Families First Coaching Newsletter

Table of Contents - September 2010

Feature Article: Rx for September Transitions
Parenting Tip: Power-Packed Brown Bag Lunches
Upcoming Classes: Homework Success
A Good Read: Discover Your Child’s Learning Style

Rx for September Transitions

Transitions happen every day and September, like no other month, is a time of transitions for your child. Starting a new grade. Getting a new teacher. Learning new classroom rules. Adding more homework. No matter what the transition, you can expect an added level of stress as your child adapts to the change.

When making the transition to a new grade, your child will be challenged by more rigorous academic challenges, more social demands and more responsibility. Your child will have to follow the rules, take turns, make new friends, learn harder material and try to meet the requirements of a new teacher(s).

It takes a lot of energy, focus and control to keep it together all day long at school, so most kids will be tired and you’ll see an increase in temper tantrums, whining and defiance at home. Don’t take it personally! Recognize the stress that your child is under!

The best response to stress is to provide empathy and support, help the child gain a sense of control, create rituals that provide predictability and teach your child ways to de-stress.

Ways to Show Empathy:

Listen - Become an “empathic listener” by listening for feelings.
• Listen for the unspoken feelings that are behind the words that are said.
• Look at your child’s body language and try to gain helpful information.
• Listen with your heart.
• Don’t be critical.
• Give your child your full attention by sitting down, looking him/her in the eye.
• Try to reflect back the feeling that you believe your child is conveying. i.e. "You seem upset."
Ask open-ended questions. i.e. What do you like about your new teacher? What’s the hardest part of your day?
Share a story from your childhood. The point here is to share a struggle that you had and the different feelings that you experienced. If you found a process that helped you overcome the struggle, share that, too.

Another important point to understand is that transitions involve a sense of loss:

A loss of fun. “I want to play with a friend now. I don’t want to do homework!”

A loss of spontaneity. “I’m tired and I’d rather have a pajama day than get dressed and go to school.”

Or a loss of my classroom as I know it. “This teacher is different. I liked my other teacher!”

Generally, when a child feels a sense of loss s/he feels a loss of control and a beneficial strategy is to help the child gain a sense of control. So how do you do that?

Involve your child in the decision. Ask your child, “What might help you feel more comfortable?”
Walk your child through the process, explaining how it will go. Knowledge is power.
Show visual aids such as reading books on the subject.
Explain the benefits so the child can learn the positives.
Slow down the pace. Give your child a chance to wind down or to say goodbye.
Learn to read your child’s cues and help him/her learn to identify them, too.

Another helpful strategy for reducing the stress of changes is to create a ritual. Family rituals help your child adjust to change. A ritual can be simple or elaborate, used daily, weekly, or once a year. The reason that rituals are important is that rituals help make the world predictable and the repetition helps kids feel more secure when transitions are occurring.

Rituals that Can Help with Transitions:

Develop a goodbye ritual. Develop a secret handshake with your child that’s used only when s/he leaves for school.
Develop an after-school ritual. Let your child have a snack and play outside for 30 minutes before starting homework.
Develop a “chit-chat” time at bedtime. Ask your child about the happy, sad, scary and frustrating parts to his/her day.
Develop an end-of-the-week ritual. Have a family night every Friday night to reconnect and unwind after a busy week.

Change also increases a child’s anxiety level because there is a loss of the familiar and the uncertainty of the future so finding safe, healthy outlets for a child’s anxiety is important, as well. Teaching your child how to soothe him/herself and providing calming activities will be a great help.

Tips for Reducing Anxiety:

Increase physical touch – Make a conscious effort to hug and kiss more often, snuggle more or provide massage to your child.
Schedule down time- It’s very important that your child has unstructured time each day to relax, do the things that they love, play outside and make their own choices.
Identify five things that went well that day. On a daily basis ask your child what went well that day. Pointing out the positives will help you and your child build on strengths and feel less anxious.
Honor sleep. Well-rested children will have the energy to face new challenges and will be more successful academically.

Suggested Sleep Guidelines:

Toddlers (children from one year to about three years of age) -13 hours
Preschoolers- Kindergartners - 12 hours
School-age kids - 10 to 11 hours
Adolescents – 9 1/4 hours
Adults- 8 ¼ hours

(Source: Sleepless in America, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka)
Teach a deep breathing method. (Pretend that there’s a balloon in his/her tummy that s/he has to blow up. Actually use a balloon to illustrate. The technique you want to have the child use is to breathe in through the nose and breathe out through the mouth, actually moving the diaphragm while pretending to blow up the balloon with big, deep breaths.)
Consider dramatics - Let your child use his/her imagination. “Let’s pretend that you’re the fairy godmother.” Get a wand. Let’s see what the fairy godmother would do to solve this problem. Create a movie, play or story about this problem. Play “school” to see what issues your child may be facing.
Spend time alone with the child – Let the child pick what the activity will be and focus on your child’s needs.
Laugh – Find your own ways to be silly, have a kids’ joke book on hand, do something unexpected, watch your favorite family movie.
Give your child a journal – Writing about a problem can release pent-up feelings in a healthy way.
Create a scrapbook- Have your child participate in the creation of the book and reminisce at the child’s convenience. It doesn’t have to be fancy.

In summary, there are many useful strategies that you can use when your child is faced with a transition, large or small:

Respond with empathy recognizing that your child may feel a sense of loss.
Help your child gain a sense of control by involving him/her in decision-making.
Develop a ritual to create predictability.
Offer soothing and calming activities.

“Homework Success” Class Wed., Sept. 29

School has started and homework is upon us. Whether we like it or not homework is a part of our family life.

Many children have trouble getting homework done on time, in an organized fashion and without cajoling from parents. Daily struggles with homework end up being stressful for everyone.

To make the homework time at your house less stressful and to help your child be more successful in completing it, take advantage of this month’s teleclass “Homework Success,” Wed. Sept. 29, Noon CT. (An audio recording of the class can be sent to you if you can’t make the live call.)

Come to class for 60-minutes, implement the strategies provided and you will:

	Reduce power struggles.
	Be less frustrated.
	Create homework rituals that work.
	Make learning fun.
	Reduce dawdling and procrastination.
	Gain numerous helpful resources.

Register here now: http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com/HomeworkSuccess.htm

Date: Wed., Sept. 29 from Noon-1 CT (1-2 PM ET/11 AM-12 PM MT/10-11 AM PT). (Don’t worry if you can’t personally come to the call. An audio recording of the class will be sent to you within 24 hours of the live class.)

Parenting Tip

Lynda Enright, a dietician and prior guest on "Real Parents. Real Solutions" was kind enough to prepare these ideas for nutritious power-packed meals to help your student do well in school. Lynda's website is: www.bewellconsulting.com.

Power-Packed Brown Bag Lunches

Lunch Ideas

Try variations on sandwich bread such as whole grain crackers, pita, bagels, tortillas, English muffins, or raisin cinnamon bread or whole wheat pasta.

Include salsa, hummus, bean or fruit dips with grains, fruits or vegetables.

Add vegetables that are easy to eat with their hands – baby carrots, sugar snap peas, green beans, cucumber rings, asparagus spears, cherry tomatoes or zucchini sticks, bell pepper strips, lettuce leaves, broccoli or cauliflower spears.

Include fruit – melon balls, apple slices, small banana, orange wedges, Clementine, raisins, dried apricots, pineapple chunks, unsweetened applesauce container,

Add protein – yogurt, mozzarella sticks, peanut or other nut butter, lean lunchmeat, chopped chicken or turkey or nuts

Don’t forget the milk.

Make your own snack mixes – include nuts, unsweetened dried fruit, whole grain crackers, or pretzels.

Recipes

Pasta salad – whole wheat pasta with lean meat or low fat cheese, vegetables your kids love, tossed with light vinaigrette dressing.

Fruit and cheese plate – whole wheat crackers, variety of cheese, lean meats, fruit.

Peanut butter snacker – peanut butter (natural), whole grain crackers, English muffin, or bagel pieces, celery sticks, apple pieces.

Salad – individually packaged for a make your own salad - lettuce, hard boiled egg, cheese or lean meat, light dressing.

Taco salad – Combine meat, shredded cheese, tomatoes and lettuce. At lunchtime your child can add tortilla chips and light dressing.

Fried rice – Combine cooked brown rice, lean meat or egg, and vegetables.

Hot soup in a thermos with whole grain crackers and string cheese.

Whole grain bagel with mozzarella, lettuce and tomato.

Sandwich fillings – cheese, salmon, egg or tuna salad, turkey, chicken, beans, peanut butter, raisins, grated carrots, mayonnaise, mustard, cream cheese, avocado, catsup, relish, spinach, sweet peppers 0r cucumbers.

Hummus – Mix 1 – 15 oz. can garbanzo beans, drained and rinsed, 2 cloves chopped garlic, ¼ cup cold water, 1 tsp. salt, 5 TB lemon juice, 1/3 cup tahini paste in food processor.

Salsa dip – Mix ¼ cup plain low fat yogurt and ¼ cup salsa.

Fruit dip – Mix 1 cup low fat fruit yogurt, 2 TB jam and ¼ cup whipped cream.

Lunch Tips

Choose or prepare small foods for younger children.

Choose colorful foods with a variety of shapes and textures.

Pack nutritious foods that your child likes.

Pack sandwich ingredients for your child to make their own or to eat separately.

Ensure food safety – include an ice pack in an insulated lunch bag for cold lunches or an insulated thermos for hot foods.

Occasionally send something special (a favorite small toy, note, pretty napkin, flower, sticker, etc.).

UPCOMING CLASSES

“How Understanding Your Child’s Temperament Can Make You a Better Parent” and Helping Your Child with Transitions” – Tues., Sept. 14, 6:30-9:30, Hennepin County Foster Parent Training.

“Childrens’ Anger: Triggers and Solutions for Coping” - Tues., Sept. 21, 6:30-9:30, Hennepin County Foster Parent Training.

“Got Defiance? 21 Ways to Gain More Compliance” and “How to Reduce Back Talk and Whining” - Tues., Sept. 28, 6:30-9:30, Hennepin County Foster Parent Training.

“Parents: Reclaim Your Couple Time!” – Thurs., Sept. 30, 11:30 a.m., 3M.

Toni offers 17 different parent education classes. If you’d like to book Toni at your company or organization, please go to: http://www.familiesfirstcoaching.com/Pages/Speakerspage.html or call Toni at 612-810-8687.

A Good Read

Each month a parent provides a review of a parenting book they've enjoyed. Please e-mail toni@familiesfirstcoaching.com to share a good read with other parents.

Discover Your Child’s Learning Style
By Mariaemma Willis, M.S. and Victoria Kindle Hodson, M.A.

The mission statement written in this book is: “Promoting experiences that allow learning success for every child.” Written by two social workers, they contend that every child can be successful in school if a child’s strengths are identified and utilized, if parents play an active role in the child’s education and when material is taught utilizing all of the learning styles.

This is a hands-on book that helps parents identify a child’s disposition (there are five types), talents, interests, learning style (auditory, visual, kinesthetic-tactile and subsets of each) and optimum learning environment. Armed with this knowledge a parent can coach a child with homework assignments, share the information with teachers and empower the child.

In a practical sense, if your child is stuck with a homework assignment, it may be because the teacher only presented the information in an auditory fashion. If you know that your child learns best when s/he receives the information in a visual or kinesthetic-tactile fashion, then you and your child can tweak the information using these methods of learning. The chances are pretty good that your child will have an “aha” moment and pick up the skill, particularly if you use all three methods of receiving information.

The authors recommend that all family members take the assessments which can be fun. It normalizes that we all learn best in different ways but no one learning style is best.

INSTANT PARENTING SOLUTIONS
FOR COMMON PARENTING PROBLEMS
AVAILABLE 24/7

Go to www.getparentinghelpnow.com any time of the day or night and find practical solutions to common parenting problems when you need them most. You’ll find audio recordings, along with study guides, with solutions to 16 of the most common parenting problems, available 24/7.

Toni Schutta, Publisher, Families First Coaching Newsletter

Toni Schutta is a Parent Coach with a Master's Degree in Psychology and 16 years experience working with children and families. She's also the mother of two wonderful children, a Licensed Psychologist, a certified graduate of the Mentor Coach Foundations Program, a member of The Parent Coaches Association, an author, speaker and past radio host.

Families First Coaching is an organization devoted to building strong families by empowering parents with practical information, easy-to-use tools and helpful resources that will help you be the best parent possible. Individual parent coaching sessions are available along with parent-to-parent support groups and parent education classes. Check out the websites at http://www.familiesfirstcoaching.com and http://www.getparentinghelpnow.com for a complete list of services.

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