanGirls.htm
(See details below.)
We all need to
take action: parents, teachers,
administrators and children. Bullying is
unacceptable and it can be diminished if we
all take action.
Take action Wed., Oct. 27 by joining me for
this important, free, class in honor of
National Bullying Prevention Month.
http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/MeanGirls.htm
|
|
|
|
|
|
Free Teleclass
Sign Up Now!
“Mean Girls (and Boys): Here’s What a Parent Can Do”
Teleclass Wed., Oct. 27
Register Now at:
http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/MeanGirls.htm
The
sad truth is that mean behaviors are rampant in our
children’s schools.
Kids are calling each other “fat” or “gay” or
“dumb.” They’re deliberately excluding some children
from groups.
They’re making up rumors about each other. They’re
sending nasty texts.
Estimates are that half of all school children
experience the stress and anxiety that results from
bullying. Many more experience the pain of emotional
aggression.
What can a parent do? The key is to empower your
children by teaching them specific strategies for
how to cope and conquer the bully.
In the free “Mean Girls (And Boys): Here’s What a
Parent Can do” teleclass you’ll learn 14 practical,
step-by-step strategies for empowering your children
and working with others to stop some of this hurtful
behavior.
Come to this free teleclass and you will:
-
Get
Practical Tips Your Child Can Implement
Immediately. You’ll be able to teach your
child 14 options for deflecting the taunts of
others.
-
Empower
Your Child. A child’s self-esteem suffers
when s/he is the victim of bullying. Learn
strategies that will put your child back in
charge.
-
Get
Results. You’ll also receive tools for
communicating with the school in a way that gets
results so your child is treated with respect.
Join me by
telephone on Wed., Oct. 27, 12- 1 PM CT (1-2 PM
ET/11 AM-12 PM MT, 10-11 AM PT) for this important
class.
Don’t delay. Register now at:
http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/MeanGirls.htm
|
|
Parenting Tip
Free Safe Cyber Space
Download
From Mary Ivory, Co-Author of “Parenting by
Strengths”
and Blogger at
www.parentingbystrengths.com
The world of cyber
space is ever expanding and it can be, well,
exhausting to keep up with tweens and teens who
know it better than most of us!
Good news! A free book has been published that
teaches teens about cyber safety. It addresses
the dangers and fears of the cyber world but
with all important action steps to keep safe and
how to address problems pronto!
I suggest it be a family book club selection and
you read and discuss this book together. You get
to encourage reading for comprehension and
review safe behaviors all in one! What a win!
You can go to the
Own Your Space link to view
the book by chapter selection and download it
for free. You may want to forward this link to
your kids so they can help themselves.
I would love to hear what you think! You can
post a comment here:
www.parentingbystrengths.com
|
|
UPCOMING TELECLASSES
Take these classes from
the comfort of your home or office! You'll join
other parents, via telephone, for parenting tips and
a lively discussion all while sitting in your
favorite armchair! There's no need to waste time
driving to classes when you participate from home or
your office in a 'teleclass.'
“Raise a Responsible
Child 5-Part Series” begins with “Homework Success”
Class - 60-minute teleclass to help parents
solve common homework problems so you both can
reduce your stress. Mon., Oct. 18, Noon- 1 p.m. CT
(1-2 p.m. ET/11-12 AM MT, 10-11 AM PT). Register
here now:
http://www.workingfamilyresourcecenter.org/WFRC/en/SAPEP.asp
“Mean Girls (and Boys): Here’s What a Parent Can
Do”- Wed., Oct. 27, 12- 1 PM CT (1-2 PM ET/11
AM-12 PM MT, 10-11 AM PT). Free. Register Now at:
http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/MeanGirls.htm
UPCOMING TELECLASSES
“Working Parents:
How to Achieve Balance” - Wed., Oct. 6, Noon,
Prudential Insurance Company of America.
“Get Your Child to Listen the First Time” –
Thurs., Oct. 7, 7-8:30 p.m. Anoka Hennepin Community
Education.
“Proven Strategies for Reducing Sibling Hassles”
– Mon., Oct. 11, Island Lake PTA Meeting, 6:30
p.m.
“Get Your Child to Listen the First Time” –
Thurs., Oct. 14, 6:30 p.m., Family Connections,
South St. Paul.
“Money Matters: Teach Your Child the Value of a
Buck” – Tues., Oct. 19, 6:30 p.m., Osceola
Elementary School.
Toni offers 18 different
parent education classes. If you’d like to book Toni
at your company or organization, please go to:
http://www.familiesfirstcoaching.com/Pages/Speakerspage.html
or call Toni at
612-810-8687.
|
|
A Good Read
Each month a parent
provides a review of a parenting book they've
enjoyed. Please e-mail
toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com to share a good
read with other parents.
"Stop
Teasing Taylor" by Jana Carson
A “We Read” Book
“This is a really good book for younger children
regarding bullying. It’s about a boy who goes to
school with a hole in his shoes. His family can’t
afford new shoes because his father lost his job.
The other kids tease him. He’s called a “cry baby”
on the playground. With the help of his best friend
and his teacher, the boy learns how to cope with the
bullying and his teacher also takes action to turn
the behavior of the other children around.
His teacher tells the children a story about an
Indian tribe called “the Tree people” who have a
tradition of meeting once a week, sitting in a
circle and saying kind things to each other. The
teacher starts this tradition in her classroom to
turn the negative behavior around.” Renee
|
|
Toni Schutta, Publisher, Families First Coaching Newsletter
Toni Schutta is a Parent Coach with a Master's
Degree in Psychology and 16 years experience working
with children and families. She's also the mother of
two wonderful children, a Licensed Psychologist, a
certified graduate of the Mentor Coach Foundations
Program, a member of The Parent Coaches Association,
an author, speaker and past radio host.
Families First Coaching
is an organization devoted to building strong
families by empowering parents with practical
information, easy-to-use tools and helpful resources
that will help you be the best parent possible.
Individual parent coaching sessions are available
along with parent-to-parent support groups and
parent education classes. Check out the websites at
http://www.familiesfirstcoaching.com and
http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com for a
complete list of services. |
If you
enjoy this newsletter and know of someone else who might,
please forward it to your friend.
If you
would like to subscribe to this newsletter, please e-mail:
news@familiesfirstcoaching.com
and type "subscribe me" in the
subject line. All information is held in strict
confidence.
If you
would like to unsubscribe to this newsletter, please e-mail:
news@familiesfirstcoaching.com and type
"unsubscribe" in the subject line.
Distribution Rights
Families First Coaching
Newsletter is copyrighted, but you may retransmit or
distribute it to others as long as you acknowledge
www.familiesfirstcoaching.com as the source of the
information.
However, you may not copy it to a web site.
Republication, and distribution, of Families First Coaching
Newsletter in print is encouraged and permitted
as long as the issue is printed in its entirety and includes
the contact information.
Copyright 2004 Families First
Coaching.
|
|